"Good For Her": People Are Sharing The Things The Women In Their Life Got To Do For The First Time After Toxic Men Were Gone
This week, Donald Trump — who was found liable for sexual abuse in a civil case, was publicly accused of sexual misconduct by 27 women, and famously made lewd remarks against women — was elected President of the United States.
On social media, Trump's victory quickly ripped the masks off to the violent misogynistic truths some of his supporters hold. In a profoundly unsettling take, white supremacist Nicholas Fuentes wrote, "Your body, my choice. Forever," which garnered over 35 million views and 33k likes on the platform.
The masks are fully off now pic.twitter.com/ZlAkFr9FO5
— Sam G (@ItsSamG) November 6, 2024
He followed up, writing, "I'd just like to take the opportunity to thank men for saving this country from stupid bitches who wanted to destroy the world to keep abortion," which was liked by over 44k accounts.
While some conservatives revel in the idea of upholding a patriarchal society that controls women's bodies, voting power, and relationships, women aren't going down without a fight. In the wake of Trump's victory, there's been a spike in interest in South Korea's 4B movement — a movement that encourages women to protest rampant misogyny, gender-based violence, and discrimination by abstaining from heterosexual marriage, childbirth, dating, and sex.
If you want to know where young American women are at, the Google search term interest for the 4b movement says it all. (It’s a South Korean term for women who swear off sex, marriage and childbirth with men) pic.twitter.com/qKZCiHIqrX
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) November 6, 2024
The idea is that by abstaining, women liberate themselves from sexual, social, bodily, and psychological oppression. "Women are refusing [to have kids] unless they are awarded the exact same rights and respect that men are rewarded in their society," TikTok creator Drew Afualo said in a video explaining the 4B movement.
There's been more conversation about women taking their power back with their votes this election. Earlier this month, an 81-year-old went viral for voting for the first time after her late husband didn't want her to her whole life, which prompted many people to share the freedoms women in their lives also started enjoying after getting out of controlling situations with men.
I shared some of these stories here, but the comments were filled with even more powerful stories. With women’s autonomy increasingly at risk under a Trump presidency, I thought I’d gather more of these stories of women reclaiming their power back, for anyone who could use it today:
1."I had always hated my teeth. My mom was single and very young when she got pregnant with me in 1970, and we never had money for dental care. I went to the dentist once in my life before I got a job with dental insurance. Once my ex-husband and I achieved some financial stability, I asked if I could get braces. He said it would be ridiculous to spend all that money on teeth for someone in their 50s. So, as soon as our divorce was final, I took $5,000 of my settlement money and got Invisalign. My teeth look AMAZING — and he paid for it after all!"
2."When I divorced, I took back my birth name, got some tattoos (more to come), cut my hair really short, and colored it many colors. He can no longer tell me how to vote, what to wear, and who to be friends with. Lots of trauma to work through. I became disabled during the marriage, and he was horrible. Took back my power."
—Anonymous
3."My sister had talked for years about wanting to get a tattoo. But my brother-in-law had a weird and honestly kind of sexist hang-up about how he didn't want to be 'the kind of guy whose wife had tattoos.' She opted not to pick that battle with him, perhaps knowing that she would likely outlive him due to a degenerative disease that he had. But within a year of his death, she had not one, but TWO tattoos."
4."My wealthy grandfather never allowed my grandmother to wear pants, she never had a say in how their money was spent, and she was kept to a strict and tight household allowance during their entire marriage. She never had money of her own and never knew how much money they had. When my grandfather died, she bought numerous pantsuits, took her friends out to lunches and dinners, and became a generous donor to her church and other local charities. 😊"
—Anonymous
5."My aunt is thriving as a widow; it's lovely to watch. She's so vibrant and sarcastic and witty. I never knew this version of her existed when my surly controlling uncle was alive."
