6 ways parents can beat stress in the half term holidays
The half term school holidays are approaching, which means a well-earned rest for children and a juggle for mums, dads and carers as they combine work with parenting.
I love spending time with my kids on the school break yet, as all parents know, there are inevitable moments of stress. So how should we best deal with these tense situations – is a mummy time out in order?
Mum-of-three Mari-Carmen Sanchez-Morris, who is a former paediatric intensive care nurse turned pre and post-natal health expert and founder of the FIT MAMA app, along with her fellow FIT MAMA experts have some helpful tips. Here, they share their expert advice to help you survive the half-term stress…
Make a plan with your children
Before the school holidays begin, have your children brainstorm some activity ideas that you can do together as a family. This could be anything from playing a board game, to a day out bowling.
Involving your children in making plans for the school holiday not only helps them feel involved in decisions but it gives them something to look forward to. Then build these into an adult-determined routine by establishing some non-negotiables, and working the ‘fun’ activities around this.
Mari-Carmen explains further: "Set regular nightly and morning routines as this will help ensure children are getting the right amount of sleep. Not only is adequate sleep important for children’s growth, cognitive function and immune system but it is also vital for their emotional stability. We all know how bad the sleep-deprived induced tantrums can get!
"However, it’s important not to over plan the days. Ensure you are scheduling in time for your children to be bored. It’s easy for parents to feel guilty when their children aren’t busy but having unstructured time where they can explore their interests and enjoy free play will help them to develop resilience and patience, which is essential for their cognitive and emotional growth."
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Practice mindfulness exercises
Mindfulness exercises can really help to quiet an angst-primed brain, giving you a chance to reset on even the most hectic or fraught of days.
One that Mari-Carmen suggests is a ‘body scan meditation’ where you mentally track the sensations or feelings in each part of your body one-by-one from head to toe, noticing the feelings in each and then letting them go.
It might take a little practice, but the overall aim of this practice is to notice feelings and watch them move by, without trying to change anything.
Mari-Carmen says: "This exercise is designed to help you feel connected back to yourself – something that can feel impossible when you’re juggling the demands of little ones who are pulling you in several directions at once.
"While it might be hard at first to focus your thoughts on how you’re feeling - rather than being preoccupied with how those around you feel, or having your mind wander to thoughts like ‘what shall I cook for dinner?’ – focusing your attention on the sensations in different parts of your body, even for just a few minutes, will help you to reconnect and relax."
Explaining how to do this, Mari-Carmen suggests starting by bringing your attention to your toes, noticing any sensations you might be feeling, whether that be warmth, tingling, tension or tightness. Gradually move your focus through each part of the body until you reach the top of your head, pausing (for around 30 seconds to a minute) to observe the feelings.
It’s important to focus on your breathing throughout the practice; as you move throughout your body, imagine releasing one body part as you breathe out and moving on to the next as you breathe in. Once you have scanned all areas, spend a few moments acknowledging your body as a whole – imagine this as a liquid spreading to fill a mould.
Taking a moment to recognise feelings and sensations throughout the body, brings you back to the present moment and primes you to be able to tackle those tricky days during the school holidays.
Stay active
It’s easy for our exercise routines to slip when the children are off school, but maintaining routines during the holidays are vital for staying connected to ourselves. Mari-Carmen suggests making small adjustments to ensure you are still moving your body and hitting your step-count.
She says: "Take advantage of not having to rush from one place to the next and walk instead of driving. I often walk to the supermarket with the children. Not only is this great for the whole family’s physical and mental health, but it also means I don’t end up buying lots of things I don’t need because you’ve got to carry it all home!
"It’s also a great time to get the children involved in exercise. Try suggesting activities that incorporate exercise, whether that’s walking to the park or going swimming; this will not only benefit your mental health but will keep your children entertained too."
Digital detox
In the digital age, where we spend an average of three hours each day looking at social media, we are constantly bombarded with pictures of the perfect family.
With posts showing family days out with well-behaved, immaculately dressed, angelic-looking children, comparison can feel unavoidable. This can put unnecessary stress on parents and make them feel like they’re not doing enough.
