People Are Getting Brutally Honest About Their Age And How They Feel About Getting Older
There's one thing that every single one of us has in common: We're all getting older every single day. There's no doubt that aging and mortality can be an uncomfortable topic to discuss because it comes with lots of fear and uncertainty. But over on Quora, people started talking about how they feel about age and the aging process in general, and the moment they realized they were "getting old." Here's what they said.
1."I'm 54. Overall, I feel fine. I'm still joyful, agile, and have a sense of humor. I'm still finding meaning and fulfillment in the little things. I'm still feeling grateful and blessed. I still laugh as often as possible, even when I’m home alone. But the cognitive understanding that I have more years behind me than ahead of me freaks me out a bit. Where did all those years go?..."
"...One minute I was 17 and smoking a joint at a The Who concert, and now I’m suddenly excited about gardening. I think it’s important when you reach the iffy years (when health can take an unexpected turn,) to make some kind of peace with mortality. I do this by taking stock of everything I’ve experienced, accomplished, and contributed in life.
I feel pretty satisfied about it all, thankfully, so there’s peace in me about potentially crossing over too soon. Honestly, the thought of living into my eighties or nineties tires me the hell out. I might change my tune later, but I’ve no desire to eke out as many years as possible if those years are going to involve dramatic degeneration. Also, it feels a bit selfish to pray for more years when so many young people never made it even close to my age. You get what you’re given, and you just have to be grateful for it; that’s how I look at it.
I’ve reached a new plateau mentally as well. It’s true what everyone says — you give zero f**ks what people think or how they view you. Once you unlock the most rewarding secret of all — validating yourself — life becomes a lot easier. I avidly avoid romantic relationships. I’m finding much more fulfillment in platonic connections because they feel more genuine and free of superficial strings.
Looks-wise, gone are the days when I could just swipe on some lipgloss and dazzle. Nowadays, achieving any kind of dazzle involves scaffolding, cranes, and a blow torch. I look back at my thirties and realize the plans back then were grander. It was all about what’s coming up years ahead. Now, my plans are so much more minimal. I only look ahead about a week at a time, sometimes a day at a time. It feels like I’m finally living in the present. And as for my health? I don’t go for check-ups or MOTs. I don’t weigh myself. I don’t check for lumps. I know nothing about my cholesterol level or anything else. So far, nothing has raised enough alarm bells for me to bother."
—Feef
2."I'm 67. My weight and all my other metrics are in the 'average' zone, except for my resting heart rate, which is 38. I row a lot, and I sleep well. I drink a bit, but I'm careful because as I've aged, I've become very sensitive to alcohol..."
"...I know it can't go on like this forever. I lost my (very fit) wife six years ago, and her sudden illness shocked me. Quite apart from the grief and tragedy, it made me super-aware of my mortality.
What that means is that I now plan accordingly. I do the things I want to do sooner rather than later. I don't put things off and get frustrated if I delay a trip or a new venture.
I have friends of my age who behave like they are old. I don't blame them, but I still want to ski every winter and am curious about the world. I've not "seen it all before" by a long way. I want to stay in this state for as long as possible and watch my grandchildren grow up. In fact, I'm getting new lenses in my eyes in a few weeks, so I can literally do so.
My body won't last forever, but it's essential, so I maintain it as the manual recommends. I've never smoked and eaten sensibly. I am fortunate to have good genes.
Aging is a bitch, but it's also a state of mind. I have some purchases on it, and a positive attitude goes a long way. I tend to power through aches and pains instead of worrying about their meaning like some of my friends do, and luckily I've found that they tend to bugger off after a good session on the rowing machine or a nice long walk with the hound."
3."I was never conscious of the passage of time. I was a part of it, and my point of reference moved along with time around me, so everything seemed somewhat ‘static’ as I floated down the stream of time. It's like when you sail in the ocean, and the only landmark you can see is very distant, so no matter how fast your boat (time) is moving, you cannot actually judge your speed via the landmark because it doesn’t appear to be moving. Then one day, at the age of 21, that changed forever..."
"...That changed when my first child was born. I could literally see him growing if not by the day, clearly by the week, and it happened so fast! Suddenly, I had a time marker outside of myself that clearly indicated the passage of time, and it was a watershed moment for me. My son went from an infant to a teenager to an adult in years, but it seemed to have happened so fast in retrospect.
