"My Sister Watches Fox News All Night": People Are Sharing How They're Coping With Political Differences In Their Families
Note: This post contains mentions of sexual assault.
Disagreements over politics can be really tense — especially when it comes to family. Now that former president Donald Trump will soon be in office again, we asked members of the BuzzFeed Community who have very different views than their families to share how the news is affecting their relationships, and their responses were heartbreaking. Here's what they had to say:
1."I live with my sister who watches Fox News all night. I had to lie and tell her I voted for Trump because she got so mad and started yelling very loudly. Will just try to make sure politics is not brought up at Thanksgiving."
—Linda, 60
2."I'm doing just fine. I've realized this election that people can have an opinion that differs from mine, and we can still co-exist harmoniously. Do I wish it were different? Sure. Do I keep working on them to see things right? Yes. Do I let it keep me up at night and stress me out? No. Life is just too short to worry about 'plans' that likely will never pass Congress' desks."
3."I’m a gay dad with four adopted children, and if anyone tries to take that from me, gloves are off. At this point, I only tell them, 'I forgive you,' and if they choose to follow up, I am giving them the business. I know my worth, and if my family does not see that, I am choosing to make that as uncomfortable as I can for my family at this moment. They say rise above, but absolutely not. You want to be ignorant? Get ready to be educated. You think I’m a snowflake? Get ready to realize how fragile you are, babe."
"I am not here to fight, but I will not back down. I’m willing to hurt feelings and make you feel uncomfortable. If the silence feels awkward to you, GOOD. You don’t get the satisfaction of defending your vote. You align with Nazis and the KKK, and you’re going to know it because I am willing to make you know that. Period."
—Shawn, 31
4."I haven’t cut off speaking to my parents after the election, but I’m considering it. I am a woman living in Texas, and in my 20s, I was raped and needed medical care. My mom was the first person I called and she knew everything I went through. She thinks I am overly concerned with Trump winning the election because it’s 'not likely' that I will be raped and need medical care again and that it 'wasn’t proven' that he actually sexually assaulted or raped anyone."
"My parents voted for Trump because they think the economy will be better. I don’t know how to handle that my parents decided the potential economy was more important than my health and safety. It also feels like a slap in the face that they didn’t believe the women who came forward against Trump. I just don’t feel safe sharing my life with them anymore."
—Brynn, 34
5."It’s awful. I’m a married lesbian with a son who is biologically my wife’s and with some frozen embryos. I live in New York and my family lives in Florida and are Trump supporters. I’m now in contact with an attorney to secure my rights over my son and figure out how to handle our embryos. My family doesn’t understand and thinks I’m being 'paranoid' because Trump is 'pro-IVF and not religious, so he won’t overturn gay marriage.' They’re delusional. We haven’t spoken much about it because I don’t want it to hurt our relationship. It sucks."
—Daniella, 38
6."We can't really talk about politics. I can't tell them who I voted for even though I know who they voted for, as they are proud of it. I can't even really talk about it with friends. It's really isolating, and I have to turn to a lot of online communities to connect with people."
—Kay, 34
7."My parents voted Trump, and I voted blue. I cried a lot when I found out the results, and my parents were so confused as to why. In their own words, 'Why are you sad that the best president is back? We should be celebrating!' I’m trans, and both of them know it. Yikes."
—Dylan, 28
8."I've found myself questioning how much my family truly cares when their gun rights and wallets are more important than my human rights. I feel as though I've lost my family to a cult willing to justify even the most reprehensible thoughts and actions. Overnight, I lost all respect for so many people in my life. When my own mother mocked my tears and fears over this exact election result, I knew our relationship would never be the same. People I thought I knew have suddenly been emboldened to openly express some despicable thoughts and beliefs. I am truly repulsed and nauseated by some things I've seen and heard from family members and close friends since the election."
"Now I'm setting boundaries to protect myself and my children. No more biting my tongue and playing nice to avoid conflict. No more placating or showing people respect just because they're 'family' or my 'elders.' No more news around my toddler children, and those who can't follow that rule can sacrifice their relationships with them. My focus now is protecting my kids and my peace from the dangerous rhetoric and beliefs that have become so much more prevalent, especially since the election. If I have to go limited or no contact with people to do so, well, then so be it."
