I covered my birthmark for 20 years but having children helped me embrace it
Watch: I learnt to love my facial birthmark after having children
A mum who wore make-up to cover up her birthmark for 20 years has explained how having kids helped her embrace her difference as she didn't want to "hide" from them.
Frith Zerfahs, 44, a police officer, who lives near Inverness, Scotland, was born with a port wine stain birthmark and grew up in a remote part of Scotland. While she says she was never bullied about the facial mark, there was no representation. "I never saw anyone with birthmarks in the media or TV," she says. "You're aware that you are different."
At aged eight Frith had laser treatment to lighten the pigments in her birthmark. "I believe I was one of the first to be treated in Scotland," she says. "But the presumption is you want to get rid of it."
Firth's birthmark regenerates so it gradually over time it got darker. In her final year of university Frith was struggling with the breakdown of a long-term relationship and the pressures of her final term.
She recalls two instances that pushed her to go for laser treatment again, aged 21. "A woman in a supermarket came up to me and said 'I know how you feel'," she says. "She had a trolley with a toddler and lifted up his fringe to show his birthmark. I was gobsmacked."
The second incident was when she was travelling back in a taxi to university. "The driver was looking at me in the mirror, which made me feel uncomfortable," she recalls. "He said 'is that a birthmark on your face? I saw a programme the other day - you know you can get lasers to remove it'.
"In those moments you think all your problems are because you have a birthmark," Frith continues. "I felt I needed to do something about my birthmark. I felt I needed to fix the situation."
Things started to change when Frith trained as a police officer and found the confidence to join some dating apps, where she met her future husband, Peter Zerfahs, 47, a computer programmer. "I remember on our first date I did have some make-up on and I mentioned my birthmark," Frith says. "He said 'I hadn't noticed, that's cool'. I immediately felt at ease."
The couple went on to get married and welcomed their firs son, now 10, three years after meeting. They also have two daughters - aged eight and two - and a younger son - aged five. Frith says becoming a mother really helped her to look at her birthmark in a different way.
"It changed my attitude towards it [the birthmark]," she explains. "I was putting make-up on one day and I realised I didn't want to hide from him [her eldest son]. So I stopped wearing make-up to cover up my birthmark and feels so much better not to. Part of me felt like a fraud covering up."
Firth says her youngest daughter recently scribbled on her doll to represent her mum's birthmark."She loves this doll," she explains. "I thought 'wait a minute, that's a similar colour and position to my birthmark'. It was a very special feeling. All the kids now draw me with my birthmark and they've all said they wish they could look like me. That means the world to me."
Frith shares her own story on social media and in the future hopes to continue to see more representation for visible differences, including more brands bringing out dolls with birthmarks or being more inclusive with the models they choose.
"I do think attitudes are changing," she adds. "I love my birthmark. If I could click my fingers and magically get rid of it I wouldn't."
Read more about visible differences:
Woman bullied for being 6ft 2 learns to embrace her height to become tallest Miss England contestant (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
Dad embraces vitiligo after wearing make-up and fake tan for 16 years (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
Instagram campaigner wears purple glittery false eye to inspire others with sight loss (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
