Ruby Wax urges mental health honesty as 77% of us claim to be 'fine' when we are not

More than three-quarters of adults regularly claim to be ‘fine’ when they’re not – to avoid sounding negative or draining, rather than admitting they may be struggling with their mental health.

A study of 2,000 Brits found we say we’re ‘fine’ four times a day – 28 times over the course of a week.

Yet, more than a third of the time (38%) when a person says the ‘f word’ (fine), they’re not being honest.

And more than two-thirds (70%) regularly say ‘I’m fine’ on autopilot before even thinking about how they really are.

The research, commissioned by Walkers, also revealed why people don't give open and honest answers – with the main reason being that it’s easier than explaining why they’re not fine (47%).

And one in four (24%) don’t give an honest answer for fear of being seen as ‘draining’ or negative, while a fifth think they’ll come across as a ‘mood killer’.

But there appears to be truth to the belief that laughter is the best medicine, with 45% claiming a good laugh with a friend or relative is likely to improve their mood.

And one in three (34%) think talking it through with loved ones helps.

Watch now: Kate talks children's mental health

Read more: Sandra Oh discusses her experience with depression and anxiety

Ruby Wax, comedian and mental health campaigner, says: “As someone who has been very open about their battle with mental health, and has studied human psychology extensively, for me the greatest method of entry into people’s minds is making them laugh.

“Often, it’s not about the question you’re asking, but the context and way in which you ask it, that will impact the way in which the other person responds.

“And for me, appearing as authentic and open as possible is the best way to get others to open up with how they’re honestly feeling.

“As a subject very close to my heart, I’m hoping that through this campaign and banning what is, in my opinion, the most offensive ‘f***’ word out there, we can open up the conversation surrounding mental wellbeing.”

Read more: Stacey Dooley urges mental health discussion and shares coping strategies

The study also found over half of adults (54%) would be more likely to admit when they’re not feeling fine if others answered honestly.

Of those who have ever opened up to someone else about how they’re feeling, some were met with unenthused reactions – including the other person changing the subject (17%), ignoring them (17%), or saying nothing at all (16%). More than one in ten (12%) have even had people walk away.

If faced with someone opening up when they asked them, "How are you?", many admit they’d struggle and wouldn’t know what to say to help them feel better (14%), or they would feel awkward (13%) or out of their depth (11%).

Almost half (45%) believe it’s typically British for people to say they’re "great" or "fine" even if they’re not, and 30% sometimes don’t give an honest response in the mistaken belief it’s not "polite".

Watch now: Rooney hoping documentary opens up mental health discussion

Read more: Martine McCutcheon praised for inspiring post about mental health struggles

Around two-thirds (64%) wouldn’t even open up to their closest friend, and 77% wouldn’t give an honest answer if their parents asked, "How are you?".

But mental health charity Mind backed Ruby's call for people to open up, and offered helpful advice on how to do so.

Alex Bushill, from Mind, says: “It’s worrying to hear that many of us do not feel comfortable opening up about our mental health, even to those closest to us. At Mind, we know that stigma around mental health is still a real issue. Many of us feel ashamed about experiencing a mental health problem, or worried about opening up for fear of being judged.

“Following the impact of the last two years on all of us, it’s more important than ever to share how we are feeling. We know that talking can help us feel less alone, more able to cope and can encourage us to seek support if we need to. Talking about our mental health can be difficult but simply asking someone how they are twice can encourage them to open up and start a vital conversation."

The charity acknowledges that deciding who to talk to can be hard, but advises thinking of someone you can trust, someone who has maybe supported you before, or may have been through a similar experience.

Finding the right time can be difficult too, but Mind suggests choosing a time when you are doing something you enjoy together, like going for a walk.

Bushill also acknowledged the difficulties young people have faced, particularly during the coronavirus pandemic, and Mind has specific advice for them.

“In 2018, our anti-stigma awareness campaign Time to Change found that nearly nine in ten young people would tell friends and family they are ‘fine’ even if they were struggling with a mental health problem," says Bushill.

"Since then, during the pandemic, we’ve seen a surge in mental health need among young people who have been particularly affected by loneliness and isolation, which means it’s all the more important that young people feel supported."

Irina Panescu, from Walkers, says: “We believe humour is a great ally to start conversations and open up about real feelings, so through our partnership with Comic Relief and campaigns like these we’re on a mission to get the nation talking and looking after mental wellbeing.

“But we certainly weren’t expecting the results we received, and were surprised by just how much the nation is bottling up how they’re truly feeling, with ‘I’m fine’ being used on autopilot, rather than as an honest response."

To find out more, and join Walkers and Comic Relief in giving up the ‘F***’ (fine) word, visit Comic Relief.

Additional reporting by SWNS.