The 10 Stupidest Films Being Made Right Now

Emojimovie: Express Yourself

Already fun to use on a text message, Twitter post or email, but imagine how much MORE fun it would be sitting through 90-plus minutes of a movie about them. Sony is aiming to bring this Oscar-bait to the eager public in the summer of 2017.

Play-Doh

Amazingly ‘Bridesmaids’ director Paul Feig was in talks to direct a film based on the Hasbro toy. How a narrative film might be constructed from multi-coloured blobs of clay is not entirely clear.

Monopoly

At least, as a board game, Jumanji had charging jungle creatures. Monopoly has a greedy man in a top hat trying to scoop up all the property in London until you can’t afford to live there anymore. This will sound familiar to the vast majority of those living in the capital. This version of the Monopoly ‘origin story’, finds 'a boy, from the game’s modest Baltic Avenue, on a quest to make a fortune’. It’s been in development for years, so there’s always the possibility that we may be spared it.

Playmobil

With ‘The Lego Movie’ making millions at the box office, the toy firm’s german rival Playmobil decided to get in on the action, announcing in 2015 that a film based on the plastic figures was in the works. It’s being directed by ‘Frozen’ animator Lino Di Salvo and will come out in 2018.

Tetris

Why the rich seam of narrative presented in block-fitting Gameboy mainstay Tetris has not previously been mined by Hollywood is anyone’s guess. Perhaps more unbelievable is the fact that this will be the first in a trilogy. Producer Larry Kasanoff, who was behind the 'Mortal Kombat’ TV series, explains why: “Purely because the story we conceived is so big. This isn’t us splitting the last one of our eight movies in two to wring blood out of the stone. It’s just a big story.” Probably involves lots of those long blocks.

'Who the F#@K Took My Daughter?’

This is from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the men who bought you 'Scary Movie’, 'Scary Movie 2’, 'Scary Movie 3’, 'Scary Movie 4’, 'Epic Movie’, 'Disaster Movie’ and 'The Starving Games’, all films which are proof positive of the law of diminishing returns. This latest foray into spoofdom will skewer – you guessed it – the 'Taken’ movies, which were culturally relevant about five years ago.

The Pez Movie

It’s a plastic sweet dispenser, so why shouldn’t it have its own movie? “We’ve created a world unique to Pez and a story that will touch the hearts of many,” said the CEO of Envision, the company making the film. If food/drink delivery systems are to become the next pervasive movie trend, we should expect, 'Ketchup Bottle: The Movie’ and 'Cup: A Motion Picture’ coming to a sticky-carpeted multiplex near you soon.

Moonfall

The clue is in the name here. Roland 'Independence Day’ Emmerich’s next big disaster film will involve the moon falling out of its orbit and smashing into the Earth. Luckily, there will be a ragtag group of unlikely misfits who will be trying to foil the moon’s frankly pretty stupid – not to mention reckless – plan.

Monster Trucks

It’s ET-meets-Transformers-meets-Herbie, as X-Men star Lucas Till happens upon a creature from outer space in his junkyard, which then goes on to inhabit his truck, allowing it to do amazing stunts and the like. Thanks to a trailer which a) we’re still not 100% sure isn’t a joke, and b) lays out the plot of the whole movie in detail, the creature’s family then inhabit a bunch of other trucks and they fight some bad guys. Like a fever dream Michael Bay once had during a bout of dysentery.

Minecraft

Like Tetris, it’s another video game movie based largely on blocks. Many, many blocks. All stacked together. There’s more scope for a movie about the online world than Tetris perhaps (and its makers don’t appear to be boasting about the fact that it has a story so rich and intricate that it will need to be told over three movies), but still.

Geostorm

You know when two (or more) cars that have been written off are then cut in half and the not-smashed bits are then welded together? It’s called a 'cut and shut’. This is what this Gerard Butler vehicle sounds like: “As a man heads into space to prevent climate-controlling satellites from creating a storm of epic proportions, his brother discovers a plot to assassinate the president.”

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Image credits: Nintendo/Universal/Yahoo File/Mojang/Hasbro