Five ways parents can support trans children
Each year, on 31 March, Trans Day of Visibility celebrates the joy and resilience of trans and non-binary people across the world, giving a platform to their voices and experiences.
According to data from the Metro Youth Chances Report, two in five young trans people (aged 16-25) realised they were trans when they were aged 11 or under, and 0.5% (262,000) of the population reported having a different gender identity from the one they were assigned at birth, per the 2021 Census.
And yet, trans and non-binary people still face discrimination and prejudice – with 51% of trans people having hidden their identity at work and nearly seven in 10 young trans people having been subjected to death threats at school.
Here, Andrea Brookes, press officer at the Beaumont Society, a transgender support group, explains how parents can help bolster their children during this time.
Obstacles and challenges faced
Andrea says that while your own personal beliefs may make it difficult to accept, it is important to think how your child has likely been going through these issues for many years.
"Look back on their life and are there some clues you may have missed: 'As a little boy, he was kind and thoughtful and loved having girls as friends, but there was often crying at night and sheer terror every time school holidays ended.' This may be a sudden shock to you, but they have been struggling with this for a long time," she advises.
"Just as they may lose friends and family members if they transition at school, so may you," she continues. "Be prepared for that – not everyone will be accepting and understanding. You may feel sadness and guilt for not having seen what they were going through and being there to support them. You will need the help and support of others just as much as they will, so reach out to them."
She also urges parents to use reliable sources of information instead of "random internet groups or forums".
"Many trans support groups on platforms like Facebook will allow parents to join, and if you do not know where they are or what to look for, your local Pride organisation should be able to help and many local advice groups, even council ones can help," she says. "The current status of the health service is appalling and does very little to help with young trans people. Getting NHS support will be difficult, more so in some areas than in others, but private healthcare can help particularly when talking about counselling and is not necessarily expensive."
Old photos can also be an issue, according to Andrea. "You may need to keep them hidden as they can cause unwelcome questions/memories," she adds.
Five ways parents can support trans children
"Being a parent of a transgender or non-binary child can be a stressful time, but if you think how stressful it is for you, just consider how stressful it is for your child," Andrea says.
Love them
They are still your child whatever gender may have been marked on their birth certificate and they still need your love and care. If your daughter had been born a boy, would that have changed how much love you had for them? Well, that is happening now and they need you to be there for them, probably more so than at any other time so far.
Believe them
It is known that a person’s identity is formed during the very first part of their life – even during late pregnancy. And when they realise that they are not "like other boys or girls" it can be a very distressing time as they try to understand why they are different. They need you to be there to help them through it, not to judge. This will also help them to understand themselves better and to determine what their true identity really is.
Understand
Educate yourself from reliable sources. Find a supportive organisation that will help you to understand the feelings and difficulties that your child is going through. Mermaids is one such organisation for transgender children, Beaumont is another for parents of young adults, but there are others.
Care for them
There are horror stories out there about forced gender changes and so on – these are propaganda intended to hurt you and your child. Help them to get the proper and professional help and advice that they need. And support them through the long waits for such help and advice.
Do not consider any form of conversion practice
These techniques are harmful, damaging and ultimately totally ineffective, and could very well leave your child with long term effects of PTSD, or, unfortunately, suicide.
Regaining trust and communication
If your child has retreated following your initial response to their news, there are various ways you can earn it back, according to Andrea.
She says: "Regaining the trust of your child is really important if you are going to be able to help them through this time. You need as a parent to put aside the misconceptions you may have had by understanding what it means to be trans and to approach them in as open a manner as possible and show them that you are there for them.
"Depending on what had gone wrong and what they may have heard from peers, they may be more or less open to your approaches, but persist in trying and being there for them. And again, some of the support groups for you as a parent are important as you can share your experiences and learn from others about what went well and what didn’t."
Other useful resources
Read more about parenting:
Worried about your child after watching Adolescence? Then you should read this (Yahoo Life UK, 16-min read)
10 ways parents can support LGBT+ children (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
The secret emoji code highlighted by Adolescence that parents must know about (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
