How to overcome 'orgasm anxiety' as Holly Willoughby's blog addresses issue

Holly Willoughby’s wellness brand Wylde Moon has addressed the subject of "orgasm anxiety", reassuring sufferers that they are not alone and providing practical advice to get over the issue.

The post on the Wylde Moon blog shared that only around 50% of women will truly reach orgasm during sex, explaining that anxiety has a lot to do with it.

“It’s that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that tells you that you’re not doing something right or that you’re broken because you can’t reach orgasm like everyone else seems to,” the post, written by Kate Lucey and with advice from Sarah Mulindwa, reads.

“It’s the pressure you put on yourself to perform, the fear of disappointing yourself or your partner, and generally being so distracted during sex that you’ll never end up reaching orgasm anyway… and so the cycle continues.”

The candid post comes as new research, by sexual wellbeing brand Durex, has lifted the lid on the lack of 'orgasm equity' in UK bedrooms.

Read more: 9 ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)

It turns out that women are having up to four times less orgasms than their male counterparts, with almost half (43%) of sexually active women in the UK admitting to having faked an orgasm at some point, compared to just under a third (32%) of men.

The so-called 'orgasm gap', as it has been dubbed, is further highlighted with figures revealing that just 5% of women say they always orgasm during a sexual encounter, versus 20% of men.

Thankfully there are some tips and tricks you can try to get over "orgasm anxiety" and redress the orgasm balance.

Warm up

When it comes to finding mutual ground in terms of turn-ons, it seems foreplay is key to both sexes in achieving orgasm.

Nearly a quarter (24%) of sexually active women and a fifth (19%) of sexually active men claim it is "essential", and around a third of men (30%) and women (29%) say it is very important.

However, twice as many sexually active men (8%) as women (4%) say foreplay is not important in helping them achieve orgasm.

"Warm up properly!" suggests sex expert Alix Fox, who worked with Durex on the research. "Focus on foreplay, and don’t make hurrying towards penetration your sole goal."

Watch: Sex coach can 'orgasm on demand' - using only her mind

Acknowledge differing approaches

Experimentation with sex toys is a point of difference between the genders. Nearly a fifth (19%) of women cite this as one of the ways they’re most likely to orgasm, versus just 6% of men.

Meanwhile, men say they are more inclined to prefer visual stimulation, such as photos or porn, with over one in eight (13%) men say it’s one of the most likely ways for them to achieve orgasm, versus just 2% of women.

"Technology can make the game fairer: toys can increase pleasure," Fox adds.

Read more: Eight ways to know you’ve just had an orgasm (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)

Speak up

Being comfortable to be open and honest about sexual preferences is an area that can be a struggle, according to Fox.

One in five (20%) sexually active women and almost a quarter (23%) of sexually active men say they are uncomfortable talking to their partner about what they like and need to achieve an orgasm.

A further 6% of women and 4% of men saying they would never talk about it, but speaking honestly about your wants is vital.

"Communicate with your team," suggests Fox. "Develop ways to comfortably, constructively talk about sex together, and make it a regular habit, since moods, needs and desires can change over time."

Dorian Solot, sex educator and co-author of I ❤️ Orgasms: A Guide to More (£16.99, Amazon) agrees that even an experienced partner needs feedback about what you need to reach orgasmland.

“You can communicate this with words (yes, it's OK and even recommended to talk during sex), moans, sighs, adjusting their hand or mouth, or classic-for-a-reason phrases like, 'Right there!', 'Don't stop!', or 'Yes, yes! Ohhh, yes!'” she tells Yahoo UK.

Read more: 'Find the clitoris' challenge: Sexperts hit the streets to see if public know exact location (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)

Take the pressure off

Javay Frye-Nekrasova, certified sex educator and sex expert for Lovehoney, believes there are some misconceptions surrounding orgasms that could help to explain why some people feel so much pressure to fake it, including the fact that you have to orgasm every time you engage in sexual activity.

"When you put the goal of orgasm on the sexual activity you are adding a layer of pressure that inherently detracts from the pleasure aspect of the sexual activity itself," she explains.

It's also worth noting that you shouldn't necessarily worry if you don't achieve an orgasm with your partner.

"The body can experience orgasms from a wide variety of stimulations so if one way does not lead to an orgasm it doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem," Frye-Nekrasova continues. "Another reason you don't need to worry is because it takes some time exploring your body to figure out what actually leads to pleasure that results in an orgasm."