Time moves quickly. Don’t waste too much of it because so much of it escapes without you sensing it. Secondly, the events that showed me that I was getting older were watching the adults I knew as a child grow old and begin dying. My parents, aunts, and uncles were all relatively young when I was little, but by my late teens and early adulthood, they began dying in succession, and for me, that was the most depressing aspect of getting older: watching friends and relatives age and die. That was an indicator of my own advancing age that I couldn’t ignore… death gets closer every day.
Enjoy time, sometimes by doing nothing, but don’t waste too much of it, for time is a currency in our bank of life that cannot be refilled— when the balance runs to 0, that’s it."
4."I'm a couple of weeks shy of 73. So many of my high-school peers, friends, and colleagues younger than me by ten years or more look so much older. I see pictures on Facebook of women I used to yearn passionately for when we were high school classmates, and they look like my grandmother now. My inner age is still about 48. In calendar years, though, I would say that, on the whole, my 60s were my best decade in overall health, productivity, and life satisfaction..."
"...My future? Well, I have lived enough. I will enjoy what's left and the privileges of age, material comfort, and retirement, but I'm prepared to go without fear or regret whenever the time comes. I expect and hope for no conscious life after that; all that will remain of me is my reputation, other people's memories, some legacies I've created for posterity, and a paltry few physical things that no one will want.
It doesn't bother me at all. I long ago achieved a somewhat zen-like sense of nonattachment to things. When I've had a long, busy, productive day and I go to bed weary with the endeavor, all I want is a release from it all — solid sleep, not even caring about whether I have any pleasant dreams during the night or wake up the next morning to a new day's agenda. That's how I feel about my final sleep. All I want then is release and oblivion — no more worries, obligations, and to-do lists, no more sense of past, present, and future, and no new agenda waiting for me 'on the other side.'"
5."I’m 39, and I recently started to look like my grandmother. Lines are beginning to form from my habitual facial expressions, and I enjoy them all. Many of my expressions made me feel ugly when I was young, and I spent many hours in front of a mirror trying to make them look nicer..."
"...But the more character my face gains, the more my exaggerated and comical facial contortions suit their context. I find it delightful, and not just because of the family resemblance. They are nice features when combined with the comical nonsense my face does by default. More and more, I look in mirrors and think, 'I'm going to be the cutest, most ridiculous little old lady ever. This is awesome...'
I am happy and fulfilled for the first time in my life. Emotionally, I'm far healthier than I ever thought possible, and my character continues improving. Even physically, I'm healthier than I've been since early childhood. Without insomnia, the huge amounts of stress, and the relentless drive to perform more extensive and more impressive physical feats, my pain levels are lower than they've been since childhood as well. It helps that I've picked up some spiritual tricks and good habits along the way; those contribute to my mental and physical health. I've never been in shape this good, and I have plenty of time to enjoy more progress in that direction, build, share, and make what I desire.
Not all of this will last. My arthritis is already significant, but meditation lets me bypass a lot of that pain, and I am continually improving that skill. My body will rot around me as I live, and I'll wind up a crinkled old bag. I wonder if my laughter will turn into a cackle, letting me pull out the pointy hats and pair them with a broomstick. Just to meet expectations, of course. I'd like that."
6."I’m 47. I've been divorced for a long time. I have one kid in college and one in high school. I can honestly say that I’ve never been more comfortable and happy with myself and where I am in life than I am right now..."
"...My body can't do all of the things it used to, and I'm probably less handsome than I once was, but I'm in good health, I have a good job working with great people, and I have learned to enjoy what I have without a burning desire to have a lot more. I know that nothing is permanent, and part of me is sad that I only get a finite amount of time to be alive. I've likened it to reading the middle chapters of a book after reading a summary of the beginning. You only know secondhand what came before, and you never get to see where things end up. But I also feel like I can appreciate the here and now in a way I couldn't when I was younger."
7."I will be ninety in a few months. I feel that my age has been a pain. I was very active in my younger years, as you may be. I remember when I arose at 6:00 a.m., dressed, made my children's lunches, and sometimes took them to school. Then I'd come home after work, make dinner, check papers, do one major household chore, watch the eleven o'clock news on television, and go to bed..."