Suzy Reading, Chartered Psychologist and FIT MAMA in-app expert explains that, when scrolling on social media, it’s important to remember that you are watching the highlights, the carefully curated successes and not the outtakes.
She advises: "Let your mantra be, ‘reel life is not real life’. It is important to not compare – appearances can be deceiving, and you have no idea what lies beneath the put-together face, the outfit or smiles. Keep it simple and when your head is turned to what others are doing, bring your focus back to what you and your family enjoy, and take breaks from things you find triggering.
"If this is something you are battling with, a digital detox might be the solution. The school holidays are a perfect time to ditch the tech, de-stress and reconnect as a whole family. Not only will this make you feel less stressed – as studies have found that heavy reliance on tech makes things seem more hectic than they actually are – but it will set an example to your children.
"I like to set screen time limits for my children. Many parents might think getting children to hand over their iPad is asking for a tantrum, so try making a screen-free activity jar; a collection of no-screen activity ideas for when the children are stuck for things to do."
Develop a new hobby
As a parent, it’s natural to prioritise our children; but this is often at the expense of our own needs. Mari-Carmen suggests that one way to make sure you aren’t neglecting yourself is to start a new hobby.
She comments: "Trying your hand at a new skill is a brilliant way to carve out time for yourself. This could be as small as painting, to bigger activities such as joining a running club. The key is to choose something meaningful and enjoyable. Whilst finding time amidst the whirlwind of cooking, entertaining and working may seem tricky, setting aside time each day for some ‘you’ time is a non-negotiable act of not just self-love, but self-preservation.
"Hobbies are the perfect opportunity to take a break from the fast pace of life, and work wonders for your mental health, lowering cortisol levels and reducing stress. We all know you can’t pour from an empty cup, and it’s impossible to provide the best care for our children if we are physically, mentally and emotionally drained."
Practical Grounding Techniques
Juggling family days out, work, and maintaining a household – particularly when there are more people in it than usual – can feel impossible to combat, so the accompanying feelings of stress can only make it harder.
Resetting in these moments is an essential practice though: if we don’t ground ourselves, it only makes small matters feel larger. For moments of overwhelm, Silvia Freeman, wellbeing coach, EFT Practitioner and in-app expert at FIT MAMA, recommends EFT Tapping.
This technique involves stimulating specific meridian points on the body through touch; something Silvia suggests is a powerful and effective modality to regulate emotions and bring the body back to its natural, balanced state.
She explains: "Through lowering the cortisol and adrenaline that our brain produces when we are in fight or flight mode, this is a great technique to use when you’re at high levels of stress, anxiety or worry."
To perform EFT Tapping:
Identify the emotion - notice something that is bothering you. It might be a feeling in your body such as fear, panic, guilt, anxiety, anger, etc...
Give the emotion a number. Now rate the intensity on a scale of 0-10 (where 10 is the worst). How intense is this stress in your body right now?
Take three deep breaths in and out.
Then start with the tapping:
1) Tap the side of the hand
Tap seven times on the side of your hand while saying each of these phrases:
Even though I feel so much anxiety, about everything that is going on, I choose to relax and feel safe
Even though this situation feels stressful I choose to relax and feel safe
Even though I’m holding so much stress in my body, I accept myself
2) Tap the corner of the eyebrows
Tap seven times on the corner of the eyebrows while saying each of these phrases:
I feel this anxiety, this stress in my stomach, my chest, my shoulders and it’s uncomfortable, but I choose to acknowledge myself for what I’m feeling.
I choose to relax and calm myself down
I am safe even though I’m having anxious thoughts.
3) Tap on the collarbone
Tap seven times on the collarbone while saying each of these phrases:
It is safe for me to breathe deeply now, I accept myself
I acknowledge all my stress and anxiety, and I choose to relax
I choose to feel safe and calm right now
4) Tap on the side of the hand again
Tap seven times on the side of your hand while saying each of these phrases:
I am good enough and I am safe
I am doing the best I can every day
I can breathe easier now
I choose to have a good day
At the end of this practice, check with yourself if the emotion still feels intense. The number should be much lower, and you should feel much calmer and more balanced.
To find out more information, and to download the Fit Mama app yourself, visit www.maricarmenfitness.com.
