"It Totally Wrecked My Marriage": People Are Sharing The Professions That Are Major Red Flags In A Relationship
No job is perfect, and all come with pros and cons. Unfortunately, when the cons start to outweigh everything else, it can take a serious toll not only on you but also on your relationships. Recently, redditor u/Many_Curve_7488 asked the r/AskReddit community to share the jobs they thought were turn-offs for a serious relationship. Here are the professions they said they'd never get involved with.
Note: This post contains mentions of suicide.
1."When I grew up, the local fishmonger's assistant just could not get a date. My sister joked that he was the last man on earth to date because no matter how he washed himself, the fish smell lingered."
2."A friend of mine dated a chef; she now advises anyone who will listen to never date one. She says you'll never see them."
"Can confirm. I used to be a chef. You miss most holidays and every weekend. You're going to work when most people are on their way home. You're constantly out late, and a lot of us drink or smoke to cope with the stress.
My dating life was just a revolving door of bartenders, servers, and the occasional hostess.
I got out of that world a few years ago, and now my blood pressure is normal, I don't drink as much, I make way more money, I don't miss a holiday or weekend with friends/family, I'm happily married, but I still can't help but miss it."
3."Attorney. I dated one for six years. The constant competition killed it for me."
"I dated one, too, and goddamn did that man love to argue, and he argued to 'win,' not to resolve things."
4.For me, truck drivers. My dad is one, and I see how my mom hates missing him. She loves that he loves his job but hates not seeing him."
5."Surgeons. I listen to them complain about their wives and kids during surgery."
"I'm a love, sex, and relationship coach. I see a lot of surgeons or their spouses who come on behalf of the couple. It's a stressful profession that often takes a toll on relationships. And in residency? Forget about it. The partner is living solo with a very exhausted, grumpy, occasional roommate.
The irony is that many people would love to date a doctor because of the profession's respectability, income, and helping nature. But the reality is pretty stressful."
6."Pilots and flight attendants. Irregular hours and long periods away from home can make maintaining a stable relationship challenging."
"Also, mental health support is hard to receive as a pilot. My ex had so many issues but couldn't seek help at risk of not being able to work anymore. A diagnosis is a death sentence."
7."Bartending. You miss all events because you're working nights, other events, or at the event. I'm a bartender; this is what my most recent ex and I said, as she also used to be in the industry."
8."Anyone who peddles MLM products and services. It totally wrecked my marriage. My ex appears to be happily remarried to someone who was in his downline."
"My ex was wrapped up in an MLM scam that sold educational courses. I asked what the courses were about, and it was so vague that it made no sense. Once she paid $30k to upgrade to a platinum membership, I was fucking out.
The guy running it was such a scam artist and ended up getting charged with all sorts of fraud."
9."Stand-up comedians. Weird work hours and locations. Whole months away for fringe festivals. Worst of all, anything that happens in your relationship will be made public if they think they can make it funny/interesting."
10."My friend once dated an 'ethical hacker.' He was so 'ethical' that he also checked all her messages for her so she didn't have to do it!"
11."As a retired firefighter/paramedic, I'd say firefighters. It seems like lots of women in their 20s think dating/marrying a firefighter is like some kind of fantasy dream. The truth is we work 24-hour shifts, and a large part of the time, on our days off, we only sleep. The schedule and the amount of calls just beat your body to hell. So many folks go into the fire service looking like a Greek god or goddess, but 10 or 20 years later, they're just broken and beat up with chronic knee pain, back pain, and hearing loss. This is all aside from the serious trauma they deal with, which so much of the time we can't even talk about because few people want to hear it. Lots of jobs take a physical toll, and lots of jobs take a mental toll, but very few jobs take the physical AND mental toll that being a first responder does."
12."Investment bankers. They're arrogant and always working. Two of them told me their sex drive was dead."
13."Farmer. Volatile income due to many external factors you can’t control, high rates of depression/suicide, all the ugliness that comes from mental health challenges, inability to get away, and just an overall doom and gloom mindset. It may feel idyllic at first, or the rare year things go well, but overall, it’s just one crisis after another. I say this as a former farmer."
14."A seafarer — based on experience, because I'm currently a seafarer. There are long contracts, and a lack of reliable cell services can be a burden. Aside from those, there is also the stigma that if you date a seafarer, chances are they are getting laid every time we arrive at ports."
15."Police. Not to generalize, but the policemen I've had the chance of dating would always come off as authoritarian to the point that it would choke the life out of you."
16."Any kind of broker — real estate, insurance, investment, etc. They're always networking. Their goals are all sales-oriented. And the number of people in these fields who then devolve into treating their personal relationships as transactional is too damn high."
17."Film and TV worker. Brutal on families and partners."
I can confirm this. I work six days a week, an average of 10–12 hours a day for the next four months. This is a month after going 30 days straight of 12–14-hour days. You get some slow time here and there, but even then, you work weekends and bad hours."
18."As a personal trainer: personal trainers. You're not horny; you're just exercising. Leave your PT alone. They're completely different outside the gym and are often very boring."
Are there any jobs you believe are dealbreakers for a relationship? Tell us in the comments or fill out this anonymous form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