"I remained pretty active until about two years ago, no way as I had years ago, but I could work without tiring a good bit. Now I just try to do one primary thing daily, like wash on Monday, dust on Tuesday, sweep on Wednesday, etc. I also do regular things, like making simple meals and cleaning up. Then, after that, it's the computer.
Also, despite being tired every day, I go out in my car daily just to get out of the house. I feel lucky to have reached this age without significant illnesses that have struck all but one of my sisters. One had dementia before she died, another was blind and deaf in one ear, a third was in assisted living with spinal stenosis, and another was in a wheelchair.
So, how do I feel about my age? Again, it's a pain. I used to knit all the time, but now my fingers don't like the movements in the hand. I used to go Christmas shopping. I did that all year and loved it. Now I have bought the cards and put a check inside them. I used to make complete meals for the holidays. Now I purchase cheesecake for desserts. I used to go to church. Now, I do not do that at all. I used to spend active time with my grandchildren. Now, I sit, watch, and smile. There are many more things, too numerous to mention, that I have cut out.
I'm still happy that God has given me the time to spend with my family, but I know that that, too, will come to an end. As it must, for old age, illnesses are not easy to bear, especially if you're attempting to remain independent and not 'become a burden to your children,' which will most likely happen no matter how hard you try to keep going on. I remember a bumper sticker from years ago that just about sums up life completely at this age. It said, 'OLD AGE IS NOT FOR THE WEAK.'"
8."I’m 41. I look and feel better now than I did at age 21 because I take care of myself; I’m keenly aware of my health, whether it’s physical, mental, social, or emotional. This is my fifth decade of life, and I’m at the place I want to be..."
"I have designed my life so I can enjoy it at the pace I want, doing the jobs I love: photographing people, working in the operating room, teaching piano, spending time with people I love, and thinking I could very well live like this until my time is up. I like aging; I think I look better the older I get, mostly because I learn more and more about health and wellness and access newer tech products, like hyaluronic acid, great sunscreen, or retinoids. I wear less makeup now than in my teens, as I am more comfortable in my skin.
I looked very young for a long time due to my round face and Asian features, but I looked at my parents; they looked good and healthy in their 70s! You definitely feel the thinner hair and lashes after age 35; however, a plus side to aging is that I can't wait to have grey hair to color funky pastel colors without bleach. But sometimes I feel my age inside. My y recovery is much slower now after photographing a long wedding day, or my back aches if I transfer a heavy patient at the hospital.
I also have much more insomnia now; it's harder to fall asleep and keep staying asleep without waking up in the middle of the night (which is now almost a daily occurrence). When I get sick, I stay sick for much longer. I can't eat junk food without feeling off and suffering sugar crashes. I try my best to eat healthy now (I fully believe you are what you eat) and don't crave sweets as I did as a youth.
Caffeine hits me harder, so I can only limit it to one cup in the morning. The only thing I have trouble with is making time for exercise, which I know I need to do, given that we lose so much muscle as we age. As an older person, I am all about comfort. I like wearing pajamas or scrubs as much as possible and love staying home and napping whenever I can. There is no place like home. I would rather chill here than party any day."
9."I’m 64. There is no way in hell I view myself as anything except young. And why shouldn’t I? The way I see it, I still have what amounts to my best and most productive years still in front of me..."
"...Anyway, my 90-year-old father and 87-year-old mother certainly see me as a young man, and it just so happens that I think they're absent. I couldn't care less what other people think of my age. As far as my views on aging? I can't say for sure what the future holds for me. However, up until now, every succeeding decade has been better and happier than the prior decade. My 30s were better than my 20s. My 40s were better than my 30s. My 50s were better than my 40s. Life in my 60s is wonderful right now. And I don't see that changing anytime soon."
10."I've always been aware of death at the end of the tunnel. However, in my youth, I comforted myself with the knowledge that it was a long way down the road and that I would have decades upon decades to go."
"Even in my 40s, I would double my age and tell myself that I probably haven't even lived half of my life yet, so chill out (we have some longevity in our family tree). My parents died in my 50s (at ages 87 and 96). And I started to feel old as if I was now next in line, but it didn't yet fully sink in.
