This Woman Went Viral After Sharing Incredibly Smart "Safety" Tips For Women When Their Gut Instincts Are Screaming, And It's Genuinely The Most Practical Advice I've Heard
Warning: possible spoilers for "Woman of the Hour." The story discusses sexual and physical assault.
When Anna Kendrick's Woman of the Hour was released on Netflix in October, it grabbed the number one spot on the streaming platform after being acquired for 11 million dollars (to which Anna donated her salary to RAINN and the National Center for Victims of Violent Crime). While this achievement is impeccable for Anna's directorial debut for a 24-day scheduled shoot, the truest achievement is how women have been resonating with the film, which centers around a real-life serial killer who targeted girls and women in the 1970s.
Woman of the Hour tells the real-life story of Sheryl Bradshaw (Anna Kendrick) and serial killer Rodney Alcala (Daniel Zovatto), who both appeared as contestants on The Dating Game in 1978 amidst Alcala's murder spree in the US.
The reason why it's been resonating with so many women is because of how Anna (who was also a producer) was able to capture the accuracy and nuance of a woman's perspective and experience that is often missed by male directors who have directed similar films or TV shows in the past.
For example, TikToker @feministforeveryone discussed how the real horror in these kinds of movies is when a woman realizes she's in danger. "It's not the moment of unaliving — that's what a lot of male directors focus on: this horrific, gruesome, disgusting moment of unaliving, and sometimes it's overdone ... but that's not the real moment of horror. The real horror in these kinds of movies is when a woman realizes she's in danger."
She continues: "That moment when a woman becomes suddenly aware that the person she is with might be a threat to her, and she has no hope except the hope that he's gonna change his mind about hurting her — that's the real moment of horror ... and Anna Kendrick perfectly captures that moment several times."
Another TikToker, @ariannakyanne, added that it was amazing to witness how the film didn't focus on his charming personality or overall looks like previous serial killer films and TV shows. "They didn't lean into that. Yes, he has a way with words, but he's still disgusting, filthy, and grungy... just a monster," she said. "It perfectly captured the anxiety of being around men and trying to baby and placate them so they don't lose their temper — and just the anxiety of being a woman alone with a man and the feeling of not being believed and how the justice system over and over again fails women and girls."
Anna Kendrick touched on why she made these decisions in an interview with The View: "I knew there were a couple of things that really didn't interest me. One is really graphic violence. But the other being like... I didn't want to make a whole movie about why he does this; it doesn't matter, and we can't know."
Other women have highlighted how their male partners have reacted to the film as well. @notaboytyler said in a video that she watched Woman of the Hour with her husband, and when her spidey senses went off during certain scenes, her husband was really confused. "He was like, 'I don't understand. What are you saying?' And I was like, 'Do you not see it? How creepy [the serial killer is] being? Something has changed.' And he genuinely just didn't get it," she said.
All of this to say, there's one reason why Anna hit the nail on the head when it came to the subtle nuances of emotions a woman may experience when she realizes she's in danger, and that's because she was involved in an abusive relationship — which she's talked about in previous interviews. "I got out of a really bad relationship, and I think there was something in this [movie] that has that same kind of dread; that same kind of terror of going like, 'I really thought I could trust this person,'" she told Drew Barrymore.
"Even this idea that this guy went on The Dating Game, I think it captured our imaginations because it's like a perfect, awful metaphor for that question: 'Who's really behind the curtain?'" she continued.
So, it makes sense why she shouted out a very specific TikTok by @rachellovely5 on her own Instagram that highlighted how a woman can protect themselves in social situations. "In the video, Rachel really takes the time to say, 'None of this is to say that if you had just known this when something bad happened, everything would have been fine, and it's not meant to shame,' and that really warmed by heart," Anna explains.
"I've been really banging a drum on this press tour that there really isn't a guaranteed protection from someone who is determined to harm you, and yet, I do believe there are things we should be sharing so that they might be in the back of our minds if that moment comes...," she continued.
According to the TikTok that Anna shared, Rachel said there are a few things she has done in public, on dates, or in general life that she feels have kept her safe when her gut was telling her that she felt like something was off. So here's a breakdown of each of the tips she provided in the video:
The first situation: When you're in the elevator with someone who doesn't sit right with you.
Rachel explains: "I was traveling for work and got into an elevator. It was really late at night, and I was the only person in the elevator. You had to use your key in order to press the button to go to your floor. A man got into the elevator; he didn't look at the buttons or anything. Right away, I was thinking, "There's 40 floors to this hotel. There's a zero percent chance that he's on my floor without even recognizing it."
