‘I don’t want to raise by fear’: Eva Mendes on breaking generational yelling
Eva Mendes is known for her roles on screen, but behind the scenes, she’s navigating the challenges of motherhood, just like many of us. As a mom to two daughters, Esmeralda Amada (10) and Amada Lee (8), whom she shares with longtime partner Ryan Gosling, Mendes recently opened up about a personal parenting struggle that many can relate to: yelling.
In a candid conversation on the Parenting & You podcast with Dr. Shefali, the actress and author, 50, shared how hard it’s been for her to break the habit of raising her voice, despite her best efforts to create a calm home. “I think one of the hardest patterns for me is yelling,” she admitted. “In my mind, it’s not like a mean yell. But it doesn’t matter, I yell… The rushing and the yelling for me.”
Sound familiar? Mendes’ story hits close to home for so many moms who feel the pressure of keeping up with the pace of family life. Between the chaos of getting everyone out the door and juggling a million other tasks, it’s easy to find ourselves raising our voices more than we care to admit.
What makes Mendes’ reflection even more relatable is the way she connects it to her own upbringing. “My mother was definitely, again, so loving and so amazing, but it was definitely like raising us by fear,” she shared. “I hope I’m not going to look back in 20 years and go, ‘Oh, shoot. I did that.’ Because I really don’t want to raise by fear.”
That vulnerability resonates with so many of us who are trying to break the parenting patterns we were raised with. Mendes’ concern—that her own habits might unknowingly put pressure on her daughters—is something countless moms can relate to. “I hope that I’m not unknowingly putting some kind of pressure on [my daughters] through fear like I was raised… through threats and fears.”
It’s not easy to shift old patterns, but Mendes’ raw honesty about her struggles is a reminder that none of us are alone in this journey.
During a recent appearance on The Drew Barrymore Show, Mendes also shared how motherhood has transformed her identity, sometimes leaving her feeling lost, and other times clearer than ever. If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing yourself while raising your kids, you’re in good company.
As Eva Mendes reminds us, breaking generational habits takes time and patience—but it’s one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and our children.
