Liverpool to swoop for Marco Asensio?

According to our back-of-a-fag-packet calculations, Liverpool haven’t signed a totally dependable goalkeeper since enticing Ray Clemence from Scunthorpe in 1967. That record is likely to be maintained for a little longer, because Chelsea are going to beat them to the signature of the Roma and Brazil stopper Alisson. Long-time suitors Real Madrid won’t be too happy about that news either.

Liverpool will console themselves by landing midfielder Marco Asensio in a big-money deal. And Manchester United want Toni Kroos! It’s not a good day for Real Madrid, this, is it.

José Mourinhois also trying to lure another central defender to Manchester United. But Milan Skriniar – of Inter, Slovakia and nominative determinism – seemingly won’t be tempted by a £57m bid. Leonardo Bonucci of Milan might act as an alternative, though Manchester City are also interested in the 31-year-old.

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Jack Wilshere is off to miss large chunks of the season for Fenerbahce. Arsenal hope to fill their resulting midfield vacancy with Aleksandr Golovin of CSKA Moscow and Russia, but Chelsea are poised to act as spoilers for that one too.

One Scottish international left-back is already on Merseyside. Andrew Robertson may soon be joined, sort of, by another, Kieran Tierney. The 21-year-old Celtic star is being eyed by Everton. Tottenham and Manchester United may scupper the big get-together, though.

Matt Ritchie will be parlayed into transfer funds by Newcastle. Middlesbrough and Stoke City are interested in the 28-year-old winger, who would be turning dropping to the Championship into an art form.

And there’s no World Cup football today, so that’s Friday basically over already.