Parents Are Sharing Lesser-Known Truths About Pregnancy And Labor That Genuinely Shocked Them
There's nothing quite as intimidating and anxiety-inducing as becoming a first-time mother. Pregnancy and childbirth are experiences that nothing can prepare you for, and they come with lots of surprises.
So, over on Quora, people discussed some of their biggest shocks about pregnancy, labor, and postpartum...plus the things they wish they knew beforehand. Here's what they said (along with some members of the BuzzFeed Community who have been through it, too).
1."Go to the hospital if you feel funny, even if your contractions are not exactly how they should be. With my first one, I just went in to check because of spotty bleeding (irregular contractions), and my water broke while I waited to be seen..."
"...With the second one, I had a feeling in my stomach like when you do sit-ups (no pain at all); we went to the hospital, but they could not detect contractions and wanted to send us home. I refused, and less than two hours later, he was out, a 'three-push-baby.' One of my friends had their second one on the sofa. I know this is not common, but some women have very short labor, and if this is your first, you don't know whether your wife is one of them. Oh, and don't take anything your wife tells you during labor seriously."
2."I'll come at this from a working father's perspective. Something I wish I had known with our first child that helped me tremendously with our second child is that, as a man, your emotions/hormones will be affected by the birth almost as much as the mother's. You will get emotional over things that wouldn't have phased you before you had kids. That first week after our first child was born, I went from alpha-male-carved-out-of-stone to an emotional 15-year-old who couldn't watch a sad news story without welling up. It is okay if that happens..."
"Don't be afraid to ask for help. You will read/see/hear a million things about mothers having postpartum depression, but nothing about fathers. It is great to be the strong, stable one in the house, but don't think you are stealing the spotlight if you are having issues, too."
3."Trust your gut. The first time, I thought it was time to go to the hospital, but the on-call person who talked me through some contractions said I had several hours left before I needed to get to the hospital and would be more comfortable waiting at home. I didn't listen, and when I arrived about 20 minutes later, I was 9.5 centimeters dilated..."
"...With child number two, the nurses chided me for breathing so heavily, saying it was too early and I was going to hyperventilate. Guess what? The baby had descended, and he came two pushes later. I'm not trying to say the medical help was terrible. Instead, they can only know what's going on by observation. Trust yourself — you know your pain tolerance better than anyone else, and even if this is the first pregnancy, listen to your gut."
4."I always thought there would be a whole lot of pushing to get the baby out. My mom told me she felt like she was pushing for hours when she gave birth to me and my four siblings. My doctor stepped in, checked on me, told me to start pushing, and left for a few moments; on the third push, my baby was born, and the nurse had to tell him to step back in. The doctor clearly didn't think I'd pop out my daughter so quickly."
5."Don't sweat the small stuff, like schedules, developmental milestones, and ounces of milk consumed. Each stage passes like a wave and is gone forever. Don't forget to squish your toes into the sand and let it wash over you *even* when you wish they would just go the F to sleep."
6."During the birth of my second child, the epidural medication ran out in the middle of my C-section operation (the medication that makes sure you can't feel any pain during the operation). I told the anesthesiologist. And she didn't believe me. I told her I was starting to feel pain, and she said that I was wrong; I was just feeling pressure. I told her no. I am starting to feel pain, and she said no, it is just pressure…"
"...My voice gets louder: 'I know what pain is. I am feeling pain!' and I am starting to panic because it is getting worse by the second, and I am lying cut open on the table, and the placenta isn't out yet. The doctor isn't finished yet; my husband is yelling at her to do something, and she is still saying, 'It's just pressure; it's not pain.' And the epidural ran out. The pain was enormous. I remember screaming like something out of a horror movie. I heard her yelling something about morphine. They dragged my husband out of the room, and I passed out. The next thing I remember, I woke up in a regular hospital room. They let me stay a couple of days extra that time. And… I never got a bill from the anesthesiologist."
