7 terrible DIY contraception ‘hacks’ (do NOT try at home)
[Photo: Flickr]
Let’s not beat around the proverbial bush: there are no birth control ‘hacks’. There is no substitute for the real thing approved by medical professionals.
Contraception isn’t something new, humankind has been trying to control birth for centuries. Thankfully the medieval days of toxic brews and animal guts sheaths are over.
All clued up individuals know bagging up is the most sensible thing to do if you want to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Disturbingly though, there are reported instances of folk using some seriously gruesome DIY contraceptive methods. While it’s great these people are into preventative measures, clingfilm doth not an adequate sheath make.
Someone once told me “everything you could ever possibly imagine already exists.” This stuff really goes way beyond. Sheesh.
1. Plastic bag
Unexpected item in bagging area. Er, yeah. A young Vietnamese couple made the headlines earlier this year after sustaining horrific injuries from using a plastic bag in place of a condom. Apparently the guy was ‘too shy’ to buy condoms. Just as well he made international news then.
No. [Photo: Pixabay/cocoparisienne]
2. A potato
On the insane advice of her mother, a 22-year-old Colombian woman inserted a potato into her vagina as a form of contraception. Two weeks later it grew roots, causing her intense abdominal pain. According to Columbia Reports the unnamed patient said: “My mom told me that if I didn’t want to get pregnant, I should put a potato up there, and I believed her.” Well, that’s certainly a new spin on family planning.
[Photo: Robyn/Flickr]
3. Cling film and crisp packets
In 2004 the BBC reported that cash strapped teenagers were resorting to crisp packets and cling film in place of condoms. Chairman of the British Association for Sexual Health Peter Greenhouse said: "These young people are so poverty stricken they cannot even afford the bus fare to get into town, so how can they afford condoms?” The Family Planning Association appealed to the government to make free condoms available in all doctors surgeries across the UK. We’re guessing crisp packets are still in use then.
[Photo: Nelson Lee/Flickr]
4. Latex gloves
A survey of 15,000 British women aged 25-34 found a quarter had heard of alternative methods of contraception being used including cling film, latex gloves and plastic bags. Basically these ladies knew someone who’d tried this stuff out. A quick online search reveals plenty of other people genuinely toying with the idea of using a latex glove instead of a condom with enquiries made on Yahoo Answers and Reddit to name a few. Answers ranged from humorous: “For the sake of future of all of humanity, use condoms you moron.” To the more down to earth: “If your boyfriend isn’t old enough or confident enough to buy condoms, then you guys are way too young for sex.”
Say what? [Photo: SuMeR B/Flickr]
5. Douching with fizzy drinks
Back in the day urban legend had it that douching with fizzy drinks after sex could kill sperm. It doesn’t. Never mind the potential yeast infections. Wonder how many ‘Coca Cola’ babies there are walking this earth?
[Photo: unspalsh]
6. Chocolate bar wrappers
According to the History of Contraception Museum in Cleveland, Ohio, a 12-year-old Australian boy circa 1990 reportedly used a Cadbury’s Violet Crumble wrapper in place of a condom. Two things: twelve years old and what the heck?
[Photo: Quirky Travel Guy]
7. A sandwich bag
Intended to be used either as some sort of diaphragm inside the vagina or just a straight up condom. Both sound horrific. Googling ‘zip lock bag as condom’ yields some incredibly depressing results. Annihilate the term ‘bag it up’ immediately.
[Photo: Tumblr]
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