This Woman Announced She Was Pregnant With A Daughter, And Her 'Boy Mom' Sister-In-Law Said It Wouldn’t Compare To Loving A Son
The internet has definitely been abuzz the past year or so with discussion of self-proclaimed “boy moms,” mothers of sons who...are verrry weird about it.
They might emotionally treat their sons as pseudo-husbands. They might post publicly about their jealousy of imaginary future girlfriends. Or, they might even talk about how much they love their sons more than their daughters!
Well, recently, Reddit user u/Many-Calligrapher617 (or Calligrapher, for short) posted to the popular r/AmITheAsshole subreddit to share her story and ask, “Am I the asshole for telling my sister-in-law that she is extremely weird?” Reader, the story she shared is unbelievable:
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"So I, 27, am pregnant with my last child," Calligrapher begins. "My husband and I already have one daughter, and we both feel that two is enough for us. My sister-in-law and my brother, both 30, have four kids; they have one daughter and three sons. I just found out that I am going to have another girl, and we just announced it over dinner."
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"Everyone congratulated us, but after dinner, my sister-in-law took me to the side and told me that it was completely fine to feel devastated by the 'bad news.'"
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NBC
"I asked what she meant," says Calligrapher, "and she told me that even though she loves her daughter, no love compares to the love she feels for her sons."
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Calligrapher goes on: "I told her that I am in no way dissatisfied with the news and I am glad with whatever gender, as long as they are healthy. She told me it was okay to be in denial and that if I ever felt it was too hard on me, I could always talk to her. I walked away but not before I said, 'You are extremely weird, you know that?'"
"My husband and I left right after," says Calligrapher, "and later that night my brother texted me telling me off. [He was saying] that his wife was just showing compassion and trying to be understanding; that just because I am sad about it doesn't mean that she deserves my treatment of her."
She adds, "I feel like I may have been a bit harsh on her, because my brother rarely gets upset with people, but he is very upset with me now." N
Not only did commenters overwhelmingly agree that Calligrapher was not the asshole, but they also had a lot to say about her family:
"The poor daughter," said u/Crazy_Past6259. "I would probably wonder if the daughter is being mistreated and [would] keep an eye on her."
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"[Your sister-in-law] was neither showing compassion nor trying to be understanding. She was projecting her toxic-level 'boy mom' attitude on you," said u/GothPenguin.
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A few people had ideas about why the sister-in-law is like this, as well as advice for what Calligrapher should say to her brother. "Your sister-in-law's comments were weird and also really sad," wrote u/TylerLockwoodTopMe. "I wonder if it has something to do with her family and how she was raised, but it sounds like a lot of internalized misogyny."
"I would consider discussing it with your brother: not in a way where he confronts your sister-in-law, but to check on his daughter, because your sister-in-law's comment would make me worry that her daughter is receiving different treatment.
"Others have also pointed this out, but please do consider checking with your brother to make sure that the kids are not being inundated with this kind of thinking."
"You should have asked your brother why he and your sister-in-law think you are sad over having a second daughter. Make them explain it," said u/CalicoHippo.
In response, u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559 wrote, "And be clear to brother: 'Your wife absolutely specified that she loves your sons more and loves your daughter less. Did you know that? Does she act that way? Does your daughter know mommy loves her brothers more than mommy loves her?'"
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"I'm guessing your sister-in-law is one of those weird 'boy moms,'" wrote u/burner_suplex. "[I second] all the people who are suggesting talking to your brother to make sure your niece is being treated alright compared to her brothers. I've heard too many stories of moms favoring their sons and turning their daughters into their sons' personal Cinderella."
Others validated Calligrapher's feelings toward her sister-in-law and expressed concern for her brother's kids.
One user, Adorable-Reactions887, wrote, "I probably wouldn't have been as polite in vocalizing how weird her statement was. She wasn't showing compassion. She was showing her ass and was upset that you didn't agree with her whole sentiment of being a 'boy mom' like it's the only thing worth being a parent for."
"I feel for your niece, but I also worry that your nephews are going to have some major issues in later life with her.
"If your brother keeps on [about this], I would definitely ask him if he knows why you called her weird. Because as much as gender disappointment is a thing (and weird AF), you don't feel that way, you're not in denial, and you have nothing to feel sad OR bad about. If they feel some kind of way about having a daughter, then they both need to look at themselves rather than trying to force and push their way of thinking on you."
I probably would have had stronger words to say to the sister-in-law, too. Let me know alllll your thoughts below; and if you have any stories about out-of-pocket things relatives have said to you, please feel free to share!
