Too posh to push over? Tatler releases the toddlers' guide to etiquette

Most parents of toddlers are too busy trying to reign in the tantrums, to pay much attention to the impression their little ones are making on the world.

But just in case you were keen to raise a posh tot with impeccable manners, Tatler has produced an etiquette guide designed with minis in mind.

Featured in their latest issue, ‘the Tatler guide to toddler etiquette’ provides a tongue-in-cheek run down on helping your little one lead a highbrow life.

Explaining that the advice isn’t about parenting but toddler etiquette, the guide says: “To be clear (before the complaints pour in), this is about toddler etiquette. Not about parenting. Not about allowing them to grow like saplings in myriad beautiful and compelling (to you, at least) ways.”

“Not about showing them boundaries without compromising their human rights,” it continues. “Not about role modelling or unconditional love. It’s about etiquette, which is a customary code of behaviour when among other people.”

Divided into how toddlers should behave among their peers and how they should act around adults, advice in the guide ranges from acknowledging that your child will sometimes be an a**ehole and to “be nice” until they grow out of it, to managing a wardrobe crisis by letting the host child have their pick of the fancy dress box.

“Would you let a complete stranger snatch your most treasured possession just to prove you are big-hearted?” the guide asks.

Other toddler titbits include keeping a strict bedtime routine because “toddlers (unlike Mediterranean ones, who seem to be able to handle evenings) are like vampires – they become unpleasant after dark” and removing loud children from the situation because they are “ruining everything for everyone.”

When it comes to toddler don’ts, the guide advises against letting children share their food, taking too many photos of a child in front of others and leaving it too long to take your child to the toilet.

“It’s insane to let a newly potty-trained maniac sit on anything that may be hard to clean. Or valuable. Or antique,” the guide states. “It is your job to drag them to the loo at oppressively short intervals.”

But the guide does encourage parents to bust some moves with their tots, as long as it doesn’t attract too much attention, of course.

To round up their dos and don’ts of toddler etiquette, the Tatler guide has a vital reminder to parents to know your audience “Many people love children. Some people don’t,” it states.

“Always worth remembering that, don’t you think?

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