Can Getting A Bob Heal A Broken Heart?
After my first ever break-up (a theatrical phone call between my 18-year-old self and a love interest of a measly four months), I dyed my hair bright blue. Despite my deep enthusiasm for the shade, I’d been strongly advised not to adopt the colour myself; I'd bleached my hair blonde specifically at said former boyfriend’s request a few months prior. Following the dramatic start-of-a-coming-of-age-movie style hang-up, I beelined to my local Superdrug and filled my basket with the blue hair dye I’d so keenly been eyeing up (Bleach London’s Blullini Super Cool Colour) and got to work writing off my mum's white towels. It was cathartic and freeing - a defiant blend of rebellion and self love. Not to mention, an emotional shedding of the persona I’d moulded during in the coupling.
My relationships with hair and love have both evolved since. While my signature colour has seen many iterations through the various milestones of my life, today it’s back to my god-given natural hue. While I’m far from immune from the trials and tribulations of modern dating, the likelihood of a summer heartbreak sending me into a blue-haired tailspin is next to none. The alluring grown-up alternative? A striking chin-length bob.
FIND OUT MORE ON ELLE COLLECTIVE
The feminine urge to cut your hair off during a time of heightened emotion is one that has been explored rigorously on-screen. Disney's Mulan, Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl, Saoirse Ronan in Greta Gerwig's Little Women, Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy, Lena Dunham in Girls... From powerful statements of heroism or sheddings of stereotypical 'prettiness', to moments of literal emotional turmoil, a drastic hair transformation and specifically a bold cut have long been hailed as a landmark in the evolution of female characters. More often than not, it's a turning point in their trajectories and in the context of a break-up, there's nothing more powerful than personal reinvention. I like to think of it as a Legally Blonde arc for your hair.
'Hair has long been integral to identity, serving as a powerful form of self-expression. So, it’s no wonder that emotional shifts in our lives, like a break-up, often lead to transformative changes in our hair,' says hairdresser, founder and mental health advocate, Adam Reed. 'Changing your hairstyle is a significant moment for anyone, as each new style offers endless possibilities to reveal refreshed, more confident, versions of yourself. It's an opportunity for self-reinvention, allowing you to discover and embrace aspects of yourself you may not have yet explored. This process can provide a sense of agency and control, especially during times of emotional upheaval or vulnerability. Ultimately, changing your hair can help you reconnect with yourself and empower you on your journey.'
It's no secret that salon experiences can vary, teetering between deeply therapeutic and occasionally disastrous, depending a number of factors. If you're loyal to your local stylist and comfortable talking through the origins of your newfound desire for a bob, the knowledge you're in safe, caring hands will aid the comfort and cathartics of the experience. If the thought of staring at yourself under unflattering artificial lighting for numerous hours brings you a sense of existential dread, or if you're not totally behind the idea, the process could incite a totally negative trip.
‘There are all kinds of life events that lead us to the salon, a small act of self care with a maintenance cut, suffering with hair loss or change of appearance due to illness or stress, a long term reinvention of our appearance. Whatever the circumstance, it all matters. Sitting down and doing something for yourself forces us to slow down and simply be in the moment, and there is real value in that on its own,’ says Jodie Cariss, therapist and founder of Self Space. ‘Having your hair cut is intimate and can be a liberating experience - saying goodbye to a former version of yourself who you no longer resonate with. We trust our hairdressers with how we look, we get to sit down for two hours looking at ourselves and it gives us a sense of being cared for. It creates a space for deep connection and often more vulnerability.’
Despite fully backing my teenage post-break-up beauty antics, it's important to remember that a statement cut is a commitment in and of itself. Yes, cutting off your locks can be freeing and exhilarating in the moment but if you've never known a life before trailing lengths, the disruptive nature of an extreme haircut could lend itself to an additionally emotionally turbulent time - not to mention, negative impact an already compromised sense of self-esteem.
‘In the wake of a huge life event like a relationship breakup, it’s easy to focus on the more challenging aspects of loneliness, lack of intimacy and deeper connection,' explains Cariss. 'A traumatic or life altering event can really force us to hold a mirror up to ourselves - giving us the opportunity to tune in to what we really need, for our own replenishment.’
She notes the importance of making sure that a funky new bob isn’t just a full distraction from doing the work on yourself. While it doesn't quite provide the same instant gratification and dopamine hit, the long-term rewards are far more profound. 'Usually, our instinct as humans is to try to avoid scenarios that expose our vulnerability, however, reinventing yourself can be a visual representation of how you are valuing your own energy.’
Her most poignant piece of advice? To treat yourself with kindness, whether you brave the chop or not. 'It’s important to meet ourselves with compassion and care, it’s also a really good time post-break-up to get to work on the more shadowy parts of yourself you bring to relationships, your accountability, responsibility to what both worked and what didn’t. Have a long hard look at repeating cycles and see what you can learn about yourself for what’s to come. This isn’t always easy but from the hard edge, growth can come. It can be an easy option to spend time focusing on the other person in the relationship and not yourself.’
While I'm undecided on whether my most recent heartbreak warrants the extreme measure of a blunt or choppy bob, there's no denying that the statement comes with ample wellbeing and mental health benefits, as well as making you look effortless stylish and bringing attention to other, previously hidden aspects of your look. Though, as the experts have illustrated, such an act will require thorough consideration, I can say with all certainty that in my lifetime, a box-dyed blue will never be my personal answer to a broken heart again.
ELLE Collective is a new community of fashion, beauty and culture lovers. For access to exclusive content, events, inspiring advice from our Editors and industry experts, as well the opportunity to meet designers, thought-leaders and stylists, become a member today HERE.
You Might Also Like
