Big boobs are back in fashion, because we can apparently change our bodies with the seasons

False alarm, everyone.

When Vogue announced that boobs were no longer in fashion in December, every big-breasted woman in the country proceeded to lock themselves in their closets to preserve the nation’s style reputation and have all been in there since.

But Rihanna has just turned everything on its head by stepping out in public in low-cut red dress, leading The Sun to announce that “big boobs bounce back”, and so cleavage has become ‘cool’ once again.

So small-boobed girls, it’s your turn in The Chokey now, and big-boobed girls’ turn to run free.

We’ll swap places in oh, I don’t know, next February.

Seriously, this is a thing – big boobs have been declared back in fashion in the next step of a never-ending cycle which has benefited no woman ever.

Whatever body type you possess, having it declared ‘fashionable’ or ‘unfashionable’ is hardly ever helpful.

While women with bigger busts will look around the high street despairing at the floaty sack-like blouses available one moment, women with smaller ones will give up on shops altogether after exclusively selling unforgiving body con the next.

Because in a cruel twist of fate, we can’t change the shape and size of our breasts to match the seasons, and feeling good about our bodies is a tough enough battle as it is.

Not to mention those of us that don’t fit within the tight window of an A-D cup and have come to accept that we’ll never be in season – because by ‘big boobs’, the celebrity world really means a C-cup encased in an efficient push-up bra, doesn’t it?

There’s no winning.

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