"I'm Married Now, But...": People Are Sharing Why They Still Think About A Particular Ex, Even Decades Later
When a relationship ends, it's only natural to mourn your lost love for a while. But for some people, those memories and feelings never seem to fade. Recently, we shared some stories from the BuzzFeed Community about "the one who got away," and in the comments, people shared even more real-life stories about loving, losing, longing, and living to love again. Here are some of their stories:
1."I thought there was something better out there. I left him high and dry. I thought of him for years, and when I finally had the courage to look him up, I found out he had tragically died. I think about him often, look back, and count myself lucky to have been so truly loved at such a very young age. He is so very missed. I wish I could’ve told him how much I truly loved him for so many years."
2."I had the biggest crush on someone in high school. I thought he was the one. So nice, smart, cute. We would talk on the phone every day (this was back in 1997) after school. One day, he worked up the courage to ask me out. I played coy, which made him think I wasn’t interested, and he chickened out. I spent two years trying to get him back. I should have just said yes."
"Time went by. We went to different colleges but still kept in touch through instant messenger.And then one day, we were both back home, and he called and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I said yes (obviously) and we went to dinner and wandered around town and it was magical. I wanted to tell him how much I wanted to be with him, but I was afraid he’d run away again, so I just enjoyed the moment.He hugged me goodbye at my parents' house, and a week later, he met his future wife at college.I got married to my college boyfriend. He moved away. We both had kids around the same time. I got divorced.And still wonder to this day, if I would have just said yes, what would have happened. I have imagined my life with him for decades, even when I was married. We lost contact after college. We are still Facebook friends, and his wife tags him in posts, so I can see what he’s up to.I have been blunt to a fault in life for decades because of this."
3."I was talking to this girl in college. I forget if she straight up told me she wasn't interested, or if I asked her out and she said no. But for whatever reason, it didn't happen. I started talking to another girl, and we went out on a date and had a great time. The original girl knew I went on a date (forget if I told her, or a friend did). When I got back from my date, the original girl said how much are missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me."
"Stupid 19-year-old me went back with the original girl, and we dated for about a year. After we broke up, I tried rekindling with the other girl, but that obviously didn't work out.We hung out a couple of times over the next 2-3 years, but we never became more than just friends who wish each other a happy birthday on Facebook occasionally.I'm under no illusion that the other girl and I would be married with the perfect life. Hell, we could've broken up in 2 weeks. I'm happily married now, but every so often, I think what if.Last I heard, the girl was a doctor somewhere."
4."13 years ago, I met someone via MySpace and fell in love with him. It didn’t work out, but we tried to stay friends since we lived about two hours away from each other. We never met in person until three weeks ago. We had even lost touch for the last six years, until I reached out to him on Facebook at the beginning of this year. We started talking a lot again. I think we both developed crushes on each other again."
"But past issues were not let go of, and they came to the surface, pulling him away. It wasn’t until he realized that my health condition was serious and getting worse that we became closer again. The first time we met in person, he went with me to a cardiologist appointment to learn of my recent echocardiogram. Ever since then, we talk constantly, but I don’t think we will ever develop into anything more than best friends, but he’s the one I’ve always wanted. I love that man, and I am grateful for him being here for me while dealing with my health issues."
5."I was seeing someone who really fit the bill. Good looking. Tall. Outdoorsy for sure. He was seeing someone much older while seeing me. I should have dumped him right then and there. But my insecurities kept me from breaking up. He finally found someone else and broke up with me. He married her. I also got married several years later, had two children, and then divorced. I remarried 26 years ago, but I still think about him."
"He’s still married to his first wife with kids and grandkids. So we’re older now, and after all those years, people change. That’s what I tell myself. I am happy in my marriage and should be grateful for that, but I still wonder…. Then I think what a waste. Enjoy the moment and forget the past."
6."18 years ago, when I was in high school, I met 'the one that got away.' We met through church, and he was one year older than I. We talked alll the time at church and on the phone — I considered him my best guy friend. I was in a terrible, childish relationship, and he was the one I’d go to for advice. He told me I needed to get out and be with him instead."
"I never rushed to get out of that relationship, and eventually, when I got out, I realized I wanted to take the chance, but it was too late. He had other priorities.
Once he graduated, he signed up for the armed services. I was crushed. I’d hang out with his brother in hopes I’d see him before he left. I never did until we found each other on social media. I’ve seen him go through relationships, and my heart just breaks.
Right now, I’m in a happy relationship, but I see him on my social media, and I just can’t help but think, what if? He’s handsome, funny, talented… whatever girl he chooses, she’s lucky to have him."
7."I was attending first-year classes at a local community college. In one of my classes, there was a smart, quiet, handsome young man who sat halfway across the room from me. It was a discussion-heavy class (Ethics), and I was always impressed by his contributions. One day, about two-thirds through the semester, I had turned to look at him as he was speaking, and our eyes met, and I suddenly felt that heart-swooping shock of recognition that people often call 'love at first sight.'"
