Worried about your child after watching Adolescence? Then you should read this

If you’re the parent of a young boy and you’ve watched Adolescence, you’ve likely asked yourself what you can do to prevent your child from being exposed to harmful content and absorbing misogynistic ideologies online.

Because, as much as the Netflix series does a fantastic job of highlighting this worrying and very real trend, it doesn’t exactly provide answers – much less practical tips on what parents, the government and society can do to stop violence against young women and girls.

So prevalent has the issue become that the National Crime Agency (NCA) has warned that "sadistic and violent online gangs" are predominantly targeting teenage boys through online networks, inflicting untold harm and promoting a range of violent criminality. It even states that reports of this nature have increased six-fold in the UK from 2022-2024.

Last year, the UN also declared violence against women and girls a "national emergency", revealing that at least 51,000 were intentionally killed around the world in 2023, and that 2022 was the worst year for femicides in 20 years. These acts are not just carried out by strangers – in fact, the majority of perpetrators are family members or known to their victims.

How is this happening?

Of course, violence towards and hatred of women and girls is not a new thing – nor are gender imbalances.

While anthropologists have identified at least 160 martilineal societies across the Americas, Africa and Asia, whereby inheritance is handed down from mother to daughter and people are considered to belong to their mothers’ families, the patriarchy has existed for millennia and is far more wide-reaching in the Western world. These social constructs are in no small part what fuelled civil rights movements and the rise of feminism in the first place.

But instead of seeing these calls for change as a positive progression, the likes of Andrew Tate – a self-proclaimed misogynist influencer – have vilified feminism, claiming that rather than being about equal rights and opportunities for both men and women, it is about men-bashing and putting women on top. He calls for young men and boys to put a stop to feminism and "take back control."

Despite the fact that most of his accounts have been removed from social media, his reach is still sizeable and he’s not been banned from every platform (he and his brother Tristan have over 13 million combined followers on X, and Andrew’s podcast has over 15,000 monthly listeners on Spotify).

Then, such is the nature of influencing, those who have been inspired by his words perpetuate the issue by sharing his harmful opinions further – or mimicking them – not just on socials, but on forums, too.

Why is this happening?

At this stage, you’re probably asking: "What has this got to do with my 13-year-old boy?" The answer is: plenty.

According to data from Ofcom, almost all young people aged three to 17 watch videos on video-sharing apps, and 80% of 16-17-year-olds watch live-streamed video content. Almost a fifth of children also have a false social media age of 18+, putting them at greater risk of accessing harmful or criminal content.

Dr Emma Cunningham, a senior lecturer in criminology, women in policing and feminism at the University of East London, says that young people, in particular, are prone to this type of content because they are impressionable and have limited life experiences at that age.

She tells Yahoo UK: "The problem with influencers such as Andrew Tate is his successful image as a businessman – as a winner. With all that comes the trappings of success: smart cars, nice clothes, the wealth which allows him freedoms other boys and men could perhaps only dream of.

"His 'influence' is incredibly dangerous and many boys and men have been influenced by him and have followed his success, wanting to emulate it without thinking about him as a predator who is exploiting women and girls for his own and others' gratification."

"The glamour belies the toxic masculinity, which allows his misogyny to be masked," she continues. "The risk is these ideas are becoming mainstream, and without challenge this has the potential to embolden perpetrators into worse and worse predatory behaviours, as has been highlighted recently by Gareth Southgate, who called for role models for young men, rather than pornography and gambling."

Although it has also been speculated that a certain "type" of boy or man is more prone to this type of radicalisation (for example, singer Sam Fender recently claimed in an interview with The Sunday Times that working-class lads were "made to feel like they’re a problem" and have been "shamed" by their "white privilege," meaning they are "seduced" by Tate’s rhetoric), Dr Cunningham warns that this is a dangerous route to go down, as it may mean overlooking certain cohorts or underplaying how wide-scale the issue is.

"Young people from all walks of life need to have examples of how this can be approached without losing face, and in a way that they could see themselves being able to use in their own interactions. It may be that some young boys who have few chances or opportunities may be swayed by Tate's financial success, but so, too, are others from better-off backgrounds, who have paid to be mentored through Tate's misogynistic programmes," she explains.

Are there signs to look out for?

While it would be useful if there were specific things to look out for, to stop these behaviours in their tracks, consultant child and adolescent psychotherapist Alison Roy says it's not quite as clean-cut as that.

