People Are Sharing The Vulnerable Reasons They're Not Having Children, And It's Beyond Eye-Opening
BuzzFeed recently asked the community: People who have decided not to have kids, what are your reasons?
And the answers are super eye-opening.
Below are 27 incredibly thought-provoking, and vulnerable reasons people shared that they decided not to have children:
1."I have never wanted them. I don’t have that motherly instinct."
"With my anxiety, I get overstimulated very easily, so when I hear a kid crying, I instantly get annoyed or angry. I don’t want to be responsible for trying to take care of something that needs all my attention 24/7 for the next 18+ years.
I like my peace, I like my quiet, and I like to do things when I want to do them."
2."I work with kids all day (I'm a preschool teacher), and I like being able to come home and do what I want."
"If I want to have cereal for dinner, I can do that. I don't have to worry about someone else's bedtime.
I don't spend money on kid things (except for my classroom lol)."
3."I raised my sisters and brothers when my mom decided to go back to work when I was in high school, and my dad was never a dad. I was forced to forfeit being a carefree teenager. I am reliving my youth."
4."No one understands when I say, 'I've just never wanted them.' Why can't it be that simple? If I said, 'I've just never wanted a cat' or 'I've just never wanted to live in New York City,' no one would ask me, 'But why?'"
"I don't think anyone should have kids unless they're sure they DO want them."
5."Silence and money."
"Plus, the physical act of pregnancy just makes me gag."
6."Climate change. I think if we don’t take serious action right now, humanity is basically doomed, and I see no evidence that people are going to start taking it that seriously in the US, China, etc."
7."I live in a red state surrounded by red states, so if I needed an abortion for any reason, I would have to travel at least one state away to have it done."
"And no, I’m not talking about waking up on a Thursday while seven months pregnant and deciding to get an abortion. I’m talking about a medical situation that puts my safety at risk."
8."I grew up in a very religious household, and the church I attended, in retrospect, was likely a Christian cult disguised as a non-denominational church. One of the worst things that experience gave me was the idea that my highest purpose in life was to be a wife and mother, so I went through life into my 20s thinking I would just have children because it was the way of things."
"Never mind that I never enjoyed playing with baby dolls. I never imagined myself holding a baby or wanting to be pregnant, and the idea of actually being pregnant is mortifying to me.
Thankfully, during college, I got enough exposure to the real world that I realized I did not, in fact, HAVE to have children and that it was okay for me not to want them.
I got a lot of pushback from my family when I left the church and started saying I didn’t want children and felt indifferent to marriage. My dad’s wife at one point said, 'When your friends have kids, you’ll lose them because they’ll see you’re cold and heartless for not wanting children.'
Fast-forward 15 years, and no one asks me when I’m having kids anymore because, by my mid-30s, they realize it’s not a phase. I met a wonderful partner who also does not want more children. They have two older teenagers who I adore and get along with well.
Also, it turns out that a large reason I likely never wanted children is that I’m bisexual, leaning more towards a preference for women — not that it should matter, if someone says they don’t want kids, drop it and don’t ask why."
9."I'm bipolar. I have had episodes where I can barely get out of bed and take care of myself. It would be impossible for me to take care of another person when I'm going through that. I would never subject a child to that."
10."I want to use the bathroom alone. I never want to go to a soccer game. I like sleep. I like money. I like peace."
11."I always really wanted to have kids. My husband and I married young and tried for almost a decade before receiving the news that I would never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. After going through seven miscarriages and expensive fertility treatments, we decided that we could not handle the emotional roller coaster that is the adoption process, so we are slowly coming around to the idea of not having children."
12."I knew I would never be a responsible father, and my wife just plain didn't want any."
13."Simple answer: Money."
"I’m going to be 30 in November, and my partner will be 32 this Friday. We’re high school sweethearts, together 13 years, and have gone through hell and back to try to get out of the poverty we were both born into, with zero luck.
We moved away, went to college, got a degree, worked multiple crappy jobs to end up homeless at one point and swimming in debt.Why would anyone bring a child into that?I hope life changes, but prices for everything keep going up, yet wages stay the same."
14."Pregnancy and childbirth have always been viscerally repulsive to me. My mother (who had five natural childbirths herself) was a Lamaze instructor in the 80s, and even then, I knew I wanted nothing to do with it."
15."I don't have the attention span to simultaneously raise good humans and be in the career path I want to be in and do a good job on both. I know some people who can absolutely do this, but I can't."
"The career path I've chosen does not pay well, and even with a second income, I wouldn't be able to give children the life I want them to have, where they can try any sport or instrument or get any extra school help they need."
