Alan Partridge Blog: Fashion

When I tell you that I do most of my shopping at Burton’s, you’ll quickly realise that fashion is something that’s very close to my heart. Over the years I must have spent upwards of hundreds of pounds in the chain widely regarded as the thinking man’s high street outfitters. And so I was delighted and humbled when, in 2002, I was given a Burton’s Gold Card. No ordinary loyalty card, the BGC entitles the bearer to 10 per cent off all in-store purchases, as well as a free mock-ivory shoe horn. Not even Daniel Craig has one of them [Lynn, check this is correct. Otherwise I’ll have Bond’s lawyers all over my arse like a rash. That reminds me, I still need you to pick up some cream for the rash on my arse. Also, I’m out of Oxo cubes.]

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People ask me for style tips all the time and I’d say the most common area of confusion is ties. So fellas, listen up – the knot should be size of a conker, or a mouse’s back. Any larger and you look like you head up a sales team for Carphone Warehouse. Any smaller and you look like a Cockney spiv who sells watches from the inside of his coat.