7."Labor isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared. Not about the birth but because I didn't think I was ready. When they told me they were going to induce me in a week, I freaked out because I thought it would be the worst experience ever. Then they told me they were going to induce me THAT DAY!! I cried — a LOT. I wasn't ready to push out a human! I wasn't ready to be put through it all. But when it happened, it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I think I had an easy delivery, but it was even better when I held my baby for the first time. Delivery wasn't nearly as bad as everyone made me think it was."
8."I wasn't expecting not to feel 'it.' The bond. The overwhelming rush of love. I'd been told my whole life that when you have a baby, you immediately love them, and I didn't feel that. I worried something was wrong with me, so I didn't tell anyone..."
"...I pretended to feel it, and anyone who asked, I would lie about it. I cared for my baby, but I didn't feel it for months. When I felt it when my daughter was 4 or 5 months old, I was relieved. I wasn't defective and broken, after all, I thought. I told myself I hadn't felt it because she had been a surprise baby, and we were scared of having a baby at that point in our lives. But when my son came, our planned baby, I felt the same thing.
The bond didn't take as long to come because I wasn't breastfeeding him, but it still took until he was three months old. Looking back, I realized there was nothing wrong with me. I just needed time with this little person to get to know them before the bond would come.
I needed to learn about their personalities and spend time with them. That's all. The more vocal I've been about that experience, the more women I find who felt the same way but never said anything for fear of being judged by society. Because society sucks. So to anyone who felt that way, there is nothing wrong with you. You're not a bad mom. The bond comes; you must work for it sometimes, and that's okay."
9."This is something I didn't find out until I was in the hospital after I had my third baby. When you breastfeed after giving birth, it makes your uterus contract to help it shrink back to normal size. I barely remember it with my first two, but it hurt so badly with my third. It felt like I was in labor again. It was so intense that I had to stop and curl up in a fetal position on the bed for a few minutes. Then I'd return to feeding the baby, and it would happen again. I told the nurse what was going on. She told me that postpartum cramping gets worse with each pregnancy. I had no idea. I want everyone to know this so they can be prepared."
10."I wish someone had told me how exhausting the first trimester is! I had heard about morning sickness, and late pregnancy backaches, and discomfort, frequent peeing, but no one had mentioned that you can be so tired in the first trimester that you fall asleep sitting up, between one sentence and another, all while sleeping a full night's sleep too. You feel too tired to move all the time."
11."Another thing I wasn't told about was just how difficult breastfeeding can be. At all the parenting groups and talks, staff would talk about how easy breastfeeding was for the baby as it's instinct, natural, etc. There was a big campaign encouraging women to breastfeed their babies over formula, so I feel they pushed this forward by any means. Yet, when I was in hospital, my baby could not work out how to feed..."
"...She wasn't tongue-tied or had any underlying issues preventing her from feeding; she just couldn't work it out. Every single midwife and nurse who tried helping my baby feed all said how difficult it is for a newborn to understand how to breastfeed, and it takes practice. Completely different from what I was told throughout my pregnancy! I also wasn't told just how painful full, engorged breasts can be!"
12."I didn't realize how badly sex would hurt after a C-section. With my first baby, I was in labor for three days and then had a C-section, so I thought painful sex could be attributed to my long labor. But it actually took a few months after my scheduled second and third C-sections to enjoy intercourse again without pain."
13."No one told me how incredibly sick you can get after giving birth. I had my baby 11 days ago. Labor went fine. After he was born, he was not so fine. The placenta was stuck, and the one-hour mark was closing in (if it's not out by one hour, surgery is most likely necessary). They pushed on my belly, and were starting to panic a little. The doctor had to come in, and she ripped my placenta out. Ok, good, no surgery..."
"...I lost about a liter of blood. Three days after the birth, I start smelling a weird smell. I ignored it, thinking it was normal (first baby). Five days after the birth, I got a fever (not very high, but you aren't supposed to get a fever that soon after giving birth, so back to the hospital I went). They tested my milk, took my blood, and did an ultrasound.
There was still a lot of placenta left in my uterus, and it got infected. I needed surgery, after all. I got antibiotics multiple times a day through IV. After almost 24 hours in the hospital, they could take me to surgery. The surgery was supposed to last five to ten minutes, but I ended up losing over a liter of blood and needed a blood transfusion.