I turned 60 last year, and it finally hit me. I can no longer count upon decades upon decades. I can no longer double my age. I feel the end of the tunnel coming much more quickly when I reflect on things. I now have the perspective to know how quickly 20 years will burn by. It will feel like a flash from now on when I turn 80 if I am so fortunate to have gotten there.
The thing is, I am healthy, and the above knowledge and perspective have also enabled me to slow down and smell the coffee. I don't think as much about the future. No one has any assurance about the future. I don't envy the young. I am happier now than when I was young. I have made it to 60, and there was no guarantee that I would even make it this far when I was younger. So, I enjoy each day and each moment as best I can. I'm at peace and genuinely feel that this is the best phase of my life, even though that darkness at the end of that tunnel keeps getting closer."
11."I'm 47 years old. I have been working through a midlife crisis of sorts for the last few years now. I am coming to grips with being closer to death than birth and what that means..."
"There has been a shift in my self-concept and relationship to the world. In my younger years, I always tried to get the next thing sorted out...I assumed I would just feel like an adult who had stuff figured out, that I would suddenly stop being plagued by my insecurities and past hurts, and life would just be more accessible.
In many respects, my life is easier than it was in my twenties. I have a decent job; I have been stashing money away for twenty years in anticipation of my eventual retirement. I have a spouse, a house, a cottage, and a couple of toys. I have enough money to travel, my work is interesting, and I enjoy the fruits of hard-earned experience. I still don't feel like an adult, though, despite having hit many of those milestones of adulthood. My feeling childlike is not so much that footloose, fancy-free experience of being a kid and unburdened by the demands of adulthood, but instead, I am less sure of myself; people continue to baffle me, I continue to baffle me, and for the first time in my adult life, I am not aiming for some specific goal.
I feel a bit directionless; I am unsure what I want anymore. I am in the process of redefining my priorities and where I want to direct my energies. This process feels like it is going slowly. I am no longer waiting for some magical moment to occur where I am suddenly 'cured' of me. I have realized that all those quirks, less healthy habits and behaviors, and negative thinking that have always held my full expression at bay will require work. I am doing that now, which is a contributor to me feeling like a child. I am navigating the mostly foreign landscape of my mind, and I feel woefully ill-equipped and inexperienced many days.
I often feel like I am fumbling about in the dark, tripping over unseen obstacles, dusting myself off, and plugging forward with no real sense of what I am heading into or toward.
This may sound grim, but I don't mean it to. Some days, I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of all I don't know or understand, but some days, it feels like freedom. I am beginning to understand the concept of 'just being,' which is an idea that has utterly confused me until recently. If my future and trajectory are undefined, I can do whatever I like at that moment instead of always striving to get to the next thing. I am sure I will again have 'next things,' but for now, I am going to take my time deciding what that is and hopefully be able to approach that 'next thing' in a more balanced way that does not entail me devoting every bit of my energy towards it. Maybe that is when I will know I have arrived?"
12."I'm an 82-year-old female. I still have just as much passion as I ever had. I am currently without a mate. This I do not like. But such is life. Pickings get a lot slimmer as you get older. Aside from that, I am content with my life. As far as my future, I am living my future. I probably have about 20 years left with luck. So it doesn't stretch out to infinity the way it seems when you're younger."
13."I was in my mid-forties when I looked, really looked, in the mirror one morning. 'My God! Where did that face come from? What happened to the young chick that was there just last week? The one that lives inside my head. That face is NOT young. How could this happen?!?' Those were the thoughts running through my head..."
"...I was astounded and yet I suddenly understood why I had become so invisible to men. Not that I was trying to attract attention, but men used to flirt with me once in a while. Another realization hit me: if I live to be 90, this is middle age.
Well, I didn’t let it stop me. I didn’t feel old inside, and I wasn’t about to retire from life. My kids were growing up and I could come and go as I pleased, mostly, and I had things on my agenda to complete. Fifty came along with a surprise party and lots of friends and relations. I almost missed the party because I was seriously considering a road trip to Michigan to see a band. The young chick was still in my head, and there was fun to be had.
It’s ten years later now. My knees hurt. My fingers are a bit stiff. My husband requires enough care so that I can’t really go running around the countryside and it makes me feel sadder. The face in the mirror is a stranger to me sometimes. The young chick in my head complains about being imprisoned when so many things are still to do. I indulge her by planning one final road trip.
