Is Katherine Ryan's 'good behaviour waiver’ for her teenage daughter's friends a good idea?

Having a large group of teenagers in your home can sound like a recipe for disaster, but Katherine Ryan seems to have found a solution.

The comedian recently revealed in the latest episode of her podcast Telling Everybody Everything that she sent “waivers” to fellow parents ahead of her teenage daughter’s forthcoming Halloween party.

Ryan, 40, said the "good behaviour forms" had to be signed by the parents of her 14-year-old daughter Violet’s friends before they could attend the party, which would take place at her home.

She added that she hired a security firm for the party to conduct bag searches and that she would be at home to oversee the festivities and ensure no hanky-panky occurs.

The mother-of-three explained that she decided to draw up the waiver as a means of ensuring the teenagers stay "safe and respectful", as well as to keep her home "from being vandalised".

"[Basically], I gave Violet a number of children she was allowed to invite. She sent these invites out to more children than that," Ryan said. "I also prepared a document. I just think in this day and age, with liabilities and having all these kids in my house, I want to send a really clear message to them, when they’re 14, what the expectations are in my house."

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She continued: "Also, I think it’s a good message to the parents to know that if I expect this form signed by a parent with the parent’s phone number, then they know that I’m not the kind of mum that allows drinking or vaping or anything else."

Reading out the form, Ryan said the waiver acknowledges that neither she nor her husband Bobby Kootstra will "tolerate any illegal behaviour" at the party. "At 14 and 15 years old, illegal behaviour includes drinking alcohol, vaping, any sexual activity, assault, vandalism," she read. "Anyone found to be engaging in any illegal behaviour will be asked to leave and parents called."

The waiver also tells the parents of the other children that they must speak to their teenagers about "having bag searches and guestlist checks at the door" before they will be permitted to enter Ryan’s home.

"This document feels like a lot but i feel it’s important to be clear with my expectations for this party and all - if any, let’s see how it goes - future parties," the Duchess star concluded.

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Is a ‘good behaviour form’ a good idea?

While Ryan’s approach is unconventional, it may be beneficial for setting clear boundaries and expectations when it comes to teenage social events, psychologist and relationship adviser Barbara Santini tells Yahoo UK.

"Ryan’s use of waivers provides an excellent educational opportunity for both parents and teenagers alike," she says. "It opens a channel on for discussion on topics like responsible socialising, consent, and individual accountability."

The very idea of issuing such a document may not sit well with some parents, but Santini thinks it could give parents a jumping-off point to start having "collaborative discussions" with their teenage children.

"It allows parents to involve their teenagers in establishing boundaries, fostering a sense of ownership and responsibility," she explains. "Instead of viewing the waiver as a strict contract, it can be seen as a tool to reinforce trust. It sets clear expectations and provides an opportunity for teenagers to demonstrate their reliability."

But not everyone agrees with Ryan’s solution. Fiona Scott, media consultant and owner of Scott Media, recently hosted 17 teenagers at her house for her 16-year-old son’s birthday party. In her opinion, Ryan’s use of a "contract" to ensure good behaviour is "utterly insulting to those young people [and] their parents".

"We have to trust our young people - often we’ll know their friends anyway over time and if there are any ‘trouble-makers’ will have talked about that so any worries about individuals should have been discussed and expectations set verbally and privately," she says.

"For me, getting some kind of ‘contract’ shows a lack of distrust of your own child [and] their choice of friends, and is frankly bizarre and arrogant. It could also badly impact on your child and their friendships, and this is deeply important to young people."

Should you draw up a contract?

While it is natural for parents to be concerned about what their teenagers might be exposed to when they hold or attend parties and other events, it is important to try and keep their social experiences positive.

Parenting expert Matt Buttery, CEO of global parenting program provider Triple P UK, tells Yahoo UK that before you start writing up a behaviour waiver for your teenager and their friends, you should consider several things in order to strike a healthy balance:

Open communication

This is the "key the a happy and healthy parent-child relationship", Buttery says. "A good behaviour waiver could help with this, putting to rest any concerns your child might have over potential inappropriate behaviour."

Collaboration

Drafting a document together can "help your child feel comfortable in reaching out if they have concerns before, during, or after the party". "Discuss the waiver with your child and, only when you have reached an agreement, encourage them to share it with their friends as ground rules for the party to go ahead."

Risks

Consider that a behaviour contract could cause feelings of shame in teenagers if they feel ashamed for a mistake or have done something that goes against the waiver.

"Teenagers in particular should not be shamed for mistakes they make, these should instead be treated as moments to learn," Buttery warns. "The balance to strike is between setting expectations without stigmatising and rewarding the behaviour you want to see."

Watch: How to help communicate with your children as they enter teenage years