"The very next class, he moved his desk to sit next to me, which makes me think that he felt it too. But I was so painfully shy and anxious that I could not bring myself to do more than say hello (I didn't even manage to introduce myself), and he was clearly very shy too.I agonized every class up until the last day, wanting to speak more to him. I even sat outside the classroom after finishing the final exam on the last day, trying to get myself up to waiting for him to exit the classroom so I could speak to him, but I chickened out again and left.(FWIW, I put 'love at first sight' in quotes because I think it's really *potential* at first sight. Even if you follow up on it and start dating, it's still quite possible that the person who made your heart flip when you first saw them is NOT, in fact, a good partner for you.)"
8."I dated a girl in my late teens who I was crazy about, and I suffered for years after we broke up and thought of her often. I'm happily married now, but she wrote to me out of the blue about 20 years after I last saw her, just a couple of weeks ago. I agreed to meet her for a coffee, very curious to know how I would feel about her after two decades. I went to meet her, and had quite a nice time for the first 20 minutes of chatting."
"However, I had no attraction for her whatsoever. She had become quite bitter over the years, and despite my telling her I was married, she was asking me to go back to her flat with her, and tried to grab a kiss as I was leaving. Then blew up my phone with unpleasant messages when I got home because I didn't want to fuck her. And this made ME a horrible, shallow person, apparently.It's fair to say that 20 years of romanticising and occasional private fantasizing went out the window in one hour. Good!"
9."I dated a guy a few years back. He lived in Michigan. I was entering my third year of grad school in California. We met online and had an instant connection. He flew out to California to meet me and meet my friends, and we just clicked so well together. My friends loved him. We decided to do a long-distance thing. He flew for free since he worked for an airline, so it seemed very feasible. I already had plans to go to the Midwest that summer, so it wasn’t a big deal for me to change my flight and go spend some time with him and meet his friends. Then, he ghosted me."
"Six weeks of dating, and he just completely disappeared. I finally heard from him three months later when he finally told me what had happened. I was willing to overlook all of that in order for us to stay in each other's lives. He wasn’t interested, and we haven’t had any communication since. I was devastated for a long time.
Flash forward over a decade later and I just got married to an amazing man who is great at communicating and lives in the same town as me. So, my ex may still be the one that got away, but I think I can safely say that I’m doing just fine without him. I still think of him occasionally and wonder what might have been. But honestly, I’m good. Life has moved on. I hope he’s doing well and has found happiness."
10."I saw him in a high school pep rally, and it was completely love at first sight, for me, at least. He was a year older than me. Everyone in our friend group knew I liked him. He knew I liked him, but he didn't have those feelings for me. He graduated from high school, and I lost contact with him. A year after I graduated, he reached out to me on Facebook, then again on Snapchat."
"We started talking and flirting. I let him know I still had feelings for him, and again, he very nicely let me know the feelings weren't there for him. So, friends it was. Until one day it got too much, it started to hurt talking to him every day and flirting. Talking for hours about nothing but never running out of things to say.
He even admitted to me that he thinks we should have been together, but made no moves to be together. I moved out of the state he lives in, and for my own peace of mind, I blocked him. He will text me every now and then. I think a part of me will always care for him."
11."I recently saw a Facebook post and pictures of the one who got away, and thanked God I am not married to that old man."
12."For me, it's not so much 'the one that got away' as it is the ones I never took a chance with. I wasted so much of my life pursuing the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Now that I have learned my many painful lessons and better understand who I am and who I want in my life, I think of the many people I have known that I wish I had gotten to know better."
13."I thought I had married the perfect partner for me. We were so similar in so many ways. I fell head over heels for her, and she became the only person I’d ever opened up to. Well, I’ve learned my lessons the hard way. When we met, we were both married. I 'fell in love' with her because we seemed tailor-made for each other. The sex was so intense and out of this world. We never had an argument or fight. My life was perfect!"
"I was in the Army and stationed in the California desert. I was away for three days for duty, and when I got back to our apartment, it was empty. Most of my clothes were still there, but everything else was gone. Our bank account was zeroed out. I was crushed and broken. This literally ended my military career.
She’s been married six times so far! She molded herself into my dream girl, and when she got tired of me after two years off, she went to her new source. After decades of therapy, I’ve realized I was in love with a fantasy. Someone who never existed. A narcissist."
14."My heart is broken for her. I think of her and tears well up in my eyes. I was no good for her, but we were drawn to one another by an attraction that I can only describe as fierce and abnormally compelling. I was convinced we knew one another in another life 800 years ago, and our paths crossed again only to be tortured by not being able to be together. I’ve never been kissed in the way she kissed me, nor do I expect to be ever kissed that way again. This love hasn’t subsided, and my heart remains scarred."
15."I reconnected with the 'one who got away' 10 years later, after we had matured and lived life. We will be married 21 years next month."
16."I met him when I was 12, and he was 14. I fell for him immediately. We were neighbors and saw he other a lot growing up. At 16, we went on our first date. He was my first kiss. We went to different colleges but kept in touch and went out when we were both home. I was shy and never told him my true feelings, nor did he. After college, he moved away to pursue his career. He became very successful. Soon after he moved, I met my husband. We dated for three years. The week before my wedding, he returned home and asked to meet me."
