Davina McCall shares pain of daughter leaving for Australia: 'I wept all the way back from the airport'
Davina McCall has shared the emotional struggles she experienced when her teenage daughter was preparing to move to Australia.
The Masked Singer judge, 55, has three children with ex-husband Matthew Robertson: Holly, 21, Tilly, 19, and Chester, 16, with her middle child recently leaving the UK for a "new chapter" down under.
Speaking on Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s Spinning Plates podcast, McCall discussed how the family coped in the lead-up to Tilly's departure and recalled some advice from her partner Michael Douglas, which helped her deal with the mixed emotions she was experiencing.
"I had such an interesting thing because I spoke to my partner about her, pre-leaving, and everything in my make-up was saying, 'Go out for dinner as much as you can, sit down and have one-to-one meals, go and talk to her as much as you can in your bedroom, go and do things together, spend as much time together as possible…' and before she went, she didn’t really want to spend any time with me at all!’
McCall explained that her daughter was busy seeing other friends and family members, which she found difficult to deal with.
"I was talking to Michael and I was like, 'I’m really struggling with this'," the TV presenter continued.
"He said, 'Ok, let’s go back to when you were 19. What were you doing?' I said, 'I was leaving home and moving into a room in someone’s flat.’
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Her partner then asked her: "How did you feel?" to which McCall replied: "I was so excited."
She went on: "And he said, 'Did you think about your parents’ feelings and how they felt about you leaving?' I said, 'No'.
"He was like, 'There you go! It’s not even on her radar that you are pining.'"
Douglas also went on to advise that McCall try to hide her feelings from her daughter, because it would make her feel bad about going and "this is the most exciting thing she's ever done."
"I was like, that is the best advice ever," McCall added.
McCall isn't the only celebrity to discuss the emotions surrounding children leaving home. Last year Ruth Langsford spoke about “the pain of empty nest syndrome” after dropping her son off at university for the first time.
The Loose Women presenter, 62, said she felt like her “womb had been ripped out” in the weeks after saying goodbye to 20-year-old Jack, who she shares with husband Eamonn Holmes.
“I truly understand the pain of empty nest syndrome,” she told Woman and Home magazine.
“The day we dropped off Jack at university, we said goodbye and, as we got around the corner, I burst into tears.
“It sounds dramatic but for the next three days, I felt like I’d had my womb ripped out. It was pain.
“I was sitting on his bed, sniffing his pillow, and I kept his bedroom door shut so I could imagine he was in there.”
Thankfully, Langsford said she has learnt to cope with the situation, knowing her son is happy at university, and no longer gets as upset when he leaves.
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What is empty nest syndrome?
Empty nest syndrome is a term coined to describe the feelings of loneliness and sadness some parents experience when their children grow up and leave home.
Some common emotions parents may experience when their children leave home include:
Feelings of sadness, loss or grief
Feeling like you have a lack of purpose
Having a sense of loneliness
Being worried about your child’s safety or ability to look after themselves
Having a sense of disconnect from your child
"If you’re a parent whose child is about to leave for university, it’s natural to feel a range of emotions," explains Paul Guess, case management officer at wellbeing charity caba.
"You’ll no doubt feel happy they have achieved a place and are embarking on an exciting new adventure. At the same time, you may also be feeling a sense of sadness or loneliness. These conflicting feelings, often referred to as ‘empty nest syndrome’, are common."
According to Hannah Ellis Carmichael, director and co-founder of the Living Well Alone Project, children leaving home is a huge adjustment which many parents don't anticipate.
"Parents are so focussed on helping their kids navigate the transition to living independently – usually for the first time – that they don't think about the impact on themselves until much later," she explains.
"But if large parts of your life have been devoted to caring for your kids, it's normal to feel a sense of loss when they're not there anymore."
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Empty nest syndrome is more common than you may think. UK charity Family Lives says it receives a spike in calls from anxious parents at the beginning of term.
Many worry about their child and how they will cope with being away from home, while others are troubled by the idea their relationship with their partner might suffer now they’re on their own again.
Thankfully, there are some ways to cope with these feelings of anxiety and loss.
Talk to other empty nesters
If your child is about to leave for university, you may know other parents who are in the same boat. If so, starting a dialogue about your feelings may reassure you that your emotions are valid.
"Getting things off your chest and acknowledging how you feel can bring immediate relief too," advises Guess.
"Remember, you’re not alone. Forums such as Mumsnet, Family Lives or Netmums all offer a great place to connect with other empty nesters who can offer invaluable advice and support."
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Reconnect as a couple
Many coupled parents struggle with empty nest syndrome because they feel one-to-one time with their partner over the years has been lost to family chats – and now suddenly, it’s just the two of them.
If you’re feeling lost for conversation, Guess suggests saving the awkwardness by telling your partner how you feel.
"With all that extra privacy in the house you can start to rekindle your relationship and get to know one another again," he says. "Try doing things you used to do for fun before your family came along, such as having more evenings out or weekends away."
Or you could try taking up a new hobby together.
"It may feel strange when you start doing things for yourselves after decades of putting your children first but having more quality time together should do wonders for your relationship."
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Indulge your interests
Whether single or in a couple, Guess suggests taking some time to rekindle your passions.
"Perhaps you let a much-loved hobby slide to raise your child, or have always wanted to take up a particular activity? This can be your chance to carve out some time for yourself.
"This can be particularly relevant to single parent empty nesters as free time may suddenly feel in abundance. Try to find ways to use some of your new time for you and enjoy it."
Delay any drastic changes
Once your children have left home you may be tempted to make changes to fill the void, such as moving to a new house for instance, but Guess suggests pressing pause on any major life moves.
"While it may feel a big part of your life is coming to an end, take the time to fully adjust to your new situation before you make any major decisions," he explains.
Get active
Being more physically active is a great way to boost your mood as it helps your body release ‘feel-good’ hormones called endorphins.
"Try to take up active leisure pursuits that happen outdoors, as studies suggest there’s a positive relationship between exposure to nature and positive mental health," suggests Guess. "If you can be moderately active for at least 150 minutes a week, you’ll improve your physical health too."
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Stay in touch but try not to pester
Today’s technology means it’s never been easier to stay in touch by phone, email, text and video chat. But it's important to find a balance between catching up and keeping track.
"When your child first leaves home, you’ll probably want to stay in touch regularly," says Guess. "But it’s important to give them space to adjust to their new life, so try to avoid smothering them by constantly monitoring their social media or calling them too often."
Guess suggests making a date for the first visit when you drop them off.
"That way, you both have something to look forward to. This is when you can discuss how they’re coping with budgeting, cooking for themselves and if they are enjoying their course."
Give yourself time to adjust
If you are struggling with empty nest syndrome, it's important to give yourself time to get used to your new normal. "It's okay to feel 'out of sorts' for a while, and to go through a grieving process," explains Carmichael.
"You may find it helpful to spend some time thinking proactively about what you want the next few weeks and months to look like. How will you spend your time? Who with? What do you want your relationship with your children to look like now?
"Sharing your feelings with a friend or therapist can also help you to get some perspective and work through what you're feeling in a healthy way, without burdening your kids," she adds.
Additional reporting PA.
