Lindsay Lohan's career meltdown: Film-by-film
Too many column inches have been devoted to Lindsay Lohan's personal meltdown over the years, and the actress' latest arrest – reckless driving and providing false information to police, for those of you keeping track – certainly won't stop the red-top gossip. One thing you won't see written about LiLo is the slow, sad disintegration of her once promising career in film. Back in 2004, Lindsay was fresh-faced and funny; flash-forward to 2013, and Lohan is box-office poison. How did this happen? We chart the gradual decline in Lindsay Lohan's film career, movie by movie, in an attempt to discover when the rot set in.
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Mean Girls (2004)
The movie: Acerbic high school comedy, written by 30 Rock scribe Tina Fey.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 83%
The Lohan factor: Lohan was known for being a wholesome child star in the likes of Disney's family comedy 'The Parent Trap', but 'Mean Girls' proved she had real star quality as an adult performer. As Cady, the new girl in school who was corrupted by bitchy clique The Plastics, Lohan showed wit and enthusiasm, overshadowing even the likes of Rachel McAdams and Amanda Seyfried in supporting roles. Still... who's laughing now?
Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)
The movie: Walt Disney's final attempt to jump start the Herbie franchise.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 42%
The Lohan factor: By now a mature young woman, Disney knew they had a firecracker on their hands, even going so far as digitally reducing Lindsay's bust-size in certain shots. Off-screen, Lohan's wild side was beginning to show, but a bit of energy wouldn't have gone amiss on screen: 'Fully Loaded' was pretty mind-numbing stuff for the over-11s. Still, as far as Lohan's contribution goes, it was solid fare – bright, cheerful and sparky.
A Prairie Home Companion (2006)
The movie: Robert Altman's final film; an ensemble piece about the last performance of a popular public radio show.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 81%
The Lohan factor: Lindsay only snagged a small role as suicidal singer Yolanda, but arriving on set must have been a dream come true. Not only was Lohan playing Meryl Streep's daughter on screen – which we can confidently say will never happen again – but the young actress shared the spotlight with the likes of Tommy Lee Jones and Woody Harrelson too. The film itself was somewhat overshadowed when Altman died in November 2006, but Lohan made an impression, proving she still had the singing voice that made her a teenage pop star.
Bobby (2006)
The movie: Emilio Estevez's ensemble drama set on the night Senator Robert Kennedy was assassinated.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 46%
The Lohan factor: One name among 18 on the movie's poster, no one went to see 'Bobby' for Lohan's performance given that Anthony Hopkins, Helen Hunt and William H Macy were also among the assembled talent. However, Lindsay did manage to turn some heads in her small role opposite Sharon Stone and screen lover Elijah Wood. As part of the ensemble cast, Lohan was nominated for a Screen Actor's Guild award, but if we're being honest, our Linds wasn't doing much of the heavy lifting.
Just My Luck (2006)
The movie: Screwball teen comedy, in which a lucky girl trades her good fortune with an unlucky band promoter following a cursed kiss.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 13%
The Lohan factor: As a kid, Lohan could churn out this sort of high concept comedy in her sleep – hell, she even played twins in 'The Parent Trap'. As an adult, however, Lohan looks disinterested, perhaps distracted at 'Just My Luck's baffling attempts to sell UK boy band McFly to the States. Co-lead Chris Pine ended up the lucky one later on in his career with ‘Star Trek’ in the stars, but Lohan must have felt cursed: critics slated her performance and called the movie “uneven”, “bland” and “drab”. But worse was yet to come...
Chapter 27 (2007)
The movie: Destined to be remembered as 'The John Lennon movie with fat Jared Leto'.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 18%
The Lohan factor: Another small role, Lohan's contribution to this biopic of John Lennon's assassin Mark David Chapman was dwarfed by Jared Leto, figuratively and literally. Leto gained 67 lbs by drinking pints of microwaved ice cream and soy sauce to play the role of John Lennon's obese killer, while Lohan made significantly less of an impression as conveniently-named Beatles groupie Jude. Inevitably, Leto received all the media attention – both positive and negative – perhaps leaving Lindsay wondering how much melted ice-cream she'd have to eat in order to get a good review.