16."My sister has been in and out of jail, and she has been locked up for almost three years. Even before that, she was too selfish to be a mother. Instead of caring for her two daughters, she’d be partying and hanging with friends. She lived with family, so our mom or I would watch the babies."
"So, when she got locked up for a few years, I stepped up to take care of them, and I have been doing so for many years. They are now 8 and 6. They are doing amazing. They are smart, beautiful little girls, and it sucks that my sister missed them growing up, but it is her fault.
I wanted kids in the past, but since taking care of her girls, I decided years ago I didn’t want any. Being an aunt, I experienced it in a way, and I loved watching them grow up. I am so proud of them."
17."I simply don’t like them."
"I don’t like the thought of being pregnant; I think of it as a parasite or like an alien from an alien living inside you.Babies and kids are so loud, screaming, crying, high-pitched laughter, and the sounds they make overload me, and I have a sensory meltdown.They are germ factories — I have a thing about germs.They think they know everything and are so entitled.They are just all want want want.99% of parents these days are so entitled and think their gremlins are Jesus Christ reborn.When you have kids, you lose your personality; the kids are your entire personality.I just don’t like them."
18."When I was younger, I worried that my own extremely messed up childhood and upbringing might cloud my judgment and make me into a bad parent—I now think that was very far from the truth because I became a great (based on other people’s comments) cat/dog mom and auntie to my nieces."
"However, I have still suffered from depression and anxiety since my teens. I have a genetic illness that affects my connective tissue and causes chronic pain, making it difficult for me to complete certain physical tasks at times and try my patience at other times.Lastly, my husband didn’t want to have children, and since I wasn’t sure about having them myself when we got married, I agreed to try to work it out with him. Well, he never changed his mind, but, at times, I have severely regretted not having one child.
I look at the many reasons NOT to have them, coupled with the state of the world today — an expensive economy, downright scary prospects for the environment, and the possibility of losing our democracy. I feel I’ve made the right choice, but part of me will always be tortured."
19."Ultimately, I didn’t want them because I have PTSD from a rough childhood and didn’t want my children to suffer from my anger. I’m still healing, and life certainly changes as you heal. ♥️"
20."The world just sucks. Speaking from living in the US, it’s expensive, schools get shot up on the regular, and the population has grown desensitized to it; having a daughter means explaining how she won’t have full control of her body and choice, and the overexposure coming from technology gives them no break away from school bullies."
21."I am too selfish, and I know that if I had a child with special needs, I would resent my decision to have a child, not the child themselves, because it’s not their fault, but I know it would be a regret."
"I value my own time and personal space more than I want a child.
I love my friend's and cousins' kids, but I can give them back when they get fidgety or loud.
We have two cats; they are our babies.
And finally, I just don’t want one."
22."I think about the fact that this tiny thing would need me and wouldn't survive without me for at least 12 years. My whole identity will slip away into caring for these small humans, and it will completely control and govern every single aspect of my life. The idea of that makes me physically ill."
"No time off, no breaks, no reprieve, just constantly shackled to this small human for over a decade and onward because it doesn’t stop just because they become self-sufficient.
The idea of losing my identity and being completely bolted to this small thing that will die if I take time to myself struck down any sense of clock or fever I ever felt around babies.
My drive to be independent and hold on to my hard-won sense of identity is so much stronger than any flash-in-the-pan consideration about having a baby."
23."I've had long-term depression since my early teens. I did not start medication until my early 20s after having crying spells, suicidal ideation, and suffering from muscle-numbing panic/anxiety attacks. I am lucky to be a functioning adult in my mid-30s with the ability to have a full-time job, a patient and loving boyfriend, and a great support system of friends who advocate for me. In order to have a child, I would need to go off my medication so my future children would not suffer long-term effects. "
"While I've come a long way with depression, I am nowhere near perfect. I have low energy levels, and sometimes my libido is nonexistent. It would not be fair to a child to not give them the energy and necessary tools they deserve to be successful and happy future adults.
While people tell me I would be a great mom, I'm okay being the fun Auntie."
24."I love kids but have never wanted to have them. I think bringing a child into this world is a major responsibility, and if you’re not 100% willing to commit to it, you shouldn’t do it. If it’s not something you want, I think it’s unfair to a child to bring them into that just because it’s a 'societal norm.'"
25."Cats are better and cuter, and I don’t have to worry about them constantly because they mostly take care of themselves."
26."Friends and family with children claim I'm selfish for not bringing children into this world. My response? 'It's the most unselfish act I will ever do.'"
27."I don't want them. That's it."
There you have it: 27 reasons people have decided having children wasn't for them.
How about you? If you decided not to have kids, what were your reasons? Did any of the explanations above resonate for you? Let us know in the comments!
Note: Some submissions were edited for length and/or clarity.