"We sat in my car and talked. He let me know that he’d stay in town until my wedding in case I changed my mind. I still loved him, but I went on to get married. He eventually married, too.
It’s been 50 years, and I still miss him and think of him often. I’ve had a good marriage. I tell myself that it wasn’t God’s plan for me to be with him, but I still long for him. Sometimes I contemplate reaching out on social media to tell him the things I couldn’t say when I was young."
17."We were both in college, and she was truly the first person that I considered love at first sight to be an actual thing. In hindsight, she was actively pursuing me, but at the time I was unable/unwilling to convince myself that a female could be interested in me, or anyone could possibly have a desire for me, due to sexual trauma placed on me by what was a trusted female adult in my life as a pre-teen."
"She eventually moved on, as she should have. We remain friends today (in our early 40s).I don't wish it had happened any differently. The woman I eventually met and am still married to today helped me cope with my past trauma, helped me accept that therapy was ok, and loves me for exactly who I am. She knows all of this above, who the friend is, and that I will always have that friendship, but that it's nothing more now."
18."He was 29, I was 36 when we met. It was instant love and a strong pull toward each other that we couldn't deny. He had a girlfriend, but we saw each other for two years. He married her, loving me, and I walked away without drama. I recently found him almost 28 years later. The feeling's just as strong, and time couldn't remove our love. He is still married, and I miss him so much. He will always be the one that got away."
19."I was a cruel, vicious, narcissistic fool who hurt the love of my life (who pursued ME) until she finally broke and walked away. 35 years after the breakup, she is always ALWAYS on my mind. I don't know what I was thinking, or how I was thinking, but I had some SERIOUS mental problems. I literally pushed her out of my life. I am 60 years old, alone, and filled with profound regrets."
20."The only ex I think about with any regularity was the first person I ever truly fell in love with. I was in my early 20s, and it was definitely not a healthy relationship. He was controlling and emotionally abusive. I have no doubts that if I had stayed, the abuse would have turned physical. Knowing all that, and knowing how good it was for me to leave, doesn't stop him from popping into my head every so often. Through social media I watched him to the same exact crap to other girls which always helps remind me the person I had fallen in love with was the mask persona he used, the real person underneath is not worth anyone's time."
21."I worked with her for years in the same restaurant/hospitality company. We were both in relationships when we met, but the attraction was there. I still think of the night she kissed me at a staff party 17 years ago. When my relationship ended, I thought hers would end soon, too, since they were constantly bickering. By the time she became single, I had met the woman who would become my wife. I'm very happy with her, we've been together 15 years, married for 12, and have our first child finally on the way. As for her, she's also in a relationship and has two children herself. But sometimes, I still get that 'what if...' feeling, wondering how things would be different."
22."I was 18 (a Freshman in college) and she was 16 (a high school senior) when we first started dating. We fell madly in love with each other, and it felt like my whole world revolved around her. She was my first serious girlfriend and my first true love. But the following year, when she moved away to start her freshman year at college, she came home at Thanksgiving and ended our relationship. She had gone on a couple of dates with a guy she met in her dorm, and she wanted to be free to date other guys and experience all that college life had to offer."
"The breakup devastated me. I thought for sure we would get married one day and live happily ever after.I have been happily married for 40 years, but I still think about this old girlfriend on a regular basis. She actually did both of us a favor by ending our relationship because, in looking back on it, we were both too young and inexperienced to be seriously considering marriage. After I got over our breakup, I had 4 or 5 somewhat serious relationships with other women. My wife and I started dating a year after we first met, when I was 26, and I knew pretty soon after we began an exclusive relationship that she was the woman I was going to marry.I sometimes wonder how I would respond if my old girlfriend got in touch with me. I would be pleased to hear from her (it’s been almost 50 years since we had any contact), but I think that sometimes it is best to leave certain relationships in the past. But what I sometimes think about is if we were both widowed, could we reconnect as a romantic couple? We had a very loving relationship when we dated as teenagers, and I can’t recall ever having an argument. If she hadn’t initiated the breakup, I wouldn’t have ruled out us getting married, although, like I said earlier, it was probably best that we didn’t.Bottom line is that I hope she is happy and doing well."
23.And finally, "We have actually reconnected after going our separate ways and living our separate lives. Post divorce, for me, we rekindled our relationship from 20 years ago when we were very young and recognized we’d have never made it had we stayed together then. He’s asleep next to me now and is great with my children. I never ever thought he’d come back to me and had made peace with that, but hey, here we are."
"The ones who got away are definitely not always the ones we were truly meant for, and oftentimes the idea in our heads of what it could have been are far more fantasy than what reality would be. However, in my case, against many odds, it’s working out.
Absolutely has its challenges, but we work every day to overcome the bumps in the road, and we both know we are truly each other's soulmates. I don’t regret my marriage, which ended amicably, and I am so grateful I had children with my ex-husband. He’s a wonderful father and a great coparent. Life is truly wild and strange. I don’t think my story is common, and our history together could probably be turned into a pretty good young adult romance series lol, but we’ve come a long way and don’t live in the idea that we are the same people we were at 18, experiencing love for the first time."
Do you have a story about the one who got away? Share it with us in the comments or via the anonymous form below:
