Building self-confidence to get naked: It all started with an open letter to myself

People all over the world suffer from self-confidence issues. A study published last year by Dove called low body confidence a global issue, with nearly 85% of all women saying they opted out of important life activities – such as trying out for a team or club, and engaging with family or loved ones – when they didn’t feel good about the way they looked.

I’ll hold my hand up. I am one of them – or at least I was. You wouldn’t have thought it if you’d have met me because, like so many of us out there, we hide behind the mask we’ve made for ourselves. If we could choose an anthem, it would probably be ‘Tracks Of My Tears’ by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles.

People say I’m the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue

I had enough of not loving myself, dreading ‘bikini season’ and feeling ashamed in front of the mirror or my other half, so I put a plan into action. I started by writing an open letter to myself:

Dear Me,

I noticed something today.

After I stayed up way past midnight last night, giggling to myself and laughing about some of the memories we’ve shared, I noticed that I put myself down quite a lot.

This wasn’t any surprise as I’m used to it. It’s something I’ve done for years, it’s something I do as a defence, as a submission to other peoples thoughts and actions, and through habit.

What I really noticed was I wasn’t just putting myself down, I was putting my boyfriend’s girlfriend down too. Every time I moaned about my big thighs or tummy that wasn’t perfectly flat, I wasn’t just criticising myself – I was also criticising my boyfriend’s choices. I was telling him that his girlfriend wasn’t good enough. That the girl he see’s before him is below par.

It was at this point that I realised something needs to change.

So I got naked. Yep, butt naked.

I stood naked in front of the mirror and I stared at myself. I stared for quite a while. I tried not to think, I just gazed. I looked at my body, my skin, my hair, my features individually and as part of the whole package. I looked at my scars and the dark circles under my eyes – and I smiled.

I’m not that bad! So now I just need a plan to smile at ‘us’ a lot more.

This open letter gave myself a way to face all my negativity head on.

My next step was to find help from a couple of professionals, because years of trying to do it alone didn’t work. My search found one who helps me to understand how to be happy, and the other knows a lot about getting naked. I figured I’ve got one life to love myself and I’m not going to wait to get permission from someone else.

Jo Howarth of The Happiness Club says “In my opinion there are 3 steps to happiness. The first of these is to acknowledge where you are right now, to be honest and say it out loud, to name the emotions that are associated with how you look. We spend our lives turning away from difficult emotions but very often if we acknowledge them, if we turn towards them, then they begin to dissipate immediately.

The second step is acceptance. We suffer when we resist what is. If we don’t like something about ourselves and we shout ‘NO!’ at it then that is where suffering lies, that resistance is what causes the emotional pain. Accepting where you are and how you look right now doesn’t mean that this is how it will always be but it allows you to remove that resistance and thus that pain.

And lastly, the third step is to move forward in the right way. We need to bring in the magic of appreciation. Start by focusing on something you like about your appearance, even if that is only a small thing, and appreciate it. The more you focus on that good bit with appreciation, the better you will feel about yourself generally and the more that appreciation will spread to other areas.

Acknowledge how you truly feel, accept where you are right now and move forward with appreciation. That is where true happiness lies.”

Wise words.

In regards to enjoying being naked I contacted the former editor of British Naturism. Martin ‘The Warrior’ Warrillow is an amazing individual. After suffering a stroke, he had to learn to love himself again. Martin’s history with being naked played a part in accepting who he was and how he looks at himself today.

“Being naked at home and around other like-minded people and looking at yourself naked helps you appreciate that every one of us has a different body size and shape and we are all beautiful in our own way. I have a naturist friend who describes herself in her social-media profile as ‘a 16-stone ginger-haired belly-dancing naturist’ because that’s what she is and she’s proud of it. Which seems to me to be a pretty good way to look at life!”

I couldn’t agree with Jo and Martin more. We (this includes you, reader) owe it to ourselves to be happy. I’ve spent too long being afraid to be happy and hating myself. I’ve be moulded into thinking I was not worth the effort. Truth is, I am – just like you and just like everyone else. If you need permission to start being happy, here it is. Get naked, love YOU, and be happy.

I’ve been working on my self-confidence for a few months now and with the help from people like Jo and Martin, I’m finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The first step to loving you is allowing yourself to do it. Sounds easy, right? It’s not but you’ve got to be willing to let go of the past.

Secondly, you’ve got to be willing to try REALLY hard. We weren’t born with self-confidence issues, we developed them over time and they won’t vanish over night. Start by looking in the mirror every morning and calling yourself ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’. Maybe give yourself a cheeky wink. You’ll be surprised how laughing also helps shut the demons up in your head.

Remember you’re not alone. We all walk our own path but others are going through these things too. Try talking to a friend. Someone you trust. You might go as far as helping them too.

Finally, get naked, love you, and be happy. You’ve only got one life, don’t spend it hiding behind a mask.

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