10 ways parents can support LGBT+ children

Marie-Claire Dorking
·Contributor
·5-min read
Mother talking to her teenage child about LGBT+ issues. (Getty Images)
Children may have picked up wrong information about coronavirus from their friends or the Internet. (Getty Images)

Celebrities including singer Jessie Ware, DJ Annie Mac and Bridgerton star Jonathan Bailey are backing a new campaign urging parents to become LGBT+ allies and combat homophobic language in primary schools.

As part of the campaign, young people's charity Just Like Us have produced a new Guide For Parents, to to help ensure that children grow up knowing that being LGBT+ is nothing to be ashamed of. The guide authors hope this will subsequently help to reduce future rates of anti-LGBT+ bullying in schools and workplaces.

Bailey, who is a patron of the charity, said: "As parents you want the best for your children – you want them to feel safe, be confident, and thrive. Any home can welcome in a member of the LGBTQ+ community. There should be no shame in parents not understanding or knowing how best to support their LGBTQ+ children and their straight children to be allies, only shame in parents who don’t endeavour to protect, nurture, and celebrate their LGBTQ+ children."

Say You Love Me singer Jessie Ware said she wanted her children to "grow up in a world where they feel safe, loved, accepted for exactly who they are, knowing that love is love, and that standing up for others matters".

It comes after research from Just Like Us found that 78% of primary school pupils, and 80% of secondary school pupils have heard homophobic language, yet a third of British parents had never spoken to their child about what LGBT+ means.

The charity's research also found that despite the majority of straight parents considering themselves to be supportive of LGBT+ people, a third (31%) of LGBT+ young people are still not confident their parents will accept them.

At the more extreme end, the charity warns family estrangement can manifest, with figures finding this is experienced by 46% of LGBT+ young adults who are estranged from at least one family member.

Mother and son embracing on couch
Talking to your child about LGBT+ issues is a learning curve, experts stress. (Getty Images)

To address some of the issues the guide hopes to encourage positive and open conversations about LGBT+ topics and identities with children, showing children that difference is something to be celebrated, whether they themselves are part of the LGBT+ community or not.

Topics covered include unlearning stereotypes, encouraging schools to be inclusive, and how to support children if they come out.

Commenting on the aims of the guide, author Amy Ashenden, director of communications and engagement at Just Like Us, said: "As a parent myself, I know so many of us really want to do the best for our children and make sure they grow up knowing how incredible and loved they are. But many LGBT+ young people struggle, even in families where parents aren’t homophobic, because sometimes there’s just a lack of knowledge of how to approach this topic."

Ashenden went on to express her ope that the guide will help parents and carers "feel empowered to open up conversations at home and be proud allies to the LGBT+ community."

"Whether or not your child is LGBT+, or they don’t know yet, this guide is for everyone," she adds. "Together, we can show the next generation that there is no shame in being LGBT+."

Guide author, Ashenden, says it takes a lot of courage to come out as LGBT+ in a world that is often unaccepting. "Be regularly vocal of your love and pride," she advises.

The guide encourages parents to keep an open dialogue with children, beyond their coming out moment, and acknowledging this part of them they’ve shared with you.

Every child and family is different, so guide authors suggest asking them what support they need, including finding out whether they are ready to come out to wider family members.

Ashenden suggests show an ongoing interest in LGBT+ topics. "Offer to go to Pride together, be curious and a great listener," she says. "Own your mistakes but remember trying is more important than perfection!"

Parents need support, too. "Switchboard, Pink Therapy, Naz and Matt Foundation and FFLAG are great resources," Ashenden says.

A father and son talking while on a walk. (Getty Images)
Experts suggest kick-starting the discussion while out on a walk. (Getty Images)

The guide suggests starting conversations from a young age, perhaps via reading inclusive books with children. It also suggests being vocal about your support for the LGBT+ community. "LGBT+ people exist - don’t be afraid to talk about this," Ashenden adds.

Ashenden suggests talking about how it’s OK to be LGBT+ and that it’s accepted in your family. She sites an example of not using "gay" as an insult.

Even if your child isn't LGBT+ it is important to still be an ally. "There’s no one way to be LGBT+ so keep an open mind and don’t make assumptions," Ashenden adds.

The guide recommends listening to podcasts, reading books and blogs and watching documentaries about the subject. "Learn about the wider LGBT+ community too, not just gay men," Ashenden adds.

Ashenden encourages parents to tell their child’s teachers that they support their child learning about different kinds of families and the diversity of the world around them.

Read more about LGBTQ+ parenting:

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