20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Oct. 8-14)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Tonight my husband said, "can I tell you something without tact and you can't get mad at me because I'm so sleep deprived?"
We love a man who communicates.— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 11, 2024
Tonight my husband said, "can I tell you something without tact and you can't get mad at me because I'm so sleep deprived?"
We love a man who communicates.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 11, 2024 ">
We love a man who communicates.
Husband: wow that's cool you drew on your eyebrows you have never done that before
Me: apparently you have never looked at my face— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) October 13, 2024
Husband: wow that's cool you drew on your eyebrows you have never done that before
Me: apparently you have never looked at my face
— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) October 13, 2024 ">
Me: apparently you have never looked at my face
Wife: I love that we finish each other's-
Me: Drinks?
W: What? No. I was gonna say sentences HEY WHERE'S MY
Me: Margarita?— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 12, 2024
Wife: I love that we finish each other's-
Me: Drinks?
W: What? No. I was gonna say sentences HEY WHERE'S MY
Me: Margarita?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 12, 2024 ">
Me: Drinks?
W: What? No. I was gonna say sentences HEY WHERE'S MY
Me: Margarita?
husband: do you know where the thing is
me: could I buy a noun— meghan (@deloisivete) October 14, 2024
husband: do you know where the thing is
me: could I buy a noun
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 14, 2024 ">
me: could I buy a noun
Wife is out of town, so I've got the whole bed to myself. Time to sprawl out like a starfish and enjoy every inch*
*I slept in my usual two-foot sliver— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯🎃Dad Moon Rising🎃🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 13, 2024
Wife is out of town, so I've got the whole bed to myself. Time to sprawl out like a starfish and enjoy every inch*
*I slept in my usual two-foot sliver
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯🎃Dad Moon Rising🎃🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 13, 2024 ">
*I slept in my usual two-foot sliver
I swear to god I’m like one bad day away from my husband coming home to a rescue seal in the bathtub
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) October 10, 2024
I swear to god I’m like one bad day away from my husband coming home to a rescue seal in the bathtub
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) October 10, 2024 ">
A haunted house, but it's a room full of husbands and kids asking "What's for dinner?" over and over.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) October 8, 2024
A haunted house, but it's a room full of husbands and kids asking "What's for dinner?" over and over.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) October 8, 2024 ">
Me: finally got my dream car, now when is my dream man gonna come along?
My husband:— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 10, 2024
Me: finally got my dream car, now when is my dream man gonna come along?
My husband:
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 10, 2024 ">
My husband:
Me: Wow I just sneezed seven times in a row.
Wife [now awake]: NO KIDDING— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 13, 2024
Me: Wow I just sneezed seven times in a row.
Wife [now awake]: NO KIDDING
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 13, 2024 ">
Wife [now awake]: NO KIDDING
My husband gets back from a three week trip tomorrow and I hope he liked his vacation from being the subject of my tweets.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 13, 2024
My husband gets back from a three week trip tomorrow and I hope he liked his vacation from being the subject of my tweets.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 13, 2024 ">
My husband told me I need to keep an eye on my spending. Well, from where I’m standing, I’m doing an excellent job—because I’ve been watching my Amazon cart grow all day!
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 8, 2024
My husband told me I need to keep an eye on my spending. Well, from where I’m standing, I’m doing an excellent job—because I’ve been watching my Amazon cart grow all day!
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 8, 2024 ">
Husband: I don't think I ever cried because of joy until I had a baby.
Me: that's not true. I remember you crying at our wedding.
Husband: . . . . . . . . . .— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 13, 2024
Husband: I don't think I ever cried because of joy until I had a baby.
Me: that's not true. I remember you crying at our wedding.
Husband: . . . . . . . . . .
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 13, 2024 ">
Me: that's not true. I remember you crying at our wedding.
Husband: . . . . . . . . . .
Hey babe, are you my 47th open browser tab, because you are not responding
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 9, 2024
Hey babe, are you my 47th open browser tab, because you are not responding
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 9, 2024 ">
Marked safe from having the gene that causes people to maniacally clean their house when they find out that someone is coming over to visit. I cannot say the same is true for my wife.
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯🎃Dad Moon Rising🎃🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 10, 2024
Marked safe from having the gene that causes people to maniacally clean their house when they find out that someone is coming over to visit. I cannot say the same is true for my wife.
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯🎃Dad Moon Rising🎃🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 10, 2024 ">
You want to be a hero?
Go with your wife to return all the stuff she ordered online from Nordstrom Rack and wait in the long return line while she does more shopping.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 13, 2024
You want to be a hero?
Go with your wife to return all the stuff she ordered online from Nordstrom Rack and wait in the long return line while she does more shopping.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 13, 2024 ">
Go with your wife to return all the stuff she ordered online from Nordstrom Rack and wait in the long return line while she does more shopping.
When my husband is dead asleep, if I start talking to him, he’ll say “mmhm. mmhm.” at the right times as if he’s genuinely listening, and all I have to say is, some of you could do better when you’re awake
— Carissa (@CarissasNewLife) October 10, 2024
When my husband is dead asleep, if I start talking to him, he’ll say “mmhm. mmhm.” at the right times as if he’s genuinely listening, and all I have to say is, some of you could do better when you’re awake
— Carissa (@CarissasNewLife) October 10, 2024 ">
I’m one of those lesbians who loves: 1) women and 2) basketball more than almost anything. So, like, I root for my team (Liberty) hard, but I also just love love love the WNBA. My wife though? “NAPHEESA IS OUR ENEMY FOR THE NEXT WEEK FOCUS UP AND LOCK IN!!!!”
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) October 9, 2024
I’m one of those lesbians who loves: 1) women and 2) basketball more than almost anything. So, like, I root for my team (Liberty) hard, but I also just love love love the WNBA. My wife though? “NAPHEESA IS OUR ENEMY FOR THE NEXT WEEK FOCUS UP AND LOCK IN!!!!”
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) October 9, 2024 ">
I love when my husband comes to the grocery store with me. It turns a quick trip into an epic game of hide-and-seek, and somehow, I’m always “it.”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 10, 2024
I love when my husband comes to the grocery store with me. It turns a quick trip into an epic game of hide-and-seek, and somehow, I’m always “it.”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 10, 2024 ">
WIFE: *on our wedding night* Don't you think today was just perfect?
ME: [remembering how I wanted a Flintstones themed wedding but was told no] I yabba dabba doo not Sharon, tbh.— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) October 10, 2024
WIFE: *on our wedding night* Don't you think today was just perfect?
ME: [remembering how I wanted a Flintstones themed wedding but was told no] I yabba dabba doo not Sharon, tbh.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) October 10, 2024 ">
ME: [remembering how I wanted a Flintstones themed wedding but was told no] I yabba dabba doo not Sharon, tbh.
If you want to hide something from your husband, put it in the toolbox after you’ve given him a Honey Do list.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 11, 2024
