Nannies Who Quit Working For Toxic Families Are Sharing Their Final Breaking Points, And Wowwww
We recently asked nannies of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the breaking point that made them quit working for a toxic family. Here are their horrifying stories:
Note: Some submissions come from this Reddit thread.
1."I had been nannying and babysitting for at least 12 years when I met this wealthy and very broken family. The 10-year-old boy was addicted to YouTube, and their 12-year-old daughter was the meanest person I’d ever met. But I’ll focus on the boy: He was 'homeschooled,' but it was a challenge to get him to his private tutor. He destroyed an iPad in my car by smashing it violently when it didn’t connect to cell data right away. He 'earned' a VR headset the Friday I left work because he went outside for 10 minutes. When I came back Monday, he told me he broke it on Sunday because he was mad. He got both a new iPad and a VR headset. He went into withdrawals when they had a tech come to strengthen their Wi-Fi, which meant he didn’t have access to his computer for the day."
"He threw a wooden footrest, punched the computer, and punched his mom. She told me not to intervene except to get WATER to splash on his face. He started to strangle her, and I decided I was done. COVID lockdown started & I never went back."
2."For me, it wasn’t one thing that made me realize I couldn’t keep working for them, but rather a series of uncomfortable events. I was hired by an engaged couple with two kids abroad. They lived in the middle of nowhere, and it was very isolating. The mom was always jealous of me—maybe her fiancé had a wandering eye? They had me work 12+ hour days Monday to Friday, and I’d be too tired to do anything on the weekend. Finally, when they treated their kids so inequitably, it broke my heart."
3."Twin 7-year-olds threw my iPhone in the toilet. I still stuck around until they stole money from my purse a week later, denied it, and the parents backed them. They were kicked out of two schools within the following year."
4."I worked for a couple with three kids (ages 3, 5, and 7). They decided to divorce, and I was expected to follow their co-parenting structure. Terrible idea. I became the messenger and full-time parent to the kids. We were just moving between homes each week, and I never saw the respective parents. I quit, and when I was called for the divorce trial, I told them about the experience. Neither of the parents wanted custody of the children."
—Anonymous
5."I worked for a family with three kids. The oldest one was from a previous marriage, and they were awful to this child. The younger two were flooded with love, attention, and gifts, but the older one was ignored and neglected. It broke my heart because he was a lovely kid and very put together, considering how he was treated. Last I heard, he moved out as soon as he turned 18 and traveled far away from his family."
—Anonymous
6."She filed for divorce after I worked for them for a year. As the husband packed his things, he angrily told me they hadn’t had sex in a long time. They couldn’t agree on custody, so she took him to court and asked me to testify because she convinced me he was a terrible father (he wasn’t). She also had me convinced he was dangerous, so she wanted me to be there for all custody exchanges, but she didn’t pay me for the extra time. I heard from her recently, and they all seem to be doing well."
—Anonymous
7."I’m definitely aware there are more toxic situations than this, but…I worked for a family where the mom worked from home (which has been fine in other situations), but she would hang around constantly and criticize the snacks and meals I fed the children. It’s not like I was giving them unhealthy things. I’d give them raspberries, but she wanted them to have strawberries. It made me feel like there was no point in me being there."
—Anonymous
8."I worked for a very wealthy Boston family. The mom wanted to establish her career before having kids, so she had them at 45 and 48. I had those kids from when they woke up until they went to bed. The 7-year-old would only poop in a diaper (he had an attention disorder due to the mom not being around). He had no medical reason to do this and was otherwise a fantastic kid. If he had to poop, he’d put on a pull-up and go, and I’d have to clean it. I wanted to leave that family for a year but stayed until he was fully potty trained. It wasn’t his fault."
—Anonymous
9."I worked for this British woman. She was pretty brutal, but I was young, and it was one of my first gigs. She would leave her used breast pads and baby’s diapers all over the house. I was expected to clean the house from top to bottom, do laundry, cook, and take care of her two other children (ages 2 and 4) for just a dollar above minimum wage at the time. I was always scheduled to work after the dad left for work and be gone before he came home. I eventually realized I’d get dinner prepped and nearly finished, and then she’d tell me I could leave. The husband would come home to a clean house and dinner ready, thinking she did all the cooking and cleaning."
