My wife told me on Valentine’s Day she’d had an affair and was leaving me
How I was dumped is a Yahoo UK column in which anonymous writers share the shocking and heart-wrenching ways their relationship ended.
George*, then 44, had made his wife of 25 years a romantic Valentine's Day meal when she suddenly revealed she’d been having an affair and was leaving him.
I first met Hayley* in 1993 when she was 18 and I was 19. It was a Saturday night and I was with my friends in our local pub in the small Essex village we both lived in. I thought she was the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.
I wasn’t the only one who thought so either. Her long, thick brunette hair, olive skin and piercing green eyes made her the girl every boy wanted. I remember that night she was receiving plenty of male attention, but – and I couldn’t believe it at the time – I was the one who had caught her eye.
After a few drinks, I dared to make the first move and went over to talk to her. We instantly clicked and ended up chatting all night. It sounds strange, but I knew then that she was the person I wanted to marry.
Married life
From that evening, Hayley and I became inseparable. Things moved fast between us and after about six months of dating, we found a small one-bedroom flat to rent. Then, a year in, when I was 20 and she was 19, I made the move and asked her to be my wife. When she said "Yes," I’d never been happier.
We quickly said our 'I dos' and started married life. Over the next seven years, we bought a house together and had three beautiful children.
I had no idea Hayley* thought we’d been 'drifting apart' for years, or that she felt our children were the only reason we were still together.
Just like any married couple who've been together for years, have kids and full-time jobs, things weren’t always perfect. We’d have the odd row, but it’d be over trivial things like, "Why didn’t you take the washing in?" or arguing about what to watch on TV.
World fell apart
Apart from that, I never thought anything was seriously wrong with our relationship. I had no idea Hayley thought we’d been 'drifting apart' for years, or that she felt our children were the only reason we were still together.
I found this out the hard way in 2018 after our youngest had flown the nest, and it was the first time Hayley and I had lived alone together in 23 years.
That Valentine’s Day, because we had the house to ourselves, I decided to cook Hayley a surprise romantic dinner. I set the table with roses and candles, and prepared the meal – a classic steak with peppercorn sauce and chunky chips, paired with her favourite red wine.
Hayley* barely said a word over dinner and after what seemed like an eternity of unbearable silence, I eventually asked her, 'What’s the matter?'
When she arrived home from work, I could see she was a little off, but I put it down to her maybe having a stressful day. 'A nice juicy steak and a glass of red will turn the mood around,' I thought. But how wrong I was.
As we ate, Hayley barely said a word and after what seemed like an eternity of unbearable silence, I eventually asked her, "What’s the matter?" She suddenly burst into tears and spilled out the whole, unbelievable truth.
A three-year affair
It turned out Hayley had been having an affair with a man six years younger than her for the past three years and wanted a divorce. They’d met in the gym and he’d given her an ultimatum the night before that if she wanted to be with him, she’d have to tell me on Valentine’s Day.
"He couldn’t wait any longer," she told me through tears at the table, followed by, "I really love him and we want to be together without the secrets."
I couldn't believe that I’d been living a lie for the past three years and that such heartbreaking news had been delivered to me on the 'most romantic' day of the year.
I was stunned. After 25 years of marriage and a life built together, it was now all over in the blink of an eye. At first, I was speechless and felt completely numb – a true out-of-body experience. I couldn't believe that I’d been living a lie for the past three years and that such heartbreaking news had been delivered to me on the 'most romantic' day of the year.
Even though I’m still single now, I know if I ever meet a new partner, I’ll never be able to enjoy Valentine’s Day again. It holds too many painful memories.
To Hayley’s credit, she was distraught and assured me that she’d never intended for this to happen, and the last thing she'd ever wanted to do was to hurt me. While she "still loved me," she said it was a "different kind of love" – one that had given her a "beautiful family and great memories". But one that felt "too familiar" and didn’t give her those all-important "butterflies".
As the news began to sink in, I couldn’t help but think of what I could’ve done differently. Did I give her enough attention? Did I tell her I still thought she was beautiful? Did I tell her I loved her enough? Although all these thoughts were spinning around my head, they didn’t matter anyway. She was gone, and in love with someone else.
Life goes on
Six years later, Hayley is with the same man. We still talk and see each other sometimes – but only when it’s to do with our kids – and I’ve reached the point where I’m genuinely happy that she’s happy.
What happened still hurts, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to trust anyone again for a while. But I do have hope that the hurt will fade, and at some point in the future, I’ll meet someone special.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.