—Nicole, 35
9."I can no longer respect my father after his vote proved he doesn’t respect women. It’s pretty disgusting to think, 'That’s my dad, and that’s how little he thinks about me.'"
—Anonymous
10."It’s tearing my family apart, at least from my perspective. One kid voted for Trump, and one voted for Kamala. One doesn’t want to be together for the holidays, and I’m the mom caught in the middle. I adore both of my grown kids. I may agree with one and not the other politically, but I WILL NOT disown or ignore the one I don’t agree with. My heart is breaking. What words can I use for both to understand?"
—Mama, 75
11."Everyone in my family voted red, but my dad has been the worst. I voted blue, and this is my first election. My brother isn't old enough to vote but he would have voted blue if he could have. On Thursday, my dad asked me who I voted for. I asked why it mattered, and he told me he knew what that meant and that I voted for the wrong person. He told me it was lucky that Trump won and that I have another four years to turn my values around. I'm female, disabled, chronically ill, and a closeted lesbian. I voted for MY rights."
"He keeps bringing up the election, and how he is so grateful that the majority of this country has values and hasn't been influenced by the 'mentally ill who think that men can be women and women can murder their babies, and that marriage is anything but a woman and a man.' The holidays are going to be a blast. I can't wait for college. I'll be going nine hours away."
—Kat, 18
12."I won’t be attending Thanksgiving this year and unsure about Christmas. My entire family voted for Trump, and as a queer drag entertainer, it’s hard being around them right now. I'm taking time to be with my friends and really decide what role I want my family to play in my life moving forward. Which likely means less access to my life."
—Jacob, 33
13."I'm a gay man, so I've cut off my parents, sister, and extended family since they support a man who doesn't believe in equality for LGBTQ people. They don't understand this election was about preserving human dignity for those who are constantly being demoralized by the right. I'm so glad I moved to the other side of the country and have a better community to spend the holidays with. I still love my family, but I feel so uncomfortable being around them. Except for my grandmother, she's an ally who voted for Kamala."
—TJ, 34
14."My daughter and son-in-law don't want me around. I voted for Trump the first time, but I didn't this time. I have told her I will never vote again if it means keeping her. My heart is broken over this damn election. I won't ever voice my opinions or beliefs again. It's not worth the hateful names being thrown at me. I could never treat her this way, no matter what she did."
15."I live with my grandparents. We’re in a red state. I have to move; I'm disabled. They’re in hysterics about it. I said, 'Sorry, but you don't love me, and to ensure my rights, I got to go.' They can't see any connection between their votes and that."
16."I'm not from the US, but my father votes for far-right neo-Nazis who want women to be broodmares, mummies, and maids, so here goes: I have gone very low contact with him. I already refused to be his maid after he retired (I came home after school in the afternoon, and he was just sitting around, waiting for me to cook and serve him), and I refuse to entertain his sexist, entitled nonsense now. I meet him at cafés or restaurants, but never in my home, and I limit meetings to 30-60 minutes."
"The briefer the meeting, the more it forces him to be on his best behavior, though he'll still inevitably throw in his political shit takes (even though I've repeatedly stressed I don't want to talk about the subject). I know he will never change — he doesn't self-reflect, confront his own male privilege, or care about women's issues (despite having a daughter). He will offer me money to 'help,' but I get by on my own, and I recognize his 'generosity' as a means to try and control me."
17.And finally, "My ex-husband cut off his father over it. He’s a stepdad for my daughter despite us not being together, but really the only father my daughter has ever had. He is fearful for me and for her. He said he couldn’t fathom why his dad would vote for policies that actively endangered his granddaughter so he could not continue the relationship. I am supportive and grateful he is that kind of man and that my daughter will never have to second guess his love and support for her."
Can you relate to any of these stories? Or does your family have a different way of handling political differences? Tell us what's on your mind in the comments.
