One Man’s Battle with Bulimia
“People assume when you have an eating disorder you look skeletal, but I was never like that,” says Daniel Magson, addressing the camera for BBC Three documentary, The Naked Truth. A very personal confession somehow made even more earnest by the fact that he is completely naked.
“I looked a perfectly healthy weight. Nobody would know that I had bulimia."
That you must look gaunt and thin is one of many damaging stereotypes perpetuated about people with eating disorders in the UK. In reality, it’s estimated that just 10 per cent are anorexic, for which a BMI of 17.5 or below can be an indicator in adults.
By contrast, 40 per cent are bulimic. The remaining 50 per cent either suffer from binge eating disorder (BED), or fall under the EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) category. These eating disorders have no weight criteria. They’re invisible.
Not Just a Female Issue
Eating disorders are pigeonholed as a female issue. And yet up to 25 per cent of sufferers are male, according to the UK’s leading eating disorders charity, B-EAT.
We often don’t have the opportunity to hear their stories, which is why 26-year-old Magson, a campaigner for eating disorder awareness, decided to participate in the show.
For those who missed the first series, (naked) people from all walks of life open up about their personal experiences, share their perspectives, and instigate important conversations about body image. Magson remembers becoming critical of his own in his early teens.
“I was quite overweight as a teenager, but it never really bothered me until I was about 15,” he says. “I started becoming more aware of my body and the way others reacted to it.
“I had all the issues that everyone had – the stress of trying to figure out your identity and who you are. I was also struggling with my sexuality, and I felt really ashamed of the fact that I felt different.
“At the same time, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and a few months later, my mum was diagnosed with cancer too. They both had to go into hospital. All of a sudden the comments that people made felt a lot more intense.”
His five-year battle with bulimia began almost by accident. After a long and difficult day at school, Magson “overate to the point where I was sick, by mistake”.
“That empty feeling felt great,” he says. “The mindset I was in at that moment was something that I became addicted to. I wanted more of it.”
Becoming Routine
The act of being intentionally sick progressed from something that happened now and again, to an integral part of his daily routine. It took over his life, says Magson.
“I would plan what time I would be able to leave dinner and pretend I was going to shower,” he explains. “I would scope out the bathroom at restaurants to make sure the cubicles were fully sealed, so I could kneel down without being spotted. If they weren't, I wouldn't eat there.”
The meticulous planning involved in maintaining his eating disorder affected Magson’s entire life, but he didn’t speak to anyone about what he was going through. “I didn't want anyone to know because I was incredibly ashamed,” he says. “I assumed that it was the way my life would be forever.”
Eventually, Magson’s family noticed something was wrong. Having been through a similar experience when she was younger, his mum suggested paying his doctor a visit. But it didn’t go to plan.
“They said I was a boy and therefore didn’t have an eating disorder, it was just stress-related,” he recalls. “It took so much courage to talk to someone about it. I was about to go to university and as soon as I got there I was very much on my own, independent. After that, it just spiralled.”
As Magson neared the end of his degree, the reality of his disordered eating hit him. “I spent my final year of uni talking about my career, and I realised I'm not going to have a future because this eating disorder is killing me,” he said. “That realisation was a huge wake up call.”
Making a Positive Change
Having been rejected by medical professionals in the past, he decided to go it alone, and began cultivating a fresh approach to food and exercise. Later, he reached out to UK charity Anorexia and Bulimia Care, for whom he now acts as vice chair.
“I realised that even though I'd stopped being sick, I wasn't recovered,” he says. “I hadn’t dealt with any of the mental health issues surrounding my eating disorder. Through Anorexia and Bulimia Care I was connected to a therapist and got professional help.
“That was the greatest thing I've ever done. What therapy taught me is that the biggest thing I have is my value and my worth, and that isn't set by my body image or what I eat or how healthy I am. It's set by what I think of myself.”
Magdon’s story may be one man’s experience, but there are countless other men out there who struggle with disordered eating every single day. There are countless resources available for advice, he says, whether you prefer to reach out through a confidential helpline or email anonymously for support.
“Body positivity is something women have been talking about for a few years now. It’s time men joined the movement. Hopefully people will be open to the idea and share their own experiences.”
All episodes of The Naked Truth will be available on BBC Three from Thursday 10 January.
