"My Scalp Was Scalded": 17 Horrifying Vintage Beauty Machines That Look Like The Devil Designed Them
Whenever I go to an antique store, I'm reminded that contraptions from several decades ago look complex and extremely uncomfortable. So, without further ado, here are 17 absolutely wild beauty contraptions that scare the absolute heck out of me.
1.This "beauty micrometer" made to measure the beauty of someone's face with 325 adjustable pins.
2.This "stimulating neck massager" that this beautician is using. It reminds me a lot of a device from the transformation scene in Captain America: The First Avenger.
3.This "facial machine" from 1950 that doesn't at all look like a prop from a sci-fi B-movie.
4.This "shower hood" that protected hair and makeup while in the shower. Personally, I think the steam that would come up under the face shield would be unbearable to me.
5.This "facial exercise apparatus" that I had to do some extensive googling to figure out. Apparently, it inflated to provide "resistive force for facial muscles to work against."
6.These spring-loaded heels for "exercising," I'm sure, caused one or two broken necks in their day.
7.Again, what benefit is there to working out in heels?
8.This "leg-slimming" device that looks more like a pasta machine.
9.This "fruit mask" that raises a lot of questions for me. While I agree tomatoes, cucumbers, oranges, and bananas are probably good for your skin, I can't shake how gooey and sticky my face would feel after taking these off.
10.This hair-drying machine that looks like if she were to sneeze, she would get a massive burn on her head.
11.This hair removal device from 1948 that gives me goosebumps just thinking about the little tendrils going up my leg.
12.This electric pulse muscle toning machine from 1953 that looks exactly like the lamps they use to keep rotisserie chicken warm.
13.This "dermascope" that was used to highlight every blemish and wrinkle by blasting a light at the patient, who is...not wearing sunglasses?
14.This "spring leg" that I know is similar to resistance bands in this day and age, but whyyyyyy does it have that rickety-looking mattress spring in the middle?
15.This 1929 gizmo that made hair waves permanent.
16.This ultraviolet tooth therapy lamp that I wouldn't feel comfortable getting anywhere near my mouth.
17.Finally, this "permanent wave machine." Here's a firsthand account of what it was like to get your hair done in one of these from the Wisconsin Historical Society: "It took all day, and cost $1 each….First our hair was washed and cut, then we waited and waited. There were women everywhere in different stages of getting beautified. Everyone was waiting….My hair wound up on spiral rods so tight that I thought I would never blink again [and] after the machine that looked like a milking machine was attached to the rods, I couldn't move. [Then] it began to steam, and tears rolled down my cheeks. …[finally] someone got a blower and cooled my head here and there, but my scalp was scalded."
What's the wildest beauty product you've seen? Tell us in the comments below!