"The breaking point for me was when her son was being playful, and I called him silly. She flipped out on me, saying, ‘How dare you! You are just the hired help! Don’t talk to my kid that way.’ Yeah, I left their key on her entryway table and texted her that I wouldn’t be returning. She begged me to come back and offered more money, but you can’t buy my self-worth!"
—Anonymous
10."The children were 10-year-old twins, and the job was a disaster from day one. I heard phrases like, ‘I hate you, and I hope you die,’ and ‘My mother pays for your life’ daily. When a NYC cab driver stopped in the middle of Central Park to confront the twins about their appalling behavior, it really sunk in that I shouldn’t be taking this abuse. Twenty years later, I still have occasional nightmares about this job I worked for three weeks."
—Anonymous
11."I don’t know if the horror was more for me or society, but in January 2021 (when COVID was still rampant and hospitals were overflowing), I briefly worked for a family that had cameras everywhere. The mom would call or text me at least a dozen times a day, telling me to do things differently or that I was doing something wrong. She was a doctor. She worked in a hospital, in the ICU, as the HEAD of the ICU. All the hospitals in our area, including hers, were overflowing with COVID patients. And yet, she was calling me and telling me I cut the bananas too small or used the wrong towel to wipe down the counter. I’m sure she was incredibly stressed, her job was overwhelming, and this was a coping mechanism, but it really bothered me. I quit 10 days into the job but stayed on for another three weeks until they found a new nanny. I just didn’t feel right leaving a couple of hospital doctors without a nanny during a pandemic."
12."I worked for a family who had just moved to Charlotte and had a 2-year-old daughter. During my first week of employment, the brake pads on my car needed to be replaced, so I let them know I’d be 15 minutes late (work started at 7 a.m.) so I could drop off my car and Uber to them. While I was at work, I saw the dad’s car on my home camera driving by my house to check if my car was there (it wasn’t). Later, I took the daughter for a walk to the park and noticed the dad’s car sitting on the street near the park. As we were leaving, he texted me and said he would drive us home since it was 'hot out' and he was almost at the park. I quit that day because he was following me and didn’t trust me."
13."I took their 2-year-old to the park like I did every single day. He was playing with his water bottle and accidentally spilled all of it! It wasn’t a big deal to me, so we just headed home. The kid was down for his nap when the mom lost her mind because, according to her, if he had drunk all the water in his bottle, that would mean he had diabetes! She was livid that I didn’t tell her he spilled it, said I needed to work on my communication skills, and claimed her child could have been dying without her knowing. She made me record how many ounces he was drinking each day from that point on. To some extent, I understood because excessive thirst can be a symptom, but she didn’t even ask what happened! She just accused me of playing with her child’s life. Anyway, I quit two weeks later."
14.And lastly, "I spent part of one summer in college as a nanny for a family where the mother worked from home for part of the day and took ‘me time’ for the rest of the hours I was there (which was roughly 10 hours per day). There was a strict rule that the children were never to speak to her while I was there, even though she’d work adjacent to their play area with her door open and in clear view of the infant and toddlers. She would completely ignore them, even while doing nothing in the same room, as all three children had absolute meltdowns trying to get her attention. The kids were generally terribly behaved as they had been raised by an endless rotation of short-lived nannies and babysitters. The mother gave me full permission to punish them ‘in any way that I saw fit,’ including hitting the kids — I told her that was an absolute no for me."
"One evening, at the end of my shift, I shared that the 3-year-old had been excessively hitting her brother and using profanity (even though the dad said they were a 'very religious' family and swearing wasn’t allowed). The mom grabbed the toddler, spanked her several times, and shoved a bar of soap in her mouth while calmly looking me in the eye, telling me that I needed to be 'more strict' in my reprimands. She also accused me of using profanity around the children or showing them inappropriate things on TV (even though they were only allowed to watch a small selection of Bible story videos). Meanwhile, she dropped the F-word hundreds of times a day in clear earshot of the kids while on work calls. I didn’t quit (even though I spent the kids’ naptime scouring want ads and calling local businesses asking about job openings), but I was fired for having ‘too much of a personality conflict’ with the 3-year-old after I shared with both parents that I found it inappropriate and disturbing that she chased her siblings around the house with scissors and told me she wanted me to die."
—Anonymous
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
