Psychologists say this 'cheaper than therapy’ hack can stop rows from escalating
Getting into an argument with your significant other is something that happens to every couple. However, experts have recommended a method to stop a row from escalating - and it takes just five seconds.
Psychologists at the University of St Andrews recently published a study on how couples deal with conflict. The study, published in the Nature journal, Communications Psychology, saw 81 couples go through an experiment to determine whether taking a short break from the conflict would help them manage it better.
The couples were engaged in a competitive game, during which they could blast an unpleasant noise at their partner as loudly as they wanted to. The game went on for 30 rounds, with breaks enforced at different intervals.
Advanced AI and machine learning were used to analyse the participants’ emotional responses, captured by a 360-degree camera with onboard audio.
The psychologists found that the couples tended to match each other’s level of aggression during the game, even at high levels. However, enforcing a short break interrupted the pattern of retaliation, resulting in lower aggression overall.
Annah McCurry, a PhD candidate in the university’s School of Psychology and Neuroscience, said breaks as short as five seconds can reduce negative emotions and aggressions in low-level conflicts.
McCurry, who designed and led the experiments with her supervisors Dr Robert May and Professor David Donaldson, explained: “It sounds obvious, but this is the first time anyone has experimentally demonstrated a reduction in aggression following enforced breaks.
“Forcing couples to have a five-second break was just as effective as a 10 or 15-second break, which shows even the briefest of pauses can help diffuse an argument.
“This is a simple, free and effective ‘hack’ to reduce negative emotions during arguments. It’s cheaper than couple’s therapy and can be easily integrated into everyday interactions.”
However, she emphasised that this method does not apply to domestic violence scenarios and is instead intended for managing lower-level conflicts and preventing them from escalating into more intense arguments.
“This is about managing the mundane, everyday arguments that couples have, and that can escalate,” McCurry said.
“We asked participants for their feedback and some of the comments we got were gold. One participant said, ‘I felt great after winning and when my partner won, I wanted to institute a sex ban’.
“Another said that the forced break made them look into their partner’s eyes, and that reduced the tension.”
