Brexit Breakup: How To Cope If You And Your Partner Voted Differently
[Photo: andreaangeli_]
They say “always marry your conscience”; in other words seek out a partner that can act as a moral guide and call you out on your sh*t. But what happens when you discover your significant other’s principles fundamentally differ from your own?
Can a relationship work in the long-term when you don’t share the same values?
So you’ve found yourself a boo. Everything’s going great, you’re getting along really well, maybe you’ve grown so close you’re farting in front of each other like it’s nothing. Then June 24th rolls around, the results for the EU referendum are revealed plunging the UK into political turmoil, and the cherry on top? You discover your partner’s voted differently to you.
You’re blindsided, everything you believed about your relationship is thrown into question. How could you have made it this far and not realised? Who is this person? Can you get through this?
Well here’s the thing: While the vote to Stay or Remain was decidedly black and white, the arguments for either side are not. Lumping each camp into ‘xenophobe’ or ‘self-righteous leftie’ is to make sweeping generalizations of us all.
The fact is we’re leaving and there doesn’t seem to be any two ways about it. This country has to find a way to move forward and so does your relationship.
One attitude that’s especially unhelpful is any self-righteous crowing over the results. Further conflict doth not a resolution make. The sensible way forward would be to seek to understand each side of the argument.
Don’t be afraid to question your partner over their vote. It’s perfectly okay to want to ascertain the reasons they had for making their choice.
Question
We’re not advocating attacking your significant other but questioning and healthy debate is the only way to understand someone else’s point of view. Sometimes the simplest question “why”, reveals the most information.
Debate
Challenge each other’s point of view. Hold each other accountable for choices made. Put forward reasonable arguments based on research and facts. Bringing information to the table means each side gains new knowledge which will either qualify your point of view, modify it, change it or lead to more questions. Debate is good. Debate is healthy. Debate is what we should be doing more of. These are historic times!
Remove the emotion
Be kind. Remember you’re seeking to understand the other side of the argument. Be sensitive about the way you approach this, going in with guns blazing may make your partner feel they’re being criticized and could make them defensive. While you may be angry at your partner for the choices they made, anger is a weightless emotion that blocks the road to true understanding. Attack the argument, not the person.
This also applies to decision-making. Casting a vote for reasons such as: not liking the look of someone or something or because it “doesn’t feel right” is a fallacy. If you feel your partner has made choices along these lines, teach them to be more responsible in how they gather information. Be their conscience, their moral guide. Just don’t be a pr*ck about it.
In conclusion…
Partnerships in which core moral values are in opposition to each other are always going to be tricky to navigate but if your partner is a reasonable person they should be up for discussing their views and choices. Not doing so shows a lack of cooperation that doesn’t bode too well for the future.
You don’t have to share the same point of view but a willingness to exchange opinion in a calm non-defensive way is paramount to a healthy relationship.