One day, she and I are going to start off in our car and visit all the forty-eight contiguous states, maybe even Alaska. We’ve been collecting ideas on places to visit and things to do. Friends and relations will be surprised with a visit. I get senior discounts at some places now, but I almost feel I don’t deserve them. I might be older, but I haven’t gotten too 'old' yet. I’ll come back and edit this post when I do."
14."Around the time I was 40, I went to a wedding. I'm used to hanging out with the younger party crowd and getting wild. But, this time, everyone was very polite and deferential to me. I realized I was the 'adult' sitting at the 'kids' table, possibly spoiling their fun, so I found another group to sit with. I was in law school at that time as an older student. I did not feel like a peer but rather an outsider in subtle ways. Nothing overt, just unexpected politeness..."
"...That's another time that I realized I was in a completely different class of people due to my age. I started seeing photographs of myself taken by friends on Facebook and did not immediately recognize myself. In some of them, I looked fine. In others, I looked haggard and wrinkled and tired. I don't mind. That's what happens. I even like to joke about my age for no reason other than to let people know that I am not defensive about it. I want people to know it's ok to joke about it with me, rather than treat me like an outcast who will get cranky just because someone mentions age."
15."I'm 54. I find it hard to believe when I sit down and think about it. How did this happen? People generally put me in the early-mid forties, and that is how I feel on a physical and psychological level. I went through a long relationship that lasted more than most marriages I know, and although the separation was hard, I came out better in the end..."
"...They say that men only mature at 50, and maybe there is some truth. One of the most positive things about getting older is that you don't care about what other people think about what you do — although I care about that very restricted group close to me. That gives me the freedom to do and pursue things that I didn't have the patience or perseverance to do as a youngster. Not one of my friends is a biker, yet I developed a true passion for motorcycling in my 40s, and still today, it is one of the true pleasures of my life. I have done several trips throughout Europe and Morocco, and I'm planning to do the longest one this year, driving up to the North Cape. Alone, of course.
I've always wanted to learn how to play an instrument, so I picked up the electric guitar when I turned 50 and quickly changed to the bass, definitively MY instrument. I got a tattoo. I started to do yoga, it has done me a lot of good and I love it, agnostic as I am. I lost a lot of weight and started to care more about what I ate, but without giving up the joy of having good food. These are, along with the self-confidence that seeing and having been through many varied experiences brings to anyone, some of the most positive aspects I experienced as I grew older.
There are, of course, drawbacks. One of the first things you notice is that younger people start to address you as 'sir.' The problem about feeling younger than your actual age is that you don't realize how your image impacts others. When I was in my teens, I found it ridiculous when I watched what I called 'old people' (many of them younger than I am now) do 'hip' things and desperately search for lost youth. Although I do some stuff that may not be perceived as typical for my age (whatever that means), I still feel that way. But I also know that my generation is different from those who were 50 when I was young. More liberated, more informed, more accepting, more confident.
Another thing is that you become 'invisible' to younger people, especially to the opposite sex, and it doesn't even have to mean that you have some interest in them. As a man, this is one of the first things I had to come to terms with. You look at women your age; somehow, they look older than you because you 'feel' young. The sentiment is probably mutual. But then you realize you have much more in common with (some) women your age, and you get over it. By the way, does anyone experience the same thing when I look at my reflection in the mirror and at a picture of myself? Why do I look older in the photo — even if it is recent than when I look at my reflection?
Another thing is that I always find it surprising when I find out that people I haven't met for ages do not look as they did when I last saw them. For some reason, I retain the image of people as I knew them at a young age, and absurdly, on a subconscious level, expect them, on a first impact, to never grow out of that image. I have had that a lot since I started to work at a place close to my old high school and consequently went to the same café I did when I was 17. I frequently meet familiar faces, and I'm always (except for that odd waiter, who has undoubtedly made a pact with the Devil since he looks exactly as I remembered him almost 40 years ago!) surprised with how older men and women alike nearly all of them have become. I lie politely to them, 'You haven't aged a day!' and they reply similarly, all in all, I must say the experience of growing older has been way better than I imagined in my teens."
How do you feel about aging? What are the things that have given you joy about getting older, and what are the aspects that have been challenging or worrisome? Tell us all about it in the comments or in this anonymous form.
