You be the judge: my daughter never wears her glasses – should I pay for her contact lenses?
The prosecution: Bridget
We’ve already bought Rebecca expensive glasses. If she wants contacts too, she can pay
My daughter, Rebecca, never wants to wear her glasses and it drives me mad. She’s 18, and at her age she really needs to look after her eyesight.
I recently forced her to go to the opticians as she was complaining about not being able to see things in class. The optometrist said she’s shortsighted and needs glasses, but she refuses to wear them. I think it’s a ridiculous display of vanity. Rebecca will deliberately leave her glasses at home, even though I let her choose nice designer frames, costing more than £100.
Her father and I have told her that contact lenses are a luxury, much like makeup
She says she sits close to the front of class at school and doesn’t need to wear them every day. I’m concerned that not wearing them will make her eyesight worse. Rebecca has started researching laser eye surgery, which I think is so dangerous.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate as she is asking if we will buy her monthlies, which cost £20 a month
I wouldn’t fund anything like that, especially at her age. She wants contact lenses, but I said she’ll have to pay for those with her own money, which I think is fair. Her father and I have told her that contact lenses are a luxury, much like makeup. She usually buys her own makeup, using the money she’s earned from her part-time job in a cafe in our village.
But Rebecca thinks we should pay for her contact lenses as, apparently, that’s what her best friend has her parents do. She says contact lenses are not a luxury but rather a necessity, just like her glasses – and if we’re prepared to pay for those, then why not the contacts, too?
She’s started getting free contact lens samples from various local opticians. She has probably gone to every single one within a 10-mile radius of home and will run out soon. We’re at a bit of a stalemate as she is asking if we will buy her monthlies, which cost £20 a month.
I said no, and while Rebecca isn’t sulking, she is bugging me. I’m against it. It’s not like her dad and I are tight parents – we bought her a new iPhone, and she gets clothes and makeup at Christmas. We just think that anything outside that, including contact lenses, should be on her. Am I being unreasonable?
The defence: Rebecca
Lenses aren’t a luxury. I feel confident in them, and only need help paying for them until after uni
I’m not trying to be an ungrateful brat – I just think that if Mum’s parental responsibilities extend to looking after my eyesight, I should have a say in what form that support takes.
I’m grateful for her help booking the optician’s appointment and buying glasses, but I did tell her beforehand I’d rather have contacts. Mum has never worn them, so she sees them as an indulgent luxury, when in reality they are just an alternative to glasses.
I like the glasses I chose. But I want a choice between them or contacts. I don’t think it’s asking for too much.
I also feel sort of tricked. If I’d known it was a choice between glasses and lenses, I would have chosen lenses.
I like wearing makeup and now that I can go out, I don’t want to cover my face with glasses in a nightclub or anything. Mum says I’ll have to pay for contacts myself, even though I know she and Dad have the money.
That’s not to sound ungrateful; it’s just that £20 a month isn’t a huge deal to them, but it is to me as I only have a part-time job and am still at school. All my friends get their contact lenses paid for, so I don’t think it’s too much of an ask.
I also feel sort of tricked. If I’d known it was a choice between glasses and lenses, I would have chosen lenses. At the optician’s, we only spoke about glasses. Then I was told if I wanted contact lenses I would need to have another eye test and appointment, and Mum said, “No we don’t need that.”
I thought: “Woah, hang on.” Then later she told me it was going to be on me if I wanted to get contact lenses. To bargain a little, I think I will suggest they start a direct debit to pay for the lenses that can end when I leave university. Then, when I graduate and have more money, I can start paying for them myself.
That’s my attempt at bargaining, but I don’t know how it will go. Mum is adamant that contact lenses aren’t needed right now, but they are vital to my development as a young adult. That’s not me being overdramatic; it’s the truth. I feel like Ugly Betty wearing glasses. I might even fail my exams if I have to wear them all the time, due to stress. And my mum wouldn’t want that.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Bridget pay for Rebecca’s contact lenses?
Forcing anyone to wear specs is wrong, especially if there’s an affordable alternative. Contacts are mainstream, not a luxury in 2024! Primary schoolchildren wear them. Mum should support Rebecca’s choices and self-confidence. She is not a child.
Lyn, 70
Rebecca has shown initiative in getting free supplies and it’s great that she’s also earning. She should look for more ways to save money rather than using emotional blackmail. No one ever failed exams from wearing glasses! There is room for compromise. Swap that fancy new iPhone for a cheaper contract and put the money towards lenses.
Alan, 52
Rebecca should be independent and pay for the lenses or wear the glasses that have already been bought. After all, she is working and can pay for contact lenses from her salary. There’s always the temptation to fit in with friends but it’s OK to be a ‘“trendsetter’” and do things differently!
Sabrina, 45
Bridget calling Rebecca vain seems pretty unempathetic. Don’t we all remember the stresses and insecurities of teenagehood? Many people choose to wear contacts every day anyway. Helping to pay until university while Rebecca’s only income is her part-time job seems a fair ask.
Leo, 25
When I transitioned over to contact lenses in sixth form, my mum paid for them, but once I was in university then I started ordering them myself, along with almost everything else I needed. I think Bridget should help Rebecca out while she’s living under her roof, but once she’s at uni it will be a good lesson in budgeting that student loan.
Hannah, 31
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Bridget pay for Rebecca’s contact lenses?
The poll is now closed
Last week’s result
We asked whether Fran should stop looking at her phone when she and her boyfriend are watching films on TV.
82% of you said yes – Fran is guilty
18% of you said no – Fran is innocent