They got everything out, but it turned out I also had an infection in my breasts. I spent four days in the hospital, getting antibiotics through an IV every six hours. The infection was too bad to let me get on antibiotic tablets. After four days in the hospital, I was discharged and could start antibiotic tablets every six hours instead. I'm still very out of it because of the infections and blood loss. I don't like complaining, so if my mom hadn't called the hospital to ask what to do with my fever, my infection wouldn't have been picked up, and I would be even more sick. Women and their partners should know about this to get treatment immediately."
14."I cried once during my pregnancy: the day I found out that you will leave the hospital looking five months pregnant and won't fit into your regular clothes. I thought all those contractions would just flatten out my belly like magic. I wish I'd known that earlier."
15."From the time you conceive to the time you give birth, you are not in the driver's seat anymore. Your body takes over, and before you know it, a heart is beating inside your body. For people like me, who need to be in control of things, this was a particularly humbling experience."
16."For me, it was postpartum depression or baby blues, as some would like to call it. For me, being pregnant was the easiest part of the process. I was working full-time till ten days before my due date. Life was fairly simple. No nausea, no cravings either. A little mood swings here and there, but nothing unmanageable. I read about postpartum depression but never thought it could be so serious. I'm generally a happy-go-lucky woman, but all that changed since I left the hospital with my child — no more nurses to help me out with everything. No more going out or eating my favorite food. I felt like I was born just to birth the baby..."
"...I felt bad when other people in my house went out or ate anything they wanted; I was irritable and hated my husband (since I thought he was responsible for my misery). He could not understand what I was going through. I had difficulties in feeding the baby. The baby seemed hungry, and I was just a milk-providing machine. I had a bad back ache from all the sitting and feeding the baby, gained a lot of weight during pregnancy, and it stayed even after my son was born.
All of this contributed to my feeling of being worthless. Some days, I felt like leaving everything behind and running away, far away from everything, every responsibility, and being a free bird again. But I knew that was not possible. I decided to give birth to this child, and he was my responsibility now. Finally, after around two months, the PPD fog started clearing up, and I could feel the love I had for my child. He started responding, smiling too, and was not always hungry ( I started giving him formula two times a day, which was another difficult decision, but I went with it). I started loving him and being myself again. PPD is very real, and there should be more awareness about it.
During pregnancy, I read everywhere about the instant surge of love and affection you feel for your baby when you hold them for the first time, but I did not immediately bond with my baby. It took some time, and the bond is unbreakable now. My world revolves around him now. And I love him to bits and pieces. I can't wait to return home daily to see him laughing and playing around. I feel so satisfied and happy."
17."I had been expecting the pain of childbirth, I had been expecting stitches, I had been expecting cracked nipples, I had been expecting lack of sleep, all that stuff. What no one had told me was that the first bowel movement after giving birth would hurt worse than the birth itself. If I had known what to expect, I would have stocked up on laxatives ahead of time instead of ringing my doctor in a panic, insisting there was another baby in there that wasn't coming out."
18."I wasn’t told that I would lose some of my single friends. Being a mother changed me. I became happier than I was before (and I was already a happy person before that). I have a different purpose in life now. Some of my friends find that foreign. That I don’t fit in the group anymore. Well, that’s too bad…for them."
19."Morning sickness isn't just in the morning. It can strike anytime! And some people only get nauseous, and others will vomit throughout their entire pregnancy. My daughter will be an only child as I threw up for 30 weeks for her!"
20."Sense of smell is so much stronger when you're pregnant! This was the one symptom I noticed the most strongly. I could smell EVERYTHING! My husband eating a power bar in the car was nauseating. Since your sense of smell is so damn strong, it can bring on nausea and vomiting. That was the biggest surprise for me while pregnant."
Do you have something to add? What is something about pregnancy, labor, or postpartum that surprised you or something you wish you had been more prepared for? Tell us in the comments or in this anonymous form.
