Why JLo really should stay single for a while (by someone who also loves love)
If you scrutinise Jennifer Lopez's relationship history - and a lot of people are right now - there is a pattern.
She embarks on a passionate romantic relationship that results in a can-be-seen-from-space engagement ring, followed by a glitzy wedding and then a divorce.
JLo is then single for a very brief period of time before starting the whole process all over again.
U.S. TV personality Dr. Drew has recently claimed she is addicted to love and I understand this.
I too am happiest in a relationship. Between 15 and 45 I was single for six months max. After my divorce, I had to take a good long look at myself and my behaviours. I wanted to make sure I didn't repeat the mistakes of my past and was better equipped to make a success of future relationships.
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After therapy, reading and soul searching, I figured out part of the reason my breakup hit me so hard was I was fearful of being alone. I was petrified of being single. It was primal.
A study in Psychology Today reported that people who fear being single are affected more negatively by breakups. They are more likely to obsess over an ex, suffer from low self-esteem and take longer to recover.
The reverse was true for those who were happy to be single. They moved on swiftly and it didn't decimate their confidence.
All my life when people told me they were happy being single I categorically didn't believe them. I thought it was a line they just trotted out. Why couldn't I believe that being unpartnered could be a desirable and content state?
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I think a mix of society hard selling the romantic dream and also my single parent childhood meant I craved a solid family unit. But then through the aforesaid introspective work, something shifted. Rather than seeing being single as a (joyless) waiting room till you met someone, I came to think about it more as an alternative, but no less valid way to live.
Even if your ultimate desire is to meet someone (and don't get me wrong, I love being in a relationship), it makes sense that being comfortable on your own is likely to mean you make good partner choices going forward.
You are not desperate, so you are likely to make a considered decision and have healthy boundaries.
I have a brilliant friend who is smart, very successful and funny. She hates being single so much that she often goes for any guy that shows an interest.
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When I last saw her, I said, "You wouldn't walk into a shop and choose the first dress you see, why would you commit to the first man that asked?" She shook her head and acknowledged that it's not in her best interests but said she can't stop herself.
JLo, I hope you can fight the urge to dive straight into another relationship and stay single for a while. I promise it will be beneficial. We are rooting for you!
