Alan Partridge Blog: Festival season

Hi guys, I’m Alan Partridge, and like most people I love reading articles hosted on the home page of major US search engines. So when Yahoo! asked me to write some articles, I quickly Googled them, then enthusiastically agreed.

So what’s on my mind today? To be honest, gearbox problems - my Japanese-built executive saloon’s playing up. But, I’ve been asked to say that music festivals are on my mind, so that’s what I shall do.

Music festivals, eh? In my day, it was Glastonbury or bust. These days everyone’s jumped on the bandwagon (no pun intended) (actually, hang on, it was). People always assume I’m the kind of guy that would give festivals short shrift, scared off by the toxic mixture of ageing hippies and trust-fund Henry’s in their designer wellies. They’re convinced I’d run a mile at the prospect of camping next to a gaggle of drug-sucking teenagers on their first time away from home. Or that I’d have deep misgivings about the toileting facilities, over-flowing with the gut waste of tens of thousands of out-of-it revelers.

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But is that really how I feel about festivals? Not a bit of it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first person to phone the council if a van full of crusties park up within a hundred yards of my house, but take me to a festival and you’ll see an altogether different Alan Partridge. I dig the beats. I live the vibe. I eat the falafel*. So if you’re spending a weekend partying in a field this summer, have a ‘radical’ time. Though please please please, sheath up if you end up having it off with anyone.

* Since this article was written Alan’s assistant has been in touch to say that he would only consider eating falafel if no other food was available.