6."My grandparents married as teenagers after my grandmother got pregnant; she had been married for most of her life when she found out he was cheating. They divorced, and now they've been divorced nearly as long as they were married. My grandfather simply replaced his wife with a younger model, even going so far as to live in a house near their old one and act like nothing is weird about it (it's so weird)."
"My grandmother has spent the last two decades traveling the world and basically doing whatever the f--- she wants. I am so happy and proud of her. She was a stay-at-home mom who went to college after her kids left home and now spends her retirement unbound by any responsibility. Good for her, I say."
7."Sounds bizarre, but my mom (born in 1962 and raised by an extremely controlling abuser) wasn't allowed to eat peanut butter growing up in any capacity. No allergy or anything, and from the way she explained it, it was like maybe it was just this weird thing he could keep control of? Point is, she got away from that part of the family and fucking loved peanut butter and Reese's til the day she passed."
8."My gramma started wearing pants again after 41 years of only wearing dresses."
9."My grandfather often drank to excess, was verbally and physically abusive daily to my grandmother and his children, and had two illegitimate children while married to my grandmother. When she became a widow about 15 years into their marriage, she was finally able to raise her three children with no fear of their father, in peace, with good values, and enjoy being with family and friends. She lived to be 89."
—Anonymous
10."My mom was trapped in an unhappy marriage in a country that she was never comfortable in. My dad never bothered to help her find ESL classes. When he died, she moved back to her home country."
11."My grandma became a widow very young, at 44 years old, and she never wanted anything to do with any other man until she died at 87. She never told me bad things about my grandfather, but as I've grown older, I've found out she suffered a lot in her marriage. The good thing is she never let a man tell her what to do ever again :)."
12."My grandmother bought a microwave, coffee maker, and several other household goods that made her life easier. Grandpa was against anything that sat on a counter."
13."The first time my grandmother voted after getting married, my grandfather berated her for voting for Eisenhower for president. At that time, she was 30 years old. Fast forward to 2016. My grandfather passed away in 2005, and she still hadn't voted. At the age of 93, my Grandma voted in the last presidential election in her lifetime. She was so proud, and so was I."
14."My grandpa died in 1998. My grandma and I lived in the same voting district, and I took her to vote. She came out of the booth with a huge smile on her face. I asked her why she was smiling, and she shouted, 'I just voted Democrat, and I don't care who knows it!' Apparently, she had been voting Blue for decades but had to keep it hidden because my grandpa would be angry if she didn't vote Republican."
"My grandpa was lazy and didn't want to work. He gambled and drank all of his pay. My grandma was the breadwinner; she made sure the house was paid for and paid all of the bills. Yet, she couldn't vote freely for fear of angering my grandpa."
—Anonymous
15."I was never married to him, but my first long-term boyfriend was manipulative and controlling. He isolated me from all of my friends; he preferred my hair long, he always rushed me so I didn't have enough time for makeup, and he hated tattoos. We broke up a few months before I turned 21. Guess who made a bunch of new friends, got 14 inches of hair chopped off, and got two tattoos within a year of our breakup?"
16."When my great grandfather passed away, my great granny bought a brand-name vanilla ice cream and a new white cardigan, both things he denied her. When my marriage ended, I ate Indian food whenever I wanted, as my ex-husband hated it."
—Anonymous
17."After 40 years of marriage, my grandpa died. My grandma was 67 at the time. She got a boob job, a bikini, a cellphone, a tanning membership, and access to the internet. This was absolutely shocking in comparison to the buttoned-up, modest Christian lady she had always been. I was so happy that she got to experience more of life while she was still alive 🖤."
18."I got divorced three years ago. In my marriage, I wasn't trusted to do the dishes or do anyone's laundry besides my own. The one time I did the dishes, my ex freaked out and had to rewash every single cup, dish, pot, and pan in the kitchen because who knows what I touched, and I was obviously too incompetent to be trusted. I tried to tell myself that I was lucky not to have to do dishes, but I very much enjoy being able to do dishes and so many things that I was told I was incapable of doing."
