Why are some men still asking their partner’s father for permission to propose?
Marriage is a lot of things; romantic, elaborate, fun. But there’s one thing it certainly isn’t; modern.
Sure, many of us do updated twists on our big day from ditching the conventional white dress to having our mothers lead us down the aisle instead of our fathers, but few can deny that it’s pretty entrenched in outdated ideas.
The way that only men are supposed to propose (apart from that one day in a leap year), that ‘obey your husband’ bit in the traditional wedding vows, and the idea of being passed from your father to your husband.
One of the trickiest traditions amongst these is the idea that the husband should ask the father’s permission before proposing to his (hopefully) future wife.
Let’s be honest – this doesn’t come out of a history of British politeness. It’s from a day in which women were considered property, to be passed from one man to the next.
And unlike rejecting tying the knot altogether, asking a fathers’ permission is just one small tradition among many which surely wouldn’t be sorely missed.
So why are men still doing it?
Arguably, if we discount traditions based on their history, then we shouldn’t have marriage at all.
Marriage was, after all, largely invented to settle fathers’ wishes to ensure that their offspring were biologically theirs and theirs alone.
And almost every little tradition within marriage – such as the virginal white dress, having sex with one person and one person alone – feels like something from a begone era.
So once we strip off every element of marriage that goes against our principles, what do we have left?
If a man’s planning on proposing, you could say he’s already embracing some pretty old school customs – so it’s easy to see why drawing the line at asking permission seems a bit arbitrary. And that in this case, it’s nothing but a pleasant gesture.
But on the other hand, this specific move does leave a more sour taste in the mouth than others. For one, it’s the permission aspect that feels so strange, and even more so that you must ask the father rather than both parents.
Because isn’t it only fair to acknowledge the mother’s part in the picture too? And if you have a difficult relationship with or are totally estranged from your father, why should they have a say in the matter?
But of all of these reasons to ditch the tradition, the easiest (and yes, most self-indulgent) is this: it’s not very fun.
The thing about that white dress, the proposal, and even (if you choose) being lead down the aisle by your father is that there is something fun about these things – they’re public and private displays of love.
While your boyfriend asking your father asking for permission to marry you as a formality? Not so much.
What do you think – is asking a father for his daughter’s hand in marriage an outdated tradition? Tweet us at @YahooStyleUK.
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