The issue is that both girls and boys are going through various life changes at this stage – from hormonal shifts and academic pressures, to navigating the social element of school, such as hierarchies and popularity. They will all, to varying degrees, seem different from their former selves – because they are. And there is always a desire to appear or act more grown-up.

But, Roy says there are certain behaviours parents can pick up on. She explains: "It’s the disconnect that parents often feel first, as if they can’t reach their young person anymore. They may put this down to adolescence but actually teens need their parents just as much as they did when they were toddlers, just in different ways.

"There are other signs which may indicate radicalisation – watch out for knives going missing, phone bills going up, your state of mind changing around your young person and high levels of stress and distress becoming the norm.

"Language also changes – not just typical teenaged lack of interest in conversations and more slang, but coded language and repeated phrases, clear statements about your 'place' or status as a woman or mother, for example, or strange and dogmatic beliefs or statements about others, women, minority groups, etc."

Indeed, in the show, Jamie's only observation about his mother is that she's a good cook, whereas he views his father as a multi-faceted person who "works hard" to provide for his family.

"Get support from an expert if you believe this to be happening," Roy recommends. "In the first instance, if you think your young person is at risk, call your social work duty line. If you’re concerned for someone’s immediate safety, call the police."

So, what are the solutions?

As tempting as it may be to throw out the iPad and lock them in a room for the rest of their days, it's not as simple as that. Young boys and men need to understand what healthy interactions look and feel like, and young girls and women need to also understand what coercive and threatening behaviour looks and feels like.

Teach kids about misogyny, collaboration and allyship

Dr Cunningham believes that both girls and boys need to be taught to see each other as "potential collaborators against inequality."

"It's not about domination or exploitation," she says. "Work for young people on how they can become allies is important in changing the narratives about boys versus girls – or vice versa. Misogyny, like coercive control, needs to be clearly described and explained, and applied to real life situations to help young people see why these are abusive behaviours."

She adds: "Young boys and men should know that their power and influence could be used so much more positively as allies of women and girls, and this should be reinforced by families within the home. Even young boys and girls can be shown how to treat others well and with the same respect that they should expect to be treated."

Challenge them on their beliefs

If left unchallenged, these ideas and beliefs start to take root – they become normalised and part of everyday interactions.

"Misogynistic ideas and toxic masculinity can be found wherever boys and men are dominant, so a digital ban will not end the influence of these ideas," Dr Cunningham says. "Challenge to such notions is vital.

"In my research into misogyny and racism in policing, I found that as a previously all-male occupation, the culture was able to often go unchallenged in terms of the toxic masculinity accepted by both new and older policemen, which emboldened police perpetrators of violence against women and girls such as Wayne Couzens [Sarah Everard's killer] and [serial rapist] David Carrick."

Teach kids what healthy relationships look like

Roy says that "some young women can mistake controlling behaviours for confidence," and it's just as important to teach girls about healthy relationships and consent as it is boys.

"It’s worth thinking about these confusions with them and how they can learn to spot the difference. Ask them how they feel when they are with someone, or how a certain situation made them feel" so they can then start to identify red flags early on.

She also believes that we need to teach young girls how to combat negative images of themselves (whether physical or otherwise), and encourage them to find ways of knowing and being themselves.

If parents of young girls suspect their daughter is in an abusive or dangerous situation, Roy says the key is to keep communication open and resist trying to control the situation, as this will likely push them away and cut off any outside influence.

"Call social care if you’re really concerned about risk, and check your local helpline numbers for support," she adds.

Be the positive influence they are seeking

Just as Gareth Southgate pointed out, young boys need positive role models to look up to – but that doesn't necessarily mean they have to be celebrities or social media stars.

According to a survey by the Literacy Trust, while more than half of children look up to YouTubers, 67.4% said they look up to their mums and 60.2% said they look up to their dads as role models.

Roy says it's important to acknowledge and accept the world has changed, and while benign neglect may have worked in the past, it is no longer possible due to all the toxic influences competing for their attention.

Instead, parents – both mums and dads – should seek to provide positive influences for their children. It's not about perfection; it's about connection. It's about learning from mistakes, acknowledging fault, treating others with respect, and reinforcing those attitudes and values in your children.

Reduce screen-time and remove devices from bedrooms

"Screens in bedrooms are not a great idea if you have little control over them and if you don’t have an open and honest relationship with your young person," says Roy. "If you agree to screens in bedrooms then make sure there are rules and boundaries around this where you don’t end up relinquishing power to a child or people you know nothing about."