"So because of the type of elevator I was on," she continues, "As soon as the elevator started moving up, the first thing that I did was pull my purse like this and start digging; I'm looking through it. Then, when the elevator doors go 'ding,' I hold my arm like this on the doors, I look at him, and I say, 'You go ahead, I forgot my book in the lobby.' I don't know why, but making eye contact always makes me feel better in those situations, and I never let the person stand fully behind me."
"So, for example, when he got in, he stood behind me in the far back corner, so I got back to the other corner, and I'm like facing him with my body. Also, in those types of situations, I'm not getting off the elevator because, in that specific example, I knew there was a camera, so I was like, 'I'm not leaving.' ... So when I told him, 'You, go ahead,' he awkwardly got off."
The second situation: If you're in the elevator that doesn't need a key with someone who doesn't sit right with you.
"Let's say you're in an apartment complex, and you don't have to key anything in. Let's say the same exact situation happens: A man walks in, stands right behind me, doesn't look at the buttons, and doesn't press anything. I have done this, where if he immediately goes to the corner and doesn't make eye contact, I will try to block the buttons with my body, and I'll look at him and go, 'What floor do you need?' Again, I don't know why, but eye contact makes me feel more in control. It makes me feel like, 'I notice you, I'm not on my phone, I'm not listening to Jack shit; it's you and I — and if it's about to go down, it's going to go down here, and not going to go down in my hallway, in the apartment; I'm not going where I live."
"Let's say he sees the floor and says, 'I'm also going to 18.' This has happened before. ... In that moment, I say, '18?' and I turn around and look and see that '18' is highlighted because that's where I needed to go. I'll be like, 'Oh, perfect!', and I'll hit it again, so he sees it — and then I'll say, 'I'm actually going to 22.'
"Same thing: when the elevator door dings, I put my arm out, I will look at him, and I will go, 'This is your floor; have a good one.'"
The third situation: If a person asks for your number.
"If a man asks for my number, and I don't feel comfortable giving it to him when he asks for it, I will change my number by one digit. It's one digit, and it's always the same digit, and I always change it in the same way.
I've been in situations, and this has happened more than I would like to say, where the person I'm talking to kind of understands that I don't want him to have my number. So, in a show of dominance, like, 'I'm gonna call you out on your bullshit,' he will say in a very creepy, unsettling way, 'I'm gonna call you right now.'"
"So, of course, my phone doesn't ring, and I say super curiously and sweetly (because all of this is survival tactics) — like whatever you have to do to get yourself out of a situation. There's no shame involved when you're trying to get yourself out of an uncomfortable or possibly dangerous situation. I'll say, 'What number did you put in?' He shows it, and I'll go, 'Oh, that two needs to be a three.' Calls again, and of course, the phone rings, but luckily, I can block the number."
The fourth situation: At a bar with someone you no longer want to be with.
"Let's say I'm at a bar with someone, and my gut instincts are screaming. I do not want to get an Uber with this man, I don't want to go back to this man's home, I don't want him to walk me to my car, I don't want to go anywhere with this person — and your body will tell you.
Women are conditioned to be polite and accommodating, but your gut instincts are going to be screaming red alert when you don't feel comfortable with this person. Your only job is to listen to that. When that flares up, my mom literally told me, 'Your only job is to listen to it.' The worst thing you could do is try to talk yourself out of it and be like, 'No, it's okay! He's like my co-worker's friend.' Don't do any of that."
"So, I will start putting on Oscar-worthy performances. I'll be like, 'Actually, my car was giving me trouble earlier, so my sister is going to drive here and give me a ride home.' Or I'll be like, 'Actually, my co-worker forgot her notebook at work — she lives right here — so I'm just gonna go, and she's gonna meet me here and just grab it.' And you just start saying goodbye. You don't get up, you don't leave, you don't go toward the door. You are sitting on that bar stool, and you're glued to that bar stool."
"If there is any resistance — like he says, 'No, I'll walk you,' I'll start raising my voice an octave in a way where it's like people can hear me: 'No, I'm totally fine. Thank you so much for an awesome night. Get home safe.' Now, the table next to us kind of goes like this [looks over] because I'm banking on the fact in public, they wouldn't push social cues that far. So, I'm raising my voice as a defense mechanism. And the whole time I'm like, 'Thank you so much, you have to go now. I'm staying, and you're leaving.' And I keep reiterating that message."
After Rachel shared her tips, other women posted more tips in the comments. Here are some of their responses below:
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While it's infuriating for women even to have to keep these safety tips in their back pocket, to have a movie created about a serial killer who targeted women and girls, or for Anna even to experience an abusive long-term relationship in the first place, I hope the above tips provide some help even a little bit for you or a loved one.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
Dial 988 in the US to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
If you have other safety tips and strategies that have worked for you, tell us what they are in the comments below:
