Dear Richard Madeley: We want to move back to the country, but our son relies on us for childcare

Dear Richard,

My wife and I are in our mid-60s and while I am reasonably fit and well, she has Parkinson’s.

Until a year ago, we lived in a very rural area. Then, in the middle of last year, our first grandchild was born. My wife was determined to spend as much of her remaining time as possible with our grandchild, so we moved closer to my son and his family about a year ago. We look after him one day a week, a crucial piece of the financial jigsaw that allows both his parents to work full time.

However, we are now not so sure that we have made the right decision. We haven’t been able to make any new friends. We live in a very nice development here but our neighbours are at work in the day, and haven’t got time for a couple of old fogies.

It’s been lovely to spend time with our grandson but it’s a pretty onerous day, particularly for my wife, and I’m not sure how much longer we can keep doing it. And when we’re not looking after him, we’re just twiddling our thumbs.

My wife misses having friends around her and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to return to the area we left – except we’d be leaving our family in the lurch somewhat. What do you think?

— Adrian, Hants

Dear Adrian,

I think you should move back to where you were happy and content. And given your ages and your wife’s condition, I think you should do so as soon as possible.

Quite simply, you have taken a wrong turn for all the right reasons. Some mistakes can’t be undone, but this one can. I fully understand why your conscience pricks you over withdrawing childcare from your son and daughter-in-law, but they’ll surely manage – and perhaps you’ll be able to help in other ways.

Of course, moving back to Happy Valley will mean seeing less of your grandchild, but I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that your happiness and peace of mind should come first. You can’t ‘twiddle your thumbs’ during your last years in this depressed frame of mind, Adrian.

So retrace your steps with a clear conscience – and be happy again.

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