How to cope with denial after a sudden death
Grief is always a difficult process to navigate, but when there is a sudden loss in your life it can be hard to accept that this person is actually died.
It’s been over a week since the shock announcement of Liam Payne’s death on October 16, when the One Direction singer tragically fell from his balcony.
Molly-Mae Hague has spoken out about how she waited for the news to come out that Liam's death was "not true". In a new vlog, the Love Island winner expressed her disbelief about Liam’s tragic death, a sentiment that his fans, friends and bandmates have echoed in recent days too.
When a sudden loss occurs, it’s common to have feelings of denial as it can take a while for your brain to comprehend the magnitude of what has happened and adapt to this 'new normal.'
Bianca Neumann, assistant director of bereavement services at Sue Ryder explains: "Our brain likes patterns. When sudden changes come our way, such as the unpredicted death of a loved one, our brain takes time to adapt and it is quite common for someone to expect the person who died to walk through the door, for example, even though they have recently died."
"It takes time and space to sit with the experience for someone to come to terms with a sudden death."
It’s important to remember that this process can’t be rushed and nothing can speed up the grieving process. Everyone in their own time and in their own way will come to terms with the loss of their loved one and the start of this new chapter without them.
A common misconception about grief is that you should "get over it", but instead, we actually have to learn how to integrate our grief into our lives.
For anyone struggling with the sudden death of a loved one, Neumann recommends to "revisit any strategies used in previous stressful and challenging situations that offered some sort of relief."
She adds: "For example, maybe going for a run or spending time in nature really helped you cope in the past, so try to implement those strategies again. It can also be useful to take yourself somewhere calm, go to your happy place and reflect on what you’ve been through."
Not every coping method you’ve used before will work the same way during this bereavement, but try to trust the process of trial and error to find the right way to grieve for you.
Read about other people’s experiences
It’s a massive shock to lose someone you love unexpectedly and Neumann recommends that researching grief and coping strategies can help. It can normalise the process, validate your emotions and provide some insight into the experience. Neumann adds: "It is a good idea to equip yourself with as much information about this new reality as you can."
Find an online support system
Not everyone in your life will relate to this specific form of grief, which can be difficult when you want to feel understood and supported.
Online there are various grief support networks by charities like Sue Ryder and Cruse Bereavement Support, as well as peer to peer support groups such as The Grief Gang and Let's Talk About Loss.
Neumann says: "Joining an online community, where you can speak to others who will understand what you are going through. This could give an insight into how others cope, what life can be like in the coming weeks, months and years from now and what has helped them."
Self-care
With every bereavement, it can be difficult to remember to even do the simplest things such as brush your teeth, sleep and have regular meals. Neumann says that self-care is "very important" especially during the early days, to be gentle and "take it easy on yourself" as you process this profound loss.
Professional support
No one has to face grief alone and bereavement counselling or therapy can be immensely helpful even years after a loss to help you come to terms with this significant person in your life being gone. Neumann continues: "If things aren’t shifting after some time, it would be helpful to seek advice from your GP and consider more formal bereavement support."
If you are struggling with your grief, Sue Ryder offers a range of online bereavement services.
Read more about Liam Payne and grief:
How to grieve a celebrity’s death (Yahoo Life, 4-min read)
Everything Liam Payne said about his mental health and addiction struggles (Yahoo Life, 5-min read)
Liam Payne saved me from depression, now I will live my best life for him (Yahoo Life, 7-min read)
