Why people cheat and the tell-tale signs to look out for

Affairs are more common than we like to think, with one in five British adults admitting to cheating on their partner at least once.

So why do people cheat in the first place and can they ever change? We spoke with three relationship experts to get the low-down.

According to relationship expert Michelle Rose, there are a number of reasons why men and women choose to stray away from home, with a big one being that they try to destroy what they don’t feel worthy of having in the first place.

The fear of love

“If they’ve got a belief that they’re not really worthy, that they’re not really enough, then they will destroy it because we’ll always live up to our beliefs and our identity,” she told Yahoo Lifestyle.

“The closer they get towards love, the more likely they are to do something crazy and destroy it, when they actually don’t believe they have it in the first place. Even though externally they’ve got it, they will destroy it.”

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Michelle believes that love is one of the biggest fears of the human race, because it is a reflection of who we really are.

“The energy of love is so unfamiliar for a lot of people that when they start to go deep they’ll stuff it up , they’ll do something. Because they can only handle the superficial,” she said.

On the other hand, relationship expert Louanne Ward claims people can be addicted to love and sex and have no idea that their actions are leaving a trail of destruction and broken hearts behind them.

She says not all people who cheat will be repeat offenders, however there are certain personality types with certain traits that are more likely to cheat.

Cheaters may be trying to find a part of themselves and she says their deception ‘often has nothing to do with the fact they don’t love their partner any more’.

How to spot a cheater

Louanne says people are often genuinely shocked and heartbroken to discover that their spouse has been unfaithful yet, in many cases, there were a number of key signs that they simply failed to see.

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She recommends looking out for signs of ‘change in behaviour’, such as your partner ‘staying back at work late more often than before, having a renewed interest in their appearance, unexplained and secretive social media activity or any other new and different activity could and should have your radar alerted’.

“Most people will have an inner sense that things are not quite the same and may question their partner about their suspicions,” she said.

Interestedly, she says that usually, when a man cheats, it doesn’t reduce the amount of love he has for his partner, however, when a woman strays, is usually means that she is already emotionally distant in her relationship.

Michelle Rose claims a man might still be devoted to that woman but if he’s not getting his needs met, he’ll look elsewhere.

Relationship expert, Jade Seashell, agrees, saying that a man’s mentality about cheating on his partner is usually that ‘life is short’ and that ‘men aren’t biologically programmed to be faithful and deserve variety in love and in life’.

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Whereas a woman who cheats ‘feels bored & lonely in a relationship, needs attention, affection and validation and doesn’t really want her husband/boyfriend anymore.’

Can you ever trust a cheater?

When it comes to reoffending, Jade Seashell claims men who have cheated due to temptation aren’t likely to reoffend, however a man who’s actively gone on the hunt for an affair will probably do it again.

She claims women cheaters are usually re-offenders because ‘women’s sexuality is contextual – a woman with high sex drive can be aroused very easily and very often’.

The good news is that she claims ‘many relationships can recover from infidelity and become stronger and more connected’.

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