Family of 8-month-old who suddenly died finds healing by spreading joy in her honour: 'The grief doesn't get easier. Your life just grows around it'

This past July 14 would've been Payton Dolores Maybee's second birthday. But on April 2, 2023, when Payton was just eight months old, she died in a sleep accident that changed the course of her parents' lives.

"Payton was eight months and 18 days old," Payton's mother, Victoria Greenhalgh, says. Greenhalgh, who lives in St. Catharines, Ont. with her partner Brad Maybee and their five-year-old son Parker, says Payton made their family feel complete.

"The newborn days were obviously exciting and busy, and at eight months when she passed, she had just sort of started to get a personality. She had just started eating foods. She loved peanut butter toast," Greenhalgh recalls.

On that tragic day in April 2023, a loved one — who Greenhalgh does not wish to name — was holding Payton on the couch late at night and fell asleep.

Greenhalgh had always been careful with sleep; sharing a surface was not something that would normally happen. Later that night, Greenhalgh woke up to tend to her then three-year-old son who had wet the bed. "That's when I found her," she says, explaining she called for an ambulance and tried to perform CPR, but Payton was unresponsive. "She was already gone before getting to the hospital."

Following Payton's death, the family moved in with Greenhalgh's parents for eight months. "We couldn't bear to go home," she says. "The couch where Payton died was removed from our home within two days. We got rid of a lot of things in the living room like the play mat where I had to perform CPR on her."

Greenhalgh credits therapy and finding community to helping the family navigate grief. In May, she attended a retreat for bereaved mothers. "There were about 17 other women who had been through the loss of a child in some way," she explains. "Just having that community and knowing there are people out there who know my story and I know theirs is healing. We hold space for one another."

Similarly, Payton's father has found an online community called the Sad Dad's Club. "They have regular Zoom meetings and they host regular retreats for dads who have lost babies and children," Greenhalgh says. "Those are just two of the ways we have found healing in the past year or so."

Greenhalgh and Maybee have also found a way to build their own sense of community from their loss by creating "Payton's Pails."

"Brad wanted to do something to spread joy in Payton's name on her first birthday," Greenhalgh explains. "So we went to the dollar store and got four pails, filled them with toys, attached her little obituary and a little note that said, 'These toys are for you. Please take them home. This is to celebrate our daughter's first birthday.'"

At first, the couple didn't include their information — but people sought them out and thanked them for spreading some joy.

This past July, on what would've been Payton's second birthday — the couple hosted her birthday at Heartland Forest in Niagara Falls, Ont. For the party, they put together more pails so that people could take them to a park in the Niagara area.

"Our extended family and friends jumped on the idea," Greenhalgh says. "They donated enough supplies to make 60 pails."

The pails contained everything from water bottles and bubbles to sand toys and skipping ropes. The couple made sure that each pail contained a rubber duck. "It was Payton's favourite. We want to have things that kids could find at a park that are safe for them to enjoy. The idea was to spread joy because sometimes, a park can get boring for a child," she explains with a laugh. "But when you find the pails, it can change a child's whole day."

Some people even brought the pails to provinces like Manitoba and British Columbia. "We sent a PDF file and they printed tags and created some pails and brought them out there. We had a lot of support this year and I've heard from a lot of people who have gotten the pails," she says. "It helps to be able to do this and to create a community in her name."

The newfound sense of community — like the other support systems the couple is a part of — reiterated the fact that the couple is not alone. "Unfortunately, there are a lot of families out there who have lost children and babies," Greenhalgh adds.

This sad reality compelled the couple to put together a list through social media called "Payton's Pals." "We had people sign up and there's more than 50 names on the list of Payton's Pals of children and babies who have passed far too soon.

The couple notes they hope to continue initiatives in the future and recognize more names. They also hope to make donations to other organizations that support families in this particular grief space.

"The grief doesn't get easier," Greenhalgh says. "I think that it's just that your life grows around it. You're not in those initial shock moments anymore."

Their son, Parker, keeps them going. "He also keeps Payton's memory alive every day for us. He teaches us things that we never would have thought a five-year-old could teach you."

The family is doing their best to move forward. They have moved back into their own home. "Our goal was to move back in before Parker's fifth birthday," she says. "He really wanted to be back home, so we moved back just before Christmas."

After closing her home daycare following Payton's death, Greenhalgh recently returned to work as an early childhood educator. "It will be hard to be around little ones again, but it's something that I will have to overcome — so I will," she says. "I feel ready to go back."

Greenhalgh and Maybee are optimistic about the future. The couple is determined not to let the sadness overshadow their lives and their memories of the beloved baby. "There's a lot of just taking every day and trying to find joy in it because we have to, for her."

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