You can also add time limits and parental controls at device level, and read this guide on reducing screen-time for kids.

Create clear boundaries, communicate and avoid shaming them

"Try to persevere with conversations," Roy adds. "Keep setting boundaries but not without discussion – and ask questions which show a real interest in your young person, what they are into and why. Avoid shaming and implying that your young person has been 'stupid' – this is a real trigger."

Don't engage with their anger

"If faced with fury, don’t go head-on – but also try not to withdraw from them emotionally," says Roy. "It’s hard, but be clear and confident.

"I encourage parents based on what a young person advised me to tell parents years ago, 'I’m getting out of your face, but not out of your life.' Phrases like, 'When you are ready to speak and think with me, I will be in the garden/living room' work really well.

"If you’re really intimidated then choose a more neutral space without threats (such as knives in the kitchen) and where you can both feel you have space to think and process something difficult."

What the government is doing to crackdown on online hate

The Prime Minister spoke about the impact of the Netflix series in the House of Commons last week, saying he was "worried" about the "crisis in masculinity" raised by the show.

Although some have suggested a minister for men (there is already a women and equalities minister), Sir Keir Starmer told BBC Radio 5 Live that he didn't think that was "the answer".

The Department for Science, Innovation and Technology told Yahoo UK: "Violence against women and girls is a scourge on our country, which is why we’ve set out an unprecedented mission to halve violence against women and girls within a decade, overhauling every aspect of society’s response to these devastating crimes.

"Online platforms have a responsibility to make sure their spaces are not promoting this illegal content. From today, under the Online Safety Act, platforms must take action to remove illegal content including harassment, controlling behaviour and intimate image abuse. Additional protections in force from summer will mean platforms also have to protect children from harmful content including abusive and hateful misogyny and violent content."

They also outlined the following initiatives:

Online Safety Act

• Platforms are required under the Online Safety Act to take steps to remove content where it is illegal, including violent material, to protect users and our communities from online harms. This includes content that is often targeted at women and girls including harassment, stalking, controlling or coercive behaviour, extreme pornography, and intimate image abuse.

• By this summer, the Online Safety Act will bring in protections for children to make sure their experiences online are appropriate for their age. Further details on how the Act will protect children can be found here.

• The regulator Ofcom recently published draft guidance for all platforms to ensure they improve women and girls’ online safety by designing their services to prevent harm and support users.

Action on violence against women and girls

• Government has set out an unprecedented mission to halve violence against women and girls within a decade, overhauling every aspect of society’s response to these devastating crimes.

• We will drastically improve the policing and criminal justice response, including a relentless pursuit of dangerous perpetrators and sustained support for victims.

• We have wasted no time in taking action to better protect victims and pursue perpetrators. This includes:

  • Raneem’s Law: From early 2025, we will start embedding domestic abuse specialists and dedicated domestic abuse teams in 999 control rooms.

  • Measures to tackle spiking: A new criminal offence for spiking and new spiking training for up to 10,000 staff.

  • New Domestic Abuse Protection Orders: In November, we launched new DAPO orders in select police forces and courts. These will not have a minimum or maximum duration, which allows victims to get protection for as long as needed. They also cover all forms of domestic abuse.

  • Measures to protect stalking victims: This includes making sure victims have the right to know the identity of online stalkers and widening the use of Stalking Protection Orders, which can ban stalkers from going within a certain distance of victims or force them to attend behaviour programmes.

Online safety in relationships, sex and health education:

• We all want to find the best way of ensuring children are kept safe while also benefiting from the latest digital technology, and teachers feel supported delivering lessons on online and media safety.

• The mandatory Relationships, Sex and Health Education (RSHE) curriculum includes teaching about online safety to ensure children understand how to keep safe both in school and at home.

• The subjects include the rules and principles for keeping safe online, how to critically evaluate online friendships and sources of information, why social media and some games are age-restricted and the risks of spending excessive time online.

• We are currently reviewing the RSHE statutory guidance, and the Secretary of State is clear that children’s wellbeing must be at the heart of it. We are analysing consultation responses and talking to stakeholders before making decisions about any additional content to be included.

• 93% of children eight and older have had at least one school class on online safety.

Read more about Adolescence

• The secret emoji code highlighted by Adolescence that parents must know about (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)

• Adolescence viewers are focusing on the wrong thing (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)

• What does the manosphere mean? The toxic 'incel' culture shown in Netflix's Adolescence (Yahoo News UK, 7-min read)