Why this mum wants a 'no visitor' policy for her newborn

There’s no doubt that pregnancy seems to invite the opinions and recommendations of, well, everyone, but what are the rules once the baby is born? One new mum took to the internet to ask others what they think of a “no visitors” policy once the baby is brought home from hospital.

“Is it just me or are there a lot of people who think they have some right to see a squishy newborn?” she wrote on parenting forum Mumsnet. “My friends have sent messages saying congratulations… but family, especially family that you don’t see much of normally, expect to come around and see you when the baby is a couple of days old. There is never any question of ‘is mum ready for it?’ or is it convenient?”

To avoid confrontation from family members, she suggested the potential of her family escaping to a cottage without telling anyone the address for a month or two to settle into their new life as parents.

While forum users agreed that escaping to a remote destination wasn’t the best idea, most recommended she be honest with the perpetrators.

“Just say it is not convenient. If they turn up at the door, send them away or say it would be lovely to see you but it is feeding/nap time so it will have to be another time,” commented one user.

“I will never understand that! I thought everyone on earth understood how difficult and painful childbirth is, how hard newborns can be, how it’s a time of upheaval and adjustment… Why would anybody go invade the home of a new mum without an explicit invitation or request for help? I don’t know… If anybody asks you if they can come by, tell them you’re still healing and exhausted right now, you and baby are adjusting, and if they can wait a couple weeks time, it will be a more pleasant visit for everyone,” wrote another.

While others offered techniques for avoiding any future confrontations through compromising her anti-visitor stance.

“The way I got around it was by choosing one day and giving people a 1-2 hour slot depending on how much you like them. Add breaks for feeding yourself. Honestly we got through quite a few visitors and then it was all done,” offered one reader.

“If I were you, I would wait several days before even telling anyone your baby has been born and then don’t answer the door to any callers outside of a pre-arranged time or agree for all visitors to come on a certain day at a certain time, and get it over with,” added another.

Other new mums weighed in on their personal experiences with some even admitting they couldn’t imagine not having visitors to share the first days of having a newborn with.

“I know I’m in a minority of one here, but I do struggle with all this anti-visitor stuff. I’ve had three lovely children and I was so glad when people called in. Each baby was a celebration, a gift, a treasure, and I wanted to share the joy with everyone. Yes, OK, I get the inconvenience but in my experience people only want to stay a short while and share the joy. Why all the dread, the disgruntled martyrdom? Can’t you just be glad someone wants to celebrate with you?” wrote another.

“Both of my children were born in foreign countries shortly after we had moved. We had no visitors and it was depressing,” admitted another Mumsnet user.

While the response to the post seems to have mixed feedback, what do you think is the acceptable response? Should families allow new mums more space? Or should new mums accept that “it takes a village?”

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