Grimes and Elon Musk have separate houses – could living apart keep you together?
Grimes and Elon Musk like to make their own rules when it comes to their relationship.
The on-off couple share a toddler son, X AE A-12, known as X, and recently announced they have a baby girl, born via a surrogate in December 2021 – named Exa Dark Siderael Musk, known as Y.
But as well as choosing some pretty unique names for their offspring, the pair have revealed they're unconventional when it comes to their living arrangements too.
In a new interview with Vanity Fair, Grimes, whose real name is Claire Elise Boucher, described their relationship as "fluid" before revealing they actually live in separate houses.
“There’s no real word for it," she said. "I would probably refer to him as my boyfriend, but we’re very fluid. We live in separate houses. We’re best friends. We see each other all the time… We just have our own thing going on, and I don’t expect other people to understand it.”
Grimes was then asked if the two are happy, to which she replied without hesitation: "Yeah, this is the best it’s ever been. We just need to be free."
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It may sound like an unusual set-up, but living together apart is not uncommon among celebrity couples.
Gwyneth Paltrow and her second husband, Brad Falchuk don't live together full-time either.
The Goop founder, 49, told The Sunday Times’ Style that their unconventional sleeping arrangement is a deliberate decision made with the blessing of her intimacy coach.
The couple spend four nights a week together at their marital home with her children by the Coldplay singer, daughter Apple and son Moses.
For the remaining three nights they live apart – the Hollywood producer, 51, lives at another home with his children, son Brody and daughter Isabella, whom he shares with first wife Suzanne Bukinik.
What's more, the arrangement has become the envy of some of Paltrow's cohabiting friends.
“Oh, all my married friends say that the way we live sounds ideal and we shouldn’t change a thing,” she revealed.
Meanwhile the star's intimacy coach says the built-in weekly separation gives their marriage “polarity”.
Watch: Elon Musk and Grimes secretly welcome another baby
Ellie Goulding has also confessed she enjoyed a period of living apart from her husband.
The Love Me Like You Do singer married art dealer Caspar Jopling in August 2019. They spent lockdown together in Oxfordshire but after Covid restrictions eased she moved back to London for work while he continued his MBA.
On living apart, Goulding told the Mirror: “I love it! I love my husband – but I also love myself.
“I can read a book. I can go for a run, I can eat messily. So it’s really great that you can have a partner that you don’t have to be with 24/7 – even when you’re married.”
She isn't the only one either. During their 13-year relationship Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton lived in separate sides of a conjoined property in north London with their two children. While they are no longer together, it seems the arrangement worked for the couple for many years.
In 2010, the Harry Potter actor spoke to the Radio Times about their living situation, according to The Telegraph.
"They say Tim and I are a mad couple with subterranean tunnels between our adjoining houses, and that our children live down the road with another couple," she said.
"We just have two houses knocked together because mine was too small. We see as much of each other as any couple, but our relationship is enhanced by knowing we have our personal space to retreat to.
"It’s not enforced intimacy. It’s chosen, which is quite flattering – if you can afford it."
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While things didn't work out for Bonham Carter and Burton, experts do believe there are some tangible benefits for couples living separately.
"In the traditional sense of being in a couple, moving in together is a milestone that is typically celebrated," explains psychologist and wellbeing consultant, Lee Chambers. "But in an increasingly flexible world, living together apart is an option that some couples find works effectively for maintaining a healthy relationship."
While it is, of course, a privilege to be able to have access to two separate homes, Chambers says the living arrangement can have some plus points for certain couples.
"There is the autonomy of having your own space and ability to express your individuality and independence within it," he explains.
"Couples can maintain their local connection and network, and be more mindful and intentional with time spent together."
Chambers says couples who live separately may also enjoy the potential to have less tension around habits that can gradually cause resentment while under the same roof.
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Of course, the old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' may apply here too.
"As does the opportunity to bring novelty and spontaneity into a relationship," Chambers adds. "And when you do come together, it's quality time focused on bonding, having had a chance to disconnect when living apart."
Before you start scrolling Zoopla for a break-from-your-partner bolthole, Chambers says there are some things to bear in mind before considering a part or full-time home separation.
"To make it work, it requires both thought and commitment, as we all feel like having a break sometimes," Chambers explains.
"It needs to be a decision that is decided equally, with both parties being clear on why they want to live apart," he adds.
"It requires a strong commitment from everyone to the relationship itself, and clarity on boundaries and what is acceptable."
Communication is also key when you are living apart because insecurities can be amplified with distance if not addressed.
"The biggest thing I would say is living together apart requires the same flexibility as taking any option that is against social norms," Chambers adds. "And as your lives change, which they inevitably will, it is important to be flexible and continue to find an arrangement that works well for your relationship and your finances."