Georgia Rule (2007)
The movie: Ill-advised family comedy, starring Lohan, Felicity Huffman and Jane Fonda as three generations of damaged women.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 17%
The Lohan factor: Does a Teen Choice Award nomination count for nothing any more? That was just about the only positive Lohan could have taken from 'Georgia Rule': the comedy was slammed by reviewers – one labelled it “a sitcom about sexual abuse” – and it was voted among the worst movies of the year. Worse, Lohan's off-screen antics were beginning to affect her work. Following her hospitalisation for 'exhaustion', studio executive James G Robinson made public a letter to Lohan, in which he claimed: “We are well aware that your ongoing all night heavy partying is the real reason for your so-called 'exhaustion'.” The word around Hollywood was that the actress was now uninsurable.
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
The movie: Psychological horror about a serial killer that featured more unintentional laughs than it did scares.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 9%
The Lohan factor: The 'black swan' of 'The Parent Trap', this trashy thriller saw Lohan play twins once more, except this time, one of them was a stripper. A cast-iron flop, 'I Know Who Killed Me' made history; it 'won' eight Razzies, including Worst Picture, while Lindsay Lohan was named Worst Actress twice for her dual roles. A bottom-of-the-barrel script didn't help matters (“Do I look like I'm in a f***ing coma?” screamed Lohan) but this was the nadir of Lindsay's film career as a leading actress; an abomination that would prove impossible to bounce back from.
Labor Pains (2009, TV)
The movie: Laugh-free comedy about a woman who invents a fake baby to get ahead in business.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: N/A
The Lohan factor: By now, Lohan's personal life had spun out of control: barely a day went by without her involvement in another drink and drugs scandal. After serving time in jail for cocaine use – 84 minutes, to be precise – Lindsay was just grateful for work, hence her appearance in this utterly unremarkable comedy that ended up going straight to DVD. Lohan's character pretended to be pregnant to avoid getting fired from her job, but the role drew unwelcome parallels with her personal life; many thought Lindsay was pretending to be sober to stay in employment.
Machete (2010)
The movie: Purposely trashy retro throwback, starring Danny Trejo as the deadliest blade in all of Mexico.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 72%
The Lohan factor: Unable to find work as a legitimate actress, Lohan's only currency in 2010 was camp value. Though technically she was on the same bill as Robert De Niro and Jessica Alba, Lohan's tiny cameo role – as a drugged, naked girl who later dons a nun's habit – was nothing to write home about. Appearing nude (with only her long hair covering her breasts) seemed like desperation on Lohan's part; a plea to remain in the spotlight for a short while longer. It worked – screen-caps of Lohan in a state of undress promptly flooded the internet.
Liz & Dick (2012, TV)
The movie: Made-for-TV biopic, starring Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor. Seriously.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: N/A
The Lohan factor: Considered by many to be Lohan's last chance at a serious acting gig, 'Liz & Dick' was inevitably ridiculed by critics, who couldn't help but comment on the chasm in talent between the character of Liz Taylor, an icon of cinema, and the actress playing her. Woefully under-qualified to embody such a larger-than-life legend, Lohan's take on Liz Taylor basically consisted of her sighing theatrically, swigging from bottles and throwing glasses at walls while wearing a series of fetching hats. Fittingly, Lohan's film career appeared to have finally shattered just like one of Taylor's crystal tumblers.
The Canyons (2013)
The movie: Kickstarter-funded noir thriller, penned by 'American Psycho' author Bret Easton Ellis and directed by 'Taxi Driver' writer Paul Schrader.
Rotten Tomatoes rating: N/A
The Lohan factor: A true independent movie, Lohan's latest movie was funded partially by fans but boasts – on paper, at least – a genuinely exciting writer/director team. However, despite protestations to the contrary, Hurricane Lohan disrupting filming once again; a New York Times on-set report alleged that Lindsay was fired mid-shoot, begged for her job back while crying for 90 minutes in a hotel corridor, drank heavily before filming her sex scene and partied with Lady Gaga the night before being signed off sick. The movie struggled to find distribution and was refused entry to Sundance, with Ellis calling his own movie “langorous... it seems like it's three hours long.” There's always 'Scary Movie 5'...