Hello baby, goodbye friends? How motherhood can take its toll on your friendships
Do your friendships change post motherhood? [Photo: Adrianna Calvo via Pexels]
When you become a parent it’s fairly safe to say that life changes. You swap all-nighters on the town, for all-nighters in a darkened nursery, days in a bustling office, for days at a noisy baby group and an on-trend wardrobe from TopShop for anything that hasn’t got baby sick down it. But one of the biggest, often unexpected, motherhood game-changers is the affect it has on your friendships.
If you found making time for your mates pre-kids tricky you can forget about it post mummyhood, friends you swore BFF allegiance to over porn-star martinis disappear into the night never to be heard from again and the mere thought of a girly gossip in the pub has you yawning.
The friend-ing post-baby topic is something that’s caught the attention of parenting blogger Jess Bovey of New Mum Club. In her latest blog post ‘I am THAT friend’ she discusses how shocked she’s been at the impact becoming a mum has had on her friendships.
Parenting blogger Jess Bovey has penned an honest post about the affect motherhood can have on friendships [Photo: Facebook/New Mum Club]
For friends without children it’s harder to understand, they often take it personally or think that you’re choosing not to make any effort or that you simply don’t care. That is not the case at all,” the mum-of-one writes.
“I don’t like going out at night because 1. I am tired and 2. That means I don’t get to say goodnight to Baxter. I then go to work in the morning and he is still asleep when I leave so I then don’t get to see him until the next evening.”
“When I am not busy being a mum, more often than not the last thing I want to do is be social, and that’s all me, not you.”
And it’s not just a lack of time that the new mum has found has altered her friendships.
“I have the lowest tolerance for bulls**t these days, from dramatic friends to opinionated people online (ironic as I can one of them). I have so much more to worry about these days, and have just found I simply can’t be bothered with trivial things that are of such low importance to me.”
The parenting blogger explains that a good friend once told her that you find out who your good friends are once you’ve had a baby. And though she couldn’t imagine that would be the case, she’s actually found it to be completely true.
“My priorities have completely changed since having Baxter and I never saw it coming, there were people I considered good friends who have never even met my son and due to this I have pulled back and decided that I don’t need people like that in my life.”
And though she might have got upset about it before, now the mum-of-one says she sees things differently.
“Yes, people without children are busy too but so much changes once you have little people who depend on you entirely. Being a mum has really made me see things in a whole different perspective. You realise what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think and more about what you think of yourself.”
Jess and her son Baxter [Photo: Facebook/New Mum Club]
The blogger’s refreshingly honest take on friendships in motherhood has clearly resonated hugely with her followers and many have commented thanking her for sharing the post.
“I felt like I was reading about myself. This is such a spot on article,” one mum posted on New Mum Club’s Facebook page.
“I’m that friend. It takes me days and sometimes weeks to reply to a message. I just get distracted and simply forget,” another person wrote.
“I lost a friendship because of this, I was to busy creating a life with sustenance for future children and she didn’t like being second best,” added another.
Have your friendships changed since becoming a parent? Let us know @YahooStyleUK
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