Can a 'together-apart' relationship really work? Alexandra Burke only sees footballer boyfriend twice a week
Alexandra Burke has revealed that she sees her partner, Darren Randolph, just twice a week after the footballer transferred between Premier League teams in January.
Burke, 35, who has an eight-month-old baby with Randolph, 34, says while the arrangement is “tricky”, she has learned to adapt to their together-apart style of relationship.
“Whether it's about children or your life in general, women just adapt,” the former X-Factor winner told MailOnline.
“My partner just moved away to Bournemouth, so he isn't really here. It makes things really tricky for me, but we make it work.
“He comes home as and when he can, which is roughly maybe twice a week at the most. I don't like him driving too much.”
While Randolph now spends most of his time in Bournemouth, Burke lives two hours away in Hertfordshire.
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“It isn't terrible because it's only two hours away and I love Bournemouth and where he's staying. It would be worse if he was five away hours,” Burke added.
“We make it work and it's not forever and all I care about is supporting his career and standing by him when he makes these decisions.”
So can a semi-long distance relationship ever really work? According to Ammanda Major, a relationship counsellor at Relate, this set-up can cause some relationships to “thrive”.
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“The main point it comes down to is, 'Does this suit both of you?'" she says. "It’s about recognising what your expected needs are and making sure you have a proper conversation about what the impact of seeing each other less frequently might be.”
“You need to discuss how you're going to manage now that you’re changing the rules of the relationship. It's about regularly checking in to make sure that both of you are okay with it and that it’s working for you both.”
However, if your partner suggests seeing less of each other or spending more time apart without a good reason such as work commitments, Major says this could be a red flag.
“This means you could be in a relationship that could benefit from some counselling,” she adds.
While some people may kick off their relationship in a long-distance or semi-long distance arrangement, Major says if you are transitioning to this kind of scenario when you’ve been in a long-term, live-together relationship for years then the most effective way to navigate it is by really good communication.
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“Keep in contact,” she advises. “Do what you said you were going to do. So if you're both working in different parts of the world or different parts of the country, if you say you're going to see, call, or meet online or through social media at a certain time, then make sure you do it.
“If that’s not possible then make sure you let your partner know what the reason is and suggest a different time to connect with them. It's important to stick to the rules that you've both previously agreed.”
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