19."After I divorced my husband of 28 years, I got a Costco card, got to park my car in the garage, and felt like a bird let out of her cage."
—Anonymous
20."My grandma loves cheese pizza but was never allowed to have more than one small slice. When my grandpa died, she got two whole pizzas."
—Anonymous
21."My grandmother allowed my father into her home after my grandfather died. My grandfather didn't support my parents' marriage because my father comes from a different ethnic and religious background. Once he passed, my father was welcome in, and my grandmother doted on him happily."
—Anonymous
22."My father always needed to be the decision maker (but wasn't very good at it). He screwed up his entrepreneurial activities, and one cost us big time. We had to sell our house to pay it off, but they had to divorce and put it in her name before they could sell. My mother told my dad to leave and go stay with Grandma for a while so she could clear her head and decide the next steps."
"She originally intended to let him come back because of her Catholic upbringing and society norms told her she should. But after a few months of freedom, she decided to screw that s**t and told him to stay with Grandma. She felt such exhilaration! She joined a dance group (Dad didn't dance, so....). Initially, she lived in apartments, then saved up and bought HER first house all by herself and in her own name. Then she felt truly free and lived another free 30 years."
—Anonymous
23."My grandmother had been sneaking money in an envelope in her make-up drawer for many years. When my grandfather died, she bought herself an entire set of new dishes mail-ordered from Sears. She was not materialistic, but I recall they were one of her proudest possessions when I was growing up. We used them every holiday when extended family got together. I didn't know the circumstances until this past year when my aunt showed me the catalog and receipt my grandmother saved after buying them shortly after my grandfather died. He never let her buy something just for herself, and she waited all that time to buy the dishes she wanted."
—Anonymous
24."My aunt was a stay-at-home mom who never went to college or anything like that. Her husband worked, and she raised my cousins. My cousins were quite pampered, but her husband never really acknowledged my aunt as more than his children's mother. She finally filed for divorce, a family scandal though it was. In response, my aunt put herself through business school to become one of the top salespeople for a national medical supply company. She met a lovely man who sees her as his equal."
"I know she doesn't regret her first marriage because her family is her lifeblood in retirement, but I can't imagine how her life would've turned out if she hadn't gotten divorced and set herself free to pursue her own path."
—Anonymous
25."My nana was never allowed to have friends when her husband was alive. After he died, she started going to our local senior center every day to hang out with other seniors, play bingo, go shopping, etc. When she finally passed away, all her friends came to her memorial."
—Anonymous
26."My ex told me he didn't trust my ability to make friends with the right people, so he wrote my resume and applied to the places he thought were appropriate. When I left, I applied everywhere!!! Even things I knew I wasn't qualified for simply because I could and wanted to."
—Anonymous
And lastly:
27."This is pretty uncommon, but every woman in my direct lineage back four generations (to my great-great grandma) divorced or was separated from their first husbands. As was common, they were all married very young and had children shortly after. But they were all headstrong enough to believe they would be better off trying to care for their kids alone than staying with their husbands. Except for my great-great grandma, who died young, they all ended up remarrying someone that they really loved and who respected them. They had stable, strong relationships where they had just as much control as their husbands. I can't emphasize enough how much of an impact that had on me as a little girl."
—Anonymous
That last part really hit home for me — "I can't emphasize enough how much of an impact that had on me as a little girl." In a political climate where some are hoping, even viciously threatening, that women don't have control and choice over what happens with their bodies, I feel it's more important than ever to remember the agency we do have — to say no when you want, to know it's not your fault, to know you are loved, to know you can still be whoever you want to be despite what it may feel like, to know you're strong, to know it's not wrong to want to make your own decisions, to know you can cry, grieve, riot, scream, and fight back.
Because no matter who you are (after all, men, too, can be in controlling relationships), nobody wants to be told, "Your body, my choice." If these women are "stupid bitches" because they fought for their autonomy, well, then I hope everyone strives to be stupid bitch.
