If you always put off your goals, you could have 'Someday Syndrome' —here’s how to overcome it
I almost allowed 'Someday Syndrome' to keep me from chasing the very dream I’m living today. Let me explain.
It was the mid-2000s. I was a new mother and had recently relocated from Boston to Hawaii. I was running a successful private therapy practice, Sarkis Performance, LLC. On the surface, I was everything I had aspired to be as a psychologist. But I was also restless and felt an itch to expand—to be a novice at something new again.
At the time, I confided in my mother about this sense of restlessness. I’d tell her all about how someday I was going to start a blog, or a podcast, or write a book, and about how someday, I was going to get out of the therapy office and make my work and content more accessible to people.
'What are you waiting for?' she asked me one day.
I had all of the usual excuses, both real and perceived:
Someday, when my son is older, I will…
Someday, when I have more time…
Or, my all-time favorite, Someday, when I feel ready…
'Sarah, be mindful of the falling victim to the ‘somedays,’' my mother advised. 'This is not a dress rehearsal. ‘Someday’ is not a guarantee. All we have is right now.'
This advice proved particularly prophetic because my mom was dying of cancer at the time. While she always leaned toward the existential, this conversation stopped me in my tracks. That day, at that moment, her words hit differently.
After that conversation, I started watching out for this pattern in my own life. I also began talking to my clients about the concept of 'someday' and encouraged them to observe their own patterns of putting off their goals. Eventually, I dubbed the phenomenon 'Someday Syndrome.'
What is Someday Syndrome, exactly?
As far as I can tell, Someday Syndrome is a universal human experience. Waiting until someday means you’re delaying what you really want in life for some unknown time in the distant future. (This is exactly what I was doing when my mother shook me awake with her observation about my procrastination.)
You might say, 'Someday, when I feel ready, I’ll run a marathon,' or 'Someday, when my kids are older, I’ll take a break and go on vacation.' However, you’re ultimately putting off something rewarding based on the assumption that someday, the conditions will be right. But where is the evidence for that?
Someday is an intoxicating illusion.
While it can certainly hold you back, it’s important to note that Someday Syndrome itself is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, some degree of thinking about the future is necessary to set big, audacious goals. Someday Syndrome isn’t something you have to get rid of entirely. Instead, it’s something to become aware of, especially if you tend to put off your goals in hope that the perfect moment will arrive.
How to overcome Someday Syndrome
While there are many reasons you might be dealing with Someday Syndrome (and it’s something I'd recommend working on with a mental health professional or coach to learn more about), here are a few ways to discover it—and manage it when it’s holding you back.
Engage in self-reflection.
All change starts with awareness, full stop. First, notice when you find yourself speaking (even if it's just to yourself) about an arbitrary time in the future. Pay attention to the varying ways Someday Syndrome appears in your life, like putting off a goal for a later date or making excuses for why you can’t do something right now. Get deeply curious.
Make a list of specific examples.
Then, list the different ways in which Someday Syndrome shows up in your life. Make it conscious and intentional, and be specific and detailed.
You might write something like…
I skip the gym and say I’ll wait for a day when I have more energy.
I haven’t started my manuscript because I’m waiting for my four-year-old to start school.
I keep saying I’m going to start dating again, but I’m waiting until I feel better about myself.
Since Someday Syndrome can often be an unconscious thing, continuing to brainstorm a list of examples can be helpful for identifying when—and perhaps why—it’s happening. It may seem tedious to make a list over and over, but this part of the process is how we make the unconscious, conscious.
In my own life, I had to get brutally honest with myself about how often I was deferring my dreams for the future (which, by the way, isn’t guaranteed!). I spent a few minutes each morning journaling about how, specifically, I saw this pattern emerging in my life.
Assess your list with a practical eye.
Choose one list item to focus on, then brainstorm small, incremental steps that can move your goal from the unknown future to something practical you can do today or even tomorrow. Perhaps you apply for that dream job now instead of waiting until you have more experience. Or maybe you agree to go on that date instead of waiting until you feel more 'ready.' Reach out for assistance from a trusted friend or colleague if you're feeling stuck.
A month after my mother died, I started my blog. I promised myself I would not wait another minute to pursue my dream of being a published writer (and here I am nine and a half years later. Yes, it might take you that long!).
Continue showing up for your goals.
Once publishing my blog became habitual and less frightening, I chose another incremental step forward: I started to appear on other people's podcasts. And once that became normalised and routine, I focused on public speaking. The point is, I plotted consistent, small, incremental steps forward that I could focus on in the here and now. Focusing on those little steps is critical because it forces you to be specific and address tasks you can tackle right away, not at some distant time in the future.
Learning to manage Someday Syndrome is not a one-and-done kind of process—it’s something that requires constant reflection and intention. But over time, you can change your circumstances and achieve what you want (without waiting around for the future to arrive).
P.S. This one’s for you, Mum.
More resources to strengthen your self esteem...
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