Michigan’s sign-stealing denials don’t pass the smell test, which is curious and comical considering the Wolverines think their scat doesn’t stink.

I mean, this is MEEESHIGAN. Champions of the West. Or East. Or maybe neither, depending on what the university, Big Ten and/or NCAA uncover during investigations into the scandal playing out in Ann Arbor.

You've probably heard that multiple media reports link UM analytics assistant/spy Connor Stalions to in-person scouting and video recording of as many as 40 games involving 10 opponents. If true, the Houston Astros’ish espionage would violate NCAA rules.

But can it be true? Again, this is MEEESHIGAN, which for generations has fancied itself the cream of the behavioral crop. Clean as it gets. Above reproach. Better than anyone in athletics, academics and ethics. Especially Ohio State.

And UM still thinks it. So smug. So righteous. So ... hypocritical. Remember when Maize and Blue fans cast stones at the Buckeyes during the dark days of Tattoogate? Beware of the ricochet, Michiganders. Remember when Jim Harbaugh hinted that opponents broke rules related to recruiting, then went out and held camps in fertile recruiting grounds, an edgy approach that tested the limits of fair play? Oh, but that wasn’t Harbaugh doing anything wrong, at least not technically. He was simply being smarter than everyone else. It's in the Michigan DNA.

Michigan’s definition of integrity is “Whatever we say it is.” (Or what our elite law school says we should say it is.) Not to suggest the school and athletic department are on par with Southeastern Conference skullduggery. Michigan at least suspended Harbaugh three games this season for his role in recruiting violations pertaining to impermissible on and off-campus contact during a COVID-19 dead period. But the NCAA accused Coach Self-Righteous of being less than forthcoming during its investigation, and the NCAA chafes at being lied to. Where is the UM administration on that count?

You will recall that Jim Tressel lost his job at Ohio State for misleading – ahem – NCAA investigators, not because five players traded memorabilia for tattoos. Wolverines fans nodded when OSU forced Tress out, a confirmation to them that Ohio State ran a dirty program.

But if OSU was dirty, Michigan looks filthy. What the Wolverines are accused of doing is worse than getting discounted ink on the arm. By shattering the concept of honest competition that is sacred to sports, UM becomes associated with a word that scars: doubt. It doesn’t matter if Stalions acted alone, as Michigan Men want to believe. Doubters will always wonder how many of those Michigan wins the past two seasons, when the Wolverines suddenly got really good, were due to illicitly knowing what the opponent was going to do before it happened.

As for Stalions going “rogue,” this is where the smell test comes in. Are we expected to believe Harbaugh had no knowledge of Stalions and his spies attending games, where, according to multiple reports, they were spotted filming the opposing sideline with cell phones? Again, a big no-no. Sorry, that explanation is not plausible. It stinks.

The emerging details regarding the sign-stealing allegations make Stalions appear overly arrogant – overestimating his intelligence by underestimating his ability to get caught. Or overly clueless. Purchasing seat tickets in his own name? My guess is some of both, a former Marine too smart for his own good, yet not smart enough to realize he was a pawn inside Harbaugh’s press-the-envelope program.

It strikes me that Stalions is the office analytics expert who desperately wants to impress. The employer welcomes his inside information without wanting details of how it was collected. Harbaugh hired Stalions as an off-field analyst in May of 2022, but photos have surfaced of him standing next to Harbaugh and other coaches during games. Basically, Stallions is a right-hand man who is valued but not essential.

But more importantly, if the allegations are true and Harbaugh went too far to gain an edge, he now faces the edge of a metaphorical sword. Being already in trouble with the NCAA, does he survive? Leave for the NFL, if any team will have him?

Or as many both inside and outside the Michigan camp believe, does little come of this? Does “whataboutism” prevail, as in what about all the other teams stealing signs, legally or not? After all, the stealthy practice is nothing new. Doing so via electronic devices at games is simply the modern method of gaining a competitive advantage.

Sigh. I find it disappointing that Michigan's alleged shenanigans are not being taken more seriously. I expect Wolverines fans to characterize the sign-stealing as a big, fat nothingburger. My Detroit-born golf buddy speaks for many of his brethren when he says “the NCAA simply has it out for Harbaugh.” But what about outside the Big House? Even some among Buckeye Nation either fail to recognize or do not care if Michigan broke NCAA rules and got caught.

You may not like the rules. You may think them ridiculous, like having to obey a 50-mph speed limit on a country road, but that does not alter the consequences. Choose to speed and risk getting ticketed. Steal signs electronically and get labeled a cheater.

That’s right, cheater. If this plays out, let’s call UM’s football program what it is: The Wolverines tried to gain an unfair advantage that went against the rules, and that’s called cheating. There is no way to soft-pedal it. Even if you abide by the “if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying” line of rationalization, the admission confirms that cheating took place.

And you know what they say about cheaters – they never win. What’s that? Michigan is 21-1 since 2021, when the signal-stealing was reported to begin happening. That sounds like winning to me.

Ah, but at what price? Some schools might take the trade-off in a heartbeat: a ruined reputation for a playoff berth and shot at the national championship. But this is MEEESHIGAN. Surely, the “Harvard of the Midwest” would not make such a deal with the devil. Right? RIGHT? Better first check with the lawyers.

roller@dispatch.com

@rollerCD

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This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Michigan faces dire consequences for potential NCAA rules violations