I used ChatGPT to help me argue with my boyfriend — here’s how it went
There are myriad ways to work through arguments with your partner. You can take some time apart to reflect, you can crowdsource advice from friends and family, or you can even start couple’s therapy. Or, if you want to save on all that money and time, you can simply… ask ChatGPT.
At least, this is what Lily Allen does. Speaking on her podcast, Miss Me?, which she co-hosts with Miquita Oliver, the singer revealed that she uses the AI chatbot to help her formulate her thoughts when she’s arguing with her husband, Stranger Things star David Harbour.
“I use [ChatGPT] more for personal stuff,” she told Oliver. “If me and David have had an argument and I need to articulate it, I’ll be like, ‘Write me a long text message about an argument that started with the dishwasher and ended in an argument about our finances’.”
She also shared the prompts she uses to make the ChatGPT responses more personal, like, “‘That’s great but can you add in a bit about how I think this is all actually to do with his mum?’ You just copy and paste every single one until you’ve got enough.”
Though, she admitted, by the time she has a response she’s happy with, she thinks she “probably should have just written” it herself.
Sounds laborious! But colour me intrigued. So, I thought I’d give it a go in my own relationship. Unfortunately (or, I guess, fortunately), I’m not currently arguing with my boyfriend, so instead I decided to fabricate a topical argument that’s probably happening between countless couples around the world right now: politics.
My first prompt was removed for violating ChatGPT’s policies because I used the word “asshole” to describe Donald Trump. But once I’d submitted a SFW version, ChatGPT sent a disconcertingly quick response back. I said: “Write me a long text message to send to my boyfriend after we had an argument about the US election results because he thinks Trump has some good qualities and I think he’s [an asshole].”
“Hey babe,” it opened, “I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation earlier and how we got into that argument about the election results. I feel like we’re on different sides of the fence when it comes to Trump and the whole political situation, and I just want to clear the air and share how I feel.”
A pretty solid opener (aside from the use of ‘hey babe’, which I personally think has pass agg vibes). The rest of the message is too long to share verbatim, so I’ll do my best to summarise it for you. Now, as someone whose job is arguably at risk from AI chatbots like ChatGPT, I’m hesitant to praise it, but I have to admit, its suggested text is good.
It’s balanced — “I get that we have different perspectives, and I respect that” — and immediately acknowledges some traits that my fictional Trump-supporting partner might admire in the president-elect, including his “economic policies”. It adds: “Even though I don’t necessarily agree with him on those issues, I get where you’re coming from.”
After pacifying my partner with a gentle opener, ChatGPT suggests I go in with my points: that I see Trump as “a person who constantly stokes division, spreads misinformation, and seems to show very little empathy for people who aren’t in his circle” and someone whose “actions and rhetoric have caused so much harm… especially to marginalised communities”.
There’s a couple more paragraphs hammering home my POV, and then ChatGPT advises me to reflect on the argument — and encourage my partner to reflect, too. But the key to a good relationship argument, I’m learning from Dr ChatGPT, is to avoid inflammatory accusations, and to make sure your partner feels like you hear their perspective, even if you disagree. You should also suggest a way to resolve the argument, or at least to move forward with it calmly. “Let’s try to listen to each other without jumping to conclusions or getting defensive. We might not change each other’s minds, but I think we can try to understand where the other person is coming from.”
It ends with a declaration of love and a rather cheesy closing line: “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page, even if that page isn’t always easy to find.”
As Lily Allen suggested, I thought I’d offer ChatGPT some more personal prompts to add in. First, I asked it to include more about abortion rights, which I’m especially passionate about, and then, to throw it a curveball, I asked it to take into account that my fictional partner has been watching a lot of Joe Rogan recently, which I think might be poisoning his mind. “I know you’re a smart guy, and I trust that you’re not just blindly following what anyone says,” ChatGPT suggested, “but I also think it’s important to be mindful of where our information comes from.”
By now, the text is way too long to send, but I guess I could print it out and refer to it during an IRL argument, like Amy on Love Island did during that notorious break-up fight with Curtis. But here’s my verdict: overall, ChatGPT vocalised my points well and gave me a very considered message. I can also see how this would be a useful tool to help you avoid a reactionary response, and might even help you see another point of view.
Having said that, I think this is an extremely dystopian thing to be doing. Human beings have survived millions of years on earth arguing without the help of an AI chatbot, and — even though we’re all increasingly worm-brained — I think we should strive to survive millions more years without losing the ability to actually talk to each other from our own brains and mouths. Stop using technology to connect! Log off! Stop reading this article! Go away and hug your